Reflections of My Heart: City Walls

image of sparrows sitting on a wall

Back in the 70s and 80s, I was just a CP person with pipe dreams, a rebel with a cause, but with no one beside me, except for my dance teacher Al Gilbert and my friend Robert. Like the birds in the poem, I was nowhere to be seen. Like most people with disabilities, I was invisible in our society.

The chirping I heard sang the same melody I heard in my heart. I knew what I had to do. Whether or not anyone wanted to help me, I would do everything in my power to climb out of the quicksand of labeling and discrimination.

Within the well of my being, I knew that if anyone at all gave me the tiniest bit of help, just a hand up, I could move forward at that crucial time in life.

I had to keep speaking up and never acquiesce to these negative life experiences of being ignored. They would alter my life for the worst. Not just for the worse, but for the worst.

To accept this, I had to make a huge decision to change not only my belief structure, but my mind-set, my attitude, and how I looked at life.

The chirping was a calling. Those lonely birds sang to me, and I heeded their call. I sang back to them. And I sing still to this day.

CITY WALLS

Nowhere to be seen
I hear lonely birds chirping
Within city walls…

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Ilfracombe : Birds on the Wall by Lewis Clarke, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.

Reflections of My Heart: Cherished Symphony

Image of musical notation scale

I thought I had found someone who saw life like I did, and that inspired this poem. But once again, it was a lesson for my inner self. These precious moments were for me to see the type of person I was and who I was becoming. And they were for me alone. The men who came into my life taught me I was deeper than them. That I was kind and honest, and that I couldn’t and wouldn’t settle for less in them. That I deserved more. I deserved to be cherished and to cherish myself. At that moment, I knew. And I have kept that realization close to my heart ever since.

CHERISHED SYMPHONY

Oh, how I ponder
The thought of your sweet, tender
Symphony playing ever so sweetly
In my thoughts and mind.

They sing so sweetly with every chord
I listen carefully, I Hear, And I know
That our moments are forever moments
That will soon be cherished through time.

 

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.
Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Hyacinth at en.wikipedia, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.

Reflections of My Heart: Broken Beliefs

photo of bride in Lisbon

I look into the sky, a beautiful purple stream of light before me, dark, and full of destiny. I take a deep breath into my belly, filling my root chakras. This is a bridge to my future and how I perceive my life and how I can help the world around me.

In seconds, the despair disappears, the intense feeling gone. I feel my breath, my voice, my being. I am free. I see that having CP and enduring everything I have gone though made me that person who can bridge the divide. I can be the one who speaks up and out for the voiceless, who are afraid. And, maybe this will change the path for others.

I think often, how did I do this? But, I had no choice but to be myself. It was not only a challenge, but my destiny. So I did it with all my being.

I think back many a times. Maybe I was given all those challenges as an instrument to develop me, so I could help others. Maybe because I faced things that no one ever talked about was my way out. Maybe, the universe threw me all these curves because he knew I was strong even though I felt weak. And I went through them all by myself.

Because of this, I knew this was the time to accept, to heal, and to leave the hurt, pain and all these experiences to the universe so I could move forward to help others and become a symbol of joy and disability pride to help others like me.

BROKEN BELIEFS
In the dusk,
I see a
Purple passage,
A bridge like no other I’ve seen before!
This bandage is a bandage to heal
Broken beliefs, and mend the
Many moments of a tremulous life left behind! 

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Luís Ascenso, CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons.

Reflections of My Heart: Blazing

photo of firefighter shooting a stream of water to put our a fire

Life for me seemed to get more complicated. It felt like the walls were closing in. Again. No room to breathe or have a break to get though the next storm in my life. No peace of mind. Or simply a pause to smell the flowers. So I got my feelings out in a constructive way, so I could find peace in accepting all that was happening in my life without giving an inch to the people and institutions that discriminated against anyone with a disability.

In this poem, everything before me seemed to turn against me. Then the loneliness of despair. Despair set in.

It just kept getting darker for me. I was outraged.

I remember getting through my rage by screaming into a pillow and writing in my journal, ripping through the pages with anger, hurt, and despair. I had to release my feelings to remain calm until the red sky passed.

But even in the fire of anger, a rainbow manifested in my sky.

BLAZING

The black-fisted nights
Turned into
Purple days of loneliness!

And as I walk the cold streets,
I call out to nature’s gifts
To mankind!

They answer with expressionless emotion!

I kept walking only for the day to
Turn into a
Burnt crimson blaze!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. 

Image of Fire Fighting by David Dixon, CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.043, via Wikimedia Commons

Reflections of My Heart: Angel

image of angel whispering to a babyI have often felt a guiding spirit within myself, an angel who leads me through the hard times and whispers to me reminders of the beauty of life. This poem arose in my heart during one of those moments. 

ANGEL

I have an angel,
She watches over me

I have an angel,
She speaks through me.

I have an angel,
She sweetly works through me

But most of all,
I have an angel who
Lives within me
Guiding, guarding,
And protecting
Me!

Protect me
from those days of not long ago,
And make my way
Your loving way!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image courtesy of  Great Western Supply House., Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.

Reflections of My Heart: Albatross

Photo of albatross flying over sea

It was the middle of 1983. I looked into the black clouds filling the sky, ready to pour down on my friend and me. Suddenly, an albatross soared above us.

Seeing this bird gripped my thoughts and feelings. How was I going to make it through the storms of life? As the emotion stung my heart, I thought again. Was I going to have a chance in life like everyone else?

After admitting these feelings to myself, they softened, and I felt the albatross was a sign to accept myself unconditionally, to become strong and proud, and bravely be who the infinite power wanted me to be, in an honest and loving way.

ALBATROSS

As I looked into the gray sky,
The clouds stormed with rage.

And in the distance,
Flying through the sky,
Was an albatross!

Such a gentle-natured bird
Which clings to my every thought.
His strength has such force,
An enduring passion
In which it grasps my every move!

My albatross is not dead!
It wove a beautiful necklace
Around my neck, like a garland of lace,
To remind me of my tumultuous past!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by JJ Harrison, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Reflections of My Heart: Absent Heartbeat

Photo of Rodin's sculpture The Kiss

This poem speaks for itself. However, this relationship with this man was based on spoken untruths from the beginning. Call it sweet talk, if you want—misleading words to make someone believe something, when really he was minimizing me, a person with a so-called disability as he must have thought.

But I saw his truth, and it hurt deeply, because he couldn’t be honest with me and tell me how he truly felt, so we could not end our relationship amicably.

ABSENT HEARTBEAT

It was only a week, and my heart became one with yours!
We smiled. We laughed.
We even danced our hearts on fire.
We shared a sentiment that only one universe unites.

And then you left!
We parted with bitter, sweet goodbyes!

You told me our love would always live in our hearts and minds.
Only now, we both painfully feel the lonely passage of time!

We just met, and now we are separated
From each other’s arms.
Yet not too far for hearts that are entwined!
And not too far for lovers of one mind!

Oh, how unfair and, yes, so unkind!
Why does it have to be a test each time?
Haven’t we proved our unspoken words or
Isn’t it enough our solemn vows?

I long for your tender lips,
Your hungry heart,
The enduring physical embodiment of your soul
Only to encompass the
Mingling with mine!

I will sip the sweet words you quietly speak,
And believe bravely
To brace these unbearable times!

It is not easy
To count the minutes of each day,
The minutes of each week,
Only to find months that have slipped by!

I look amongst the cold crowds!
I search for your smile!
I look for your chestnut calm,
But wherever you are, you are not there!
I long for your touch to take the emptiness away.
My vision of you is dimming.
Your image is fading fast!
But I will NOT let that be!
I will not let your light extinguish from my mind and being!

Believe me when I say
We must be! We will be!

We must both find a way.
We must both breathe the same breath that will sustain
Us through this sequence of time!

Don’t give up my other half,
Don’t give in to this unquenchable urge,
As we must help each other
Through this difficult passage.

We will find a way to be together.
We must! We have to!
We will transcend this dauntless duration,
We will kiss again. And I will touch your tender soul
With your sweetness leading me to your wailing call!
Only to feel your faint breath so desperate for mine!

I will touch you.
I will soothe you.

I will answer your plea!
I will answer your heart with mine!
I will come to thee
With all the simple joys that will make
Your heart, our heart, happy and whole!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Caeciliusinhorto, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Reflections of My Heart: Berries

Photo of ladybugs on a leaf

I wrote this poem during my college years, while taking a walk with a man who tutored me. It was like a brother/sister relationship. Little by little, I trusted him more and more. He was brilliant and somehow knew exactly how to teach me. He was totally dedicated to teaching me. Somehow, between 1980 and 1985, he not only taught me how to study with classical music playing, or music without lyrics, but how to reduce the time I needed to complete my tests from forty-two hours down to two hours. I learned to remember school material, and to enjoy reading and taking books out of the library. He taught me not just how to write, but grammar, punctuation, and alliteration.

He made learning easy, without pressure. It was fun. I would meet him on campus, take my classes, and spend eight hours afterwards, studying with him.

He gave me projects to think or write about, like writing in haiku. On the day I wrote this poem, we were walking, when I spotted a group of ladybugs. It brought such a smile to my face, full of delight and whimsy, a childlike playfulness, and fancy. I want to share it with you now.

BERRIES

Picking small berries.
They are not berries at all,
But red ladybugs!  

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Chiring chandan, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Reflections of My Heart: Barren Branches

Photo of pink fuchsia blossom

I wrote this poem sometime between 1983 and 1985. I had taken a walk on a cloudy afternoon. It was one of those liminal days when the moon hangs in the sky like a reminder of the mysteries of life. In the front yard of a home in Santa Monica, there stood a barren tree. A single fuchsia dangled brightly from a branch. It caught my eye and my heart as I walked alone, despite all I had accomplished.

BARREN BRANCHES

                                          
Tree beneath the moon
And on its barren branches
One lonely fuchsia!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Dominicus Johannes Bergsma, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Reflections of My Heart: Asylum

Image of ghost-like scuffs on a sidewalk

[Image credit: Daderot, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons]

Years ago, I met a man. We were perfect, or so I thought, but then he ghosted on me. Disappeared from my life. What went wrong? Was it because of my disabilities? I will never know. Has this happened to you?

 

 

 

ASYLUM

Oh, vicious world, so cruel and cold,

Come, take me from

My darkest woe!

 

Original text ©2023 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.