The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 2: Cinnamon Rolls with Tammy

image of cinnamon rolls on a baking sheet

This scene introduces Karen’s friend Tammy, a bright girl who cannot speak intelligibly or hold a pencil to write. As the story continues, we will watch their friendship grow, as Tammy struggles to make her way in life.

(Image by grongar, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 2: Cinnamon Rolls with Tammy

During the rest of the day, Kitten greeted each experience as it arose. She did her best not to project negativity. She completed her class work and then pushed her friend Tammy’s wheelchair through the line of students that passed down the hallway to the cafeteria for their mid-morning snack.

Tammy was a charming girl with a bouncy blonde ponytail, but the effects of her cerebral palsy were even more pronounced than Karen’s. Her arms and legs were beyond her control, and they flailed wildly unless they were strapped down to her wheelchair. She always held her head high because her full-body brace forced her to sit upright in the wheelchair. Her speech was so garbled that, while Karen could understand her, to the other children and to most adults her words were incomprehensible.

The line moved forward until the two girls reached the cafeteria door. Behind the counter, the hot cinnamon rolls smelled wonderful. Mrs. Pearl, who served the food, asked them if they wanted oatmeal or cinnamon rolls. Karen and Tammy both smiled, and Mrs. Pearl knew exactly what they wanted.

“Why don’t you push Tammy over to a table, and I’ll bring the cinnamon rolls to you,” she said with a laugh.

Karen positioned Tammy’s wheelchair by a table and put a napkin into her lap. No sooner did she finish than the cinnamon rolls appeared. Both girls thanked Mrs. Pearl, and then Tammy looked up and boldly asked Karen for help. Karen tore off a piece of warm cinnamon roll and held it to Tammy’s lips. Tammy ate eagerly and looked Karen in the eye.

Kitten said, “Tammy! It’s so good to see you, again! I missed you over winter break, and I’m looking forward to turning your pages in class for you.”

Slowly, with effort, Tammy replied, “Oh, yes! Me, too! You were so kind to turn the pages of my books for me and to help me with my schoolwork. Of all the children in the school, you are the only one I think of as a true friend. ”

After nibbling her own cinnamon roll, Kitten confided in Tammy.

“Every day, we break through the limits that the experts set for us, whether they think so or not. I have to tell myself that, each and every time things get hard! This darn geography is very hard for me to understand, and so is the math. One night before the holidays, I spent over three hours pulling my hair out over some stupid math that I could not get into my head. It was like torture to me! It made me so angry and upset at myself because I could not grasp any of it! I was in a blank state of mind. Nothing stuck or made any sense. Every time I tried to see it in my mind, all I saw was a blank. The math just was not there! What’s so frustrating, Tammy, is that even though it does not make any sense at all to me, I keep trying, and trying and trying. I never give up, and I keep hoping that someday, maybe, I will find the key and unlock all this knowledge!”

Tammy frowned and replied, “I know what you are going through, Kitten. I go through the same thing, and I wish I could help you. It is agonizing to say the least. People don’t understand how much effort we put forth. They think we are playing games, when we work twice as hard and three times longer on our academics than other kids do. I’m like you, in that I never give up, but unlike you, I am ashamed to ask for help when I need it. Perhaps this is because my disabilities so pervade my life that I need help for even the most basic acts, such as feeding and toileting myself. And, of course, even though I have a perfect memory and academic understanding comes easily to me, due to my speech difficulties and inability to hold a pencil, I am apparently incapable of understanding anything, whatsoever, in the eyes of our instructors. At least, you can walk and talk.”

Their eyes met, again, and the bond between the two girls grew stronger. They continued their conversation until time for them to return to class. Kitten left Tammy waiting for her adult attendant, who would take her back to their classroom.

As she left the lunchroom, Karen thought, Tammy really opened up to me. She’s like me. She can feel what’s in people’s hearts. I really want her as a friend. We will build bonds and, as Mama says, we will break the conventional wisdom that experts try to limit us with. If I keep to the truth of who I am, who knows what kind of people I might meet? Who knows how or when I am going to change the global definition of the disabled, but I will. I am going to do it—one day at a time, one opportunity at a time, with love and unwavering concern in my heart.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21: Cinnamon Rolls and Torment

This begins a new chapter, and as you have no doubt guessed from the title, it is going to be very dramatic. It features an evil surgeon, a twisted therapist, and a narrow escape from disaster. Read and enjoy! In the first scene, Kitten brings her mind into the present after the previous series of bad memories about school, then she tactfully shares about her holiday break. Needless to say, she does not mention talking horses, Disneyland, or anything else that happened.

(Image courtesy of https://www.pinterest.com/pin/13862711342399933/)

Scene 1: Arriving at School; Not Casting Pearls Before Swine

When the bus arrived at school, Kitten pulled her mind back to the present. It was the first day of school in January of 1964. She was twelve years old and in seventh grade. She got off the bus, and her teacher greeted her and the other children by name before escorting them to their classroom.

Karen listened as the teacher had them take turns sharing about their vacation activities. Like Karen, they had all stayed home and enjoyed the holidays with their families.

Intensely aware that most children were unconcerned with spiritual matters, she did not want to share the events of her autumn with those who would not understand. In the past, she had been ridiculed for being talkative, open and honest. What she had done over winter break had gone beyond being unusual, and comparing it with the other children’s holidays made that clearer as well as dearer to her. Moreover, Pegasus’s transformation required her to be careful with whom she shared the truth. She would use indirection and ambiguity to protect both Pegasus and herself. She hoped she could change her communication style. She hoped to find a middle ground between secretiveness and naïveté.

When her turn came, she spoke with an inner sense of strength and sincerity. Her only thought was to be honest and personal yet brief. She said that she and Mama had celebrated Hanukkah and lighted the menorah. She had enjoyed her time off school by helping a special friend. She briefly mentioned how she had helped rescue a horse, and that she and Mama had moved into a new house earlier in the fall. The teacher, Mrs. Davidson, thanked her. Kitten returned to her seat and listened to the other children tell their stories.

Best Colleges and Universities for Students with a Learning Disability

image of two students with statistics in sidebar

When I wanted to go to college, I literally had to sue the State of California. Now, students with disabilities have a range of excellent colleges and universities to choose from. One of them (Beacon College) is actually dedicated to serving students with dyslexia and ADHD.

Click the link below to read an excellent article with links that will take you to the school websites. It also has admissions department info and ratings.

Many thanks to Johanna Mitra, Content Manager of iReviews, for sharing her article with us.

Here is the link: Best Schools for Students with a Learning Disability

I have also added a link to the article from the Whispers of Hope page on Special Needs Resources, so you can always find it there.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 20, Scene 5: Reflecting with Pegasus

In this scene, Kitten has a spiritual breakthrough, as she realizes that she has learned to set her own standards. She no longer has to fear failing to meet the standards of the authorities who control much of her life, and she does not have to allow the so-called experts to limit her potential by setting artificially low standards for her.

(Image courtesy of NAC, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 5: Reflecting with Pegasus

In her memory of that day when Dr. Muñoz was so mean to her, Karen recalled visiting her mentor as soon as she arrived home.

After the bus ride home, Karen jumped to the sidewalk and called to Mama that she was going to visit Pegasus. Without hesitating, she hurried to the stables. She explained what had happened at school, and then he commented.

“You are learning to empower yourself by defining your own standards. You are learning to set your own goals and not to let the experts tell you whether or not you are achieving them. You are empowering yourself by deciding what mastery means to you in every situation, and you are beginning to control your feelings and reactions to circumstances. When you can do this, then no one else will have the power to define who and what you are. You will not be deterred by doctors, teachers, therapists, or psychologists, ever again. Their lies, half-truths and innuendos will not affect your inner being. You will fight for your own rights, including your rights to dignity and respect, and you will fight for the rights of all disabled people. No one will be able to hold you back.”

She felt her spirit take a new stance as she listened to her mentor. It glowed and illumined her from within. His words answered her question about meeting the experts’ standards. She did not have to meet them. She had to meet her own standards. She knew she could do this, and she could teach others to do the same for themselves. She felt her body stand straighter than ever before. No one could hold her back.

She touched Pegasus’ neck without speaking. There were no words that had to be uttered. Pegasus knew. They spent the next hour walking together in silence. When they reached the top of the crest of the hills, a rainbow appeared over water of the bay, and then she went home for dinner.

Spartan Women, Bizarre Laws, and Bruce Catton

image of bronze figure of Spartan running girl

What do the women of the ancient Greek city-state of Sparta have in common with bizarre laws and a distinguished historian known for his writing on the American Civil War? The brilliant minds of Dr. Sean P. Dineen and Bill Weaver find them all fascinating. You will, too, and that is what they have in common. Follow the links to Bill and Sean’s podcasts. You will be amazed at what you did not know, and at how much fun you can having learning something new.

(Image courtesy of Caeciliusinhorto, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

The Healing Horse, Ch. 20, Scene 4: Tammy Understands

image of van gogh's painting "rain" After enduring the disdain and disrespect of the school psychologist, little Karen turns to her friend, Tammy, for comfort. (Painting “Rain” by Vincent van Gogh, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.)

Scene 4: Tammy Understands

On the school bus, her friend Tammy always sat right behind the driver. She leaned against the wall of the bus with her legs straight out in front of her. This meant she took up a whole seat, but it felt good after having her knees bent all day at school, so no one objected. Karen sat behind her, so they could talk.

“I had a session with Dr. Muñoz, today!”

“Oh, boy!” Tammy squealed. “Tell me about it. Did he ask you what color the sun is?”

Karen felt her tension release, the moment she heard Tammy’s voice. She giggled. Anxiety had distorted her hearing since she followed Dr. Muñoz down the hallway. Tammy’s words were the first she had heard clearly and without distortion since that morning.

“It all started with me walking slower than he wanted me to. He hurried down the hall to his office and expected me to keep up. You know how tall he is. Even if I had two good legs, I couldn’t keep up with him. Then, he put me into that cell he calls his office. Everything in it was lined up, organized, and sterile. He stared at me like I wasn’t human and talked down to me like I was stupid.”

Tammy interrupted to ask, “But did he ask you what color the sun was?”

“No, but he asked me how the rain came down!”

Tammy laughed, and her laughter soothed Karen’s heart. They chatted, Tammy sympathized, and the ride passed. Karen felt her nerves relax, but her mind would not let go of its questions about how she could measure up to the experts’ standards.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 20, Scene 3: Walking Back to Class

image of school hallways with one student in it

In spite of her defeat at the hands of the psychologist, little Kitten does not give up on herself. She knows that this is a time when she will need support from her friends, and rather than giving in to negativity she plans to speak with them as soon as she can.

(Image by ChadPerez49, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 3: Walking Back to Class

Without waiting for her to leave, he began scribbling his notes. She saw that he had no interest in engaging with her, whether before, during, or after the test. He had no interest in her at all. From the moment he had left her behind, as his long legs rushed him toward the examination room, to the moment when he dismissed her with a wave toward the door, as if she were too stupid to see the only exit from his office, he had treated her with contempt. She wondered why he had become a school psychologist, since he clearly had no sympathy for disabled students.

Walking through the hushed hallway back to her classroom, she thought to herself.

I know I’m smart. I may take a little longer at topics I don’t know, but I’m not retarded! I want to talk with Tammy and Pegasus.

Shout Out for Sean Dineen’s New Podcast

My friend, Sean P. Dineen, has begun podcasting. He and his friend, Bill Weaver, are doing a show about strange things you did not know. These are things like strange laws and little-known facts from history. Did you know that Blackbeard the Pirate was eventually beheaded after being killed?

Check out the first episode here:

https://youtu.be/RJ_fJ3ZLJ9I

The Healing Horse, Ch 20, Scene 2: Testing

In physics, the observer effect describes how measuring something can change it. In psychology, there is a similar effect, in which the attitude and instruments of the psychologist can change the behavior of the person being tested. In this scene, under the icy gaze of an angry psychologist, little Karen tries to pull herself together. She knows her test scores will affect the education she will have access to. But her delicate nervous system shuts down under the pressure.

(Image by Koogid, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 2: Testing

He opened the door at the end of the hall, and his arm extended again.

“Here we are, child.”

He directed her into a tiny room, no more than a closet.

“Sit, sit,” he said, his voice gnawing on her nerves.

His nose flared.

“Achoo! Excuse me, while I get a Kleenex. We have a lot to accomplish, and I don’t have a lot of my time to spend on you and your problems. Sit down, child, and let’s begin!”

Karen saw how far below him he thought she was. She sat down in one of two white, wooden, spindle-legged chairs, by a two by three foot white porcelain table. On the table were a thick tan file labeled with her name, a stack of testing cards, pencils, pens, a puzzle, a mirror and a coffee cup. The stark white walls had been textured to make the atmosphere warm, but without any pictures or personal touches they still looked sterile. The room was cold, and when she touched the table, it felt icy. She shivered and looked up at him.

So glacial. So very, very glacial and as hard as arctic ice. There is no kind presence, here.

Feeling trapped, she forced herself not to feel limited. She forced herself to focus. She used her willpower to remember how strong and intelligent she was, but she still felt her nervous system failing.

This is how Pegasus must have felt before he came to life, before I rescued him, when he was trapped and thrown on a heap with all the other horses.

Dr. Muñoz began his examination by frowning at her and asking questions in rapid fire, his deep voice taut with urgency. Regardless of what he asked, her stressed nervous system rearranged her sensory input. With every word he spoke, she forgot the word that came before. She could neither visualize them nor recall their sounds. The harder she tried, the more difficulty she had. She could not give the right answers, even though she knew that they were somewhere in her mind. She tried to match his level of insistence, but the more she demanded of herself, the less she could recall.

He asked her about the physics of falling rain and about the names of famous musicians. She understood gravity and condensation in cumulus clouds, and she tried to explain them to him, but she could not find the words. She and her mother delighted in Louis Armstrong, but with Dr. Muñoz’s accent, she thought he was asking her about Elouisa Armstrong, and so he noted that she was unable to appreciate music. Her only relief came when Dr. Muñoz had her assemble some jigsaw puzzles. These were easy, spatial, and nonverbal.

She felt herself becoming exhausted, as the tests drained her of all emotional and intellectual energy. Every effort to bring up a correct response depleted her energy more.

As the session ended, he asked her to repeat groups of numbers back to him, and she trembled inside. This was a decoding problem, her weakness, and exactly what she could not do when she was stressed. Body stiff and rigid, involuntarily shaking, her apprehension grew. She repeated back the numbers: 5, 76, 632, 936, 1066, 90401 and 666064 but she could not see the links between them or recall their order. She knew she must be transposing them and felt overwhelmed. Failure on this part of the test would lower her score even more than not being able to add or subtract without pencil and paper.

The hour with the psychologist seemed like a year with a torturer, and then she was finished. Done.

Without thanking her or giving any encouragement, Dr. Muñoz coldly said, “You can leave, now.”

He pointed to the door, only inches away.

Karen Lynn-Chlup This Able Team Interview

Now that you’ve read my interview with This Able Team, you can watch and listen to it on YouTube. This covers my disabilities, my experiences growing up as a person with multiple disabilities, and how I succeeded at having a career as a dance and fitness teacher, even though the doctors said I would never walk.

Please give it a like and subscribe to my channel.

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