The Healing Horse, Ch. 7, Scene 19: The Calliope Was Silent

First, let me apologize for not posting this, as scheduled on Wednesday. My faithful editor spent much of the day getting his second Pfizer COVID 19 inoculation, so work ground to a halt.

Back to this scene, one of my favorites in the book—after struggling with her CP and dyslexia, after struggling to attain any level of freedom, after beginning to find that freedom and joy in the company of her mentor Pegasus, he was ripped away from her in a heartless land-grab that eventually led to a community uprising, as the people of Santa Monica stood up to stop the destruction of their iconic amusement park, which included the hippodrome in which Pegasus lived. But meanwhile, little Karen, little Kitten, dedicated herself to overcoming the emotional and physical shock of losing her mentor, and to returning to the place she last saw him, so she could rescue him. This is the scene where she calls upon her inner wisdom, her magic, and he responds, returning to her side.

Scene 19: The Calliope Was Silent

The calliope was still silent, and the hippodrome remained gloomy and dark, but now the high wire fence had a padlocked gate. Resting for a moment on a bench across from the hippodrome, she wondered if she could get in. The thick Friday–night crowd hurried by her, oblivious to the shuttered carousel.

Above the pier, though, the sunset filled the sky with profuse, otherworldly colors. Gazing up at them, she breathed deeply and released the discordant tension within herself. She had silenced her inner voice of discouragement. She had shaken the sadness from her spirit. She would find a way. She was ready to continue her search.

She left the bench and crossed the stream of people, back to the hideous hurricane fence. With the hippodrome windows boarded up, she could not see Pegasus or anything else inside. In her imagination, she heard the calliope and saw the flashing lights, but tonight it was dark and silent. She leaned on the fence, staring straight ahead, searching her heart for guidance.

Why did my strength blossom at this point—now, when I am wondering what they did with Pegasus? Where did they take him? What happened to all the other pretty horses?

Her heart replied that her strength had returned because of her newfound ability to visualize, and to make what she imagined into something real.

She turned away from the metal fence and the ugliness that surrounded the beautiful hippodrome. In spite of the Friday evening noise, in her perception she could hear only the distant ticking of the Bay City Building clock, just a few blocks inland from the pier, as it measured the minutes of life from its great height. Other than the sound of time passing, silence surrounded her.

Where was Pegasus? She forced her trembling legs back into action and hobbled through the crowd toward the end of the pier. Glancing at the rides and amusements, she saw nothing of him. She reached the end and looked out at the darkening Pacific, as the last light of the day faded to black. The distant sound of the clock disappeared, and she heard only the lonely sound of seagulls calling to each other.

She visualized Pegasus, just as she had visualized herself walking, again. Picturing and envisioning him, she saw him disentangled, unharmed and free.

Soon, he will be by my side.

Filling her lungs, she called into the wind, “Pegasus! Pegasus! Can you hear me?”

For a moment, she stood in silence. The sounds of the crowd and the gulls, the whisper of the sea disappeared. Then, in the distance behind her, she heard a soft sound, the sound of hooves on a wooden pier. Afraid to turn and look, she froze as the sound grew more powerful with each step.

Overcoming her fear, she whirled as her gallant rainbow stallion trotted up to her, the lights in his midnight eyes glowing like the stars in the sky above.

“Is it you? Is it really you?”

“It is I. I heard your call, and I came.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 7, Scene 18: K Races to Rescue Pegasus

Scene after scene, little Karen draws upon her inner strength as she struggles through life, facing one disappointment after another, but soon, everything will improve for her.

Scene 18: K Races to Rescue Pegasus

Smiling back at mama, she explained where she was going, and out the kitchen door she flew. Like an injured mama cat searching for her lost kitten, she limped down the street, her calm composure helping her endure.

“So glad to be outside, again,” she said to herself as she took in breath after breath of fresh air and soaked up the sunlight. “I am well, again. I am well. I can take this walk. I can take this walk just like I did before! Step by step I will move forward. I will make my way down the sidewalk, through the park, and down the ramp to the hippodrome, pushing, pushing on.”

The outside Karen shared this adventure with her inner Kitten, and her inner KItten provided the strength she needed. Block after block she marched, drawing strength from difficulty. With each step, she felt her weak muscles working hard, pulling with every contraction and stretching with every elongation. This was the furthest she had walked in weeks, and she knew that the journey was taking over twice as long as it used to. After an hour of trudging, she reached her destination, both legs trembling from fatigue.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 7, Scene 17: Karen Races From the School Bus

Karen’s strength returns with her determination to find Pegasus. She hurries from the school bus to change clothes before going to look for him.

Scene 17: Karen Races From the School Bus

The lowering sun touched the Pacific’s horizon, as she scurried from Mr. Hinton’s bus to her door.

She hurried to change out of her school clothes. From her closet, she pulled her lucky pink overalls and white crew neck top. These were the clothes for today. Nothing else would do.

After easing her paralyzed left arm into the sleeve of her red jacket, she slid her right into the other arm looked into her mirror.

That will do. The pink and red don’t clash. They’re fine together. Everything is complementary, today. Everything is in harmony.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 7, Scene 16: Karen Uses Her Imagination to Regain Her Strength

In this scene, the story begins to climb. The sweetness of autumn provides a contrast to Kitten’s mood, and she takes note. Within minutes, her imagination reminds her of the pleasure of riding on Pegasus’ back. Then she has an epiphany. She needs to take action. She discovers an encouraging note from her mother. She sets aside here crutch and paces the room, her head full of plans for the morrow. She is on the mend.

Scene 16: Karen Uses Her Imagination to Regain Her Strength

That Thursday evening, as she huddled in the warmth of her window seat, she found herself in complete incongruity with the sweet taste of the autumn air that came in from outside. The contrast between her jagged emotional state and the coziness of her home made her feel even lonelier than ever.

Looking up at the stars in the misty, blue sky, she daydreamed about the good times she had enjoyed while riding her stallion at the carousel, and about how he had come alive for her and for her alone. Yet, she could not stop thinking about what would become of him. Indulging herself, she envisioned everything working out for the best, but she knew that dreams were not enough. She would have to take action.

She envisioned the day when she would once more climb upon his back. Her imagination brought her back to her carousel experiences as if she were living them, again, and she felt as if her view of life were changing on some deep level, as if she were beginning to see with a new clarity, free from the scratched lenses of conventional conditioning that had clouded her vision all her life.

As the evening passed, she felt an urge to move. Forcing herself to stand, she noticed a piece of paper that had been sitting on her desk for several days. She had not felt up to looking at it, but now she did. Using her crutch, she hobbled across her room to her desk. It was a note in Mama’s handwriting.

Dear Kitten, This is another challenge in life—a trying situation you are facing. I wish you didn’t have to go through this. But you make me prouder than I could ever say. Your concern for Pegasus will break down all barriers and bring him back to you.

As she read these words, she felt Mama’s confirmation energize her. Her own strength returned to her legs. With renewed vitality, she leaned the crutch against the wall and slowly walked the floor. One careful step at a time, she picked up speed, bending her knees to make sure her legs were in good position and form.

This is wonderful! I just needed some encouragement. I’ll tell Mama, now, so she can stop worrying, and tomorrow after school I can go out looking for Pegasus.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 7, Scene 15: Karen Wastes Away

The story continues darkly, but even in the depths of her weakening, and even though she knows the doctors cannot cure her, little Karen knows in her heart that she can cure herself.

Scene 15: Karen Wastes Away

As the week passed, Karen became too infirm to walk without the crutch. Her mother left Kitten’s favorite foods on the bedside table—warm rice with butter melting on it, greenish yellow bananas, toasted rye or Challah bread, or Kitten’s favorite—a poppy-seed bagel with an eighth of an inch of lox and a quarter inch of cream cheese—but Karen did not eat.

Karen tried reading and watching TV to pass the time, but her mind refused these distractions. She was completely focused on Pegasus and on her own failing strength. Yet, even though the situation appeared grim and hopeless to her, she knew deep inside that this was only a passing appearance—an illusion. Eventually she would see the truth. A feeling grew in her heart that the problem with her legs was not medical. The doctors could not cure her. She would have to cure herself. She would have to rescue Pegasus, too, but she could not see how she could do either, not yet.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 7, Scene 14: Mama Takes Action

The story looks like it is about to turn a corner and become more hopeful, but do not be fooled. Medical help is not what little Kitten needs.

Scene 14: Mama Takes Action

The next morning Mama set up appointments with several specialists. Kitten and Mama began a round of visits to medical offices. None of the doctors had an explanation or a cure. They could not find anything new wrong. One prescribed a crutch and exercise. Another suggested bed rest. None enquired about her emotional state or the conditions of her life. For the entire week, Karen didn’t leave her house except to go to the doctors.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 13: Karen Tells Mama She Needs Help

Karen continues her descent into weakness and negativity. In this scene, she turns to her mother for help. Soon the story will take a turn for the better, but not yet.

Scene 13: Karen Tells Mama She Needs Help

After a week of fruitless effort, Karen knew she desperately needed help. She talked to her mother.

“Mama, something is wrong with me. My legs have gotten weak, so weak I can barely walk. I need help. I tried keeping this a secret because I didn’t want you to worry, but I can’t do it anymore! I can’t!”

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 12: Karen Slips Into Negative Thinking

Little Karen keeps up her spirits and her iron determination, but a the days pass without any improvement, her thoughts become negative. She tries to hide her suffering from the two beings who have the power to alleviate it.

Scene 12: Karen Slips Into Negative Thinking

As the days passed, she found she could not walk all the way to the pier. Defeated by fatigue and grief, every day she covered less ground than the day before. By the next weekend, she had lost all the strength and endurance she had gained during her months of reading about carousels and visiting Pegasus. She could barely drag herself through the school day before collapsing at home.

Alone in her room, she vowed never to let Mama or Pegasus know how bad she felt.

What’s wrong with me? I never used to be this weak or frail. I can’t let on to Mama that something is wrong. She’ll be upset, and this will just add to her problems. I can’t let her know! I have to do my best to cover this up. I have to pretend. I won’t give Mama even one chance to see that I’m struggling. I can’t let Pegasus find out, either! It will take away his hope and belief in me. He has enough to worry about. He has to keep believing that one day we’ll be together again. If he finds out that the brace on my leg feels heavier and heavier, it will kill him. It will stop him from trying to free himself. It will take away the little breath he now breathes! I can’t let him down. I can’t!

She knew that she and Pegasus needed each other more than ever. Their lives had gone deeply wrong with the destruction of the carousel. They needed each other’s support and strength and were famished from lack of each other’s nourishing presence.

Karen’s iron determination to be strong did not fail, even as she sank deeper into sorrow. For the next week, she disciplined herself to perform and perfect the exercises she had learned from her physical therapist. She adapted and applied the training program to improve her bone and muscle strength. She forced herself to walk as far as she could, no matter how tired or weak she felt.

Like an Olympian, she practiced visualization to focus the power of her mind on breaking through this challenge of healing her body. Vigilantly, she visualized to actualize her healing process.

Inwardly compelled, she determined that she would regain and realize her highest potential. Drawing from her inner strength, she asked her infinite self to achieve her intention. With her mental, emotional and physical goals in place, she never gave in or gave up hope for herself and for her dashing, lavender stallion.

Yet, she grew weaker.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 11: Kitten’s Grief Saps Her Strength

This scene continues the dark journey of little Karen as she suffers from the absence of Pegasus and his magic from her life.

Scene 11: Kitten’s Grief Saps Her Strength

Every day, Karen made her best effort to visit Pegasus, and every day she found it harder to walk, harder to bend her aching knees, and harder to carry on with her life, much less trudge the long blocks to the pier.

In an agonizing downward spiral, she pictured the fearsome tunnel. In her mind, she stood at one end and cried out to him. She tried to walk to him, but in her imagination the paralysis had spread throughout her body.

Even though she knew that her beloved Pegasus was not really inside the ghostly tunnel she had imagined, she knew he was most assuredly in the wreckage of the carousel with the other abandoned horses.

But what could she do? The stress and strain weighed heavily on her body and spirit. Every day, the trauma stripped away more of her strength. She was sick with sorrow. The absence of Pegasus’ vitalizing animation eroded her energy. Her muscles weakened and deteriorated.

Spiraling downward, the real environment of the demolished carousel arose in her memory. The ruined weariness of it all! Grief filled her heart. The thought of Pegasus trapped in such circumstances made her more than sad. It possessed her with deep, demonic pain.

She felt herself dissolve in grief and mourning. She questioned her recently acquired pride and sense of empowerment as a young girl with disabilities. Where would she find the strength and wisdom to save Pegasus and herself?

She endured, but enduring took all of her energy and all of her will. Her once-cheerful, positive personality became a distant memory. Karen’s dear friend had been snatched from her and was suffering in a dark limbo.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 10: Karen Walks Home, Her Mind Spinning

The story grows darker, as scene by scene, Karen trudges through despair toward new happiness. If she ever gave up, then that would end the story. But she did not give up.

Scene 10: Karen Walks Home, Her Mind Spinning

Karen turned and departed the pier, thinking of ways to release her stallion and all the other horses. With heavy steps, she dragged herself through the now-wearisome streets, trudging through her once-happy neighborhood, absorbed in apprehension and sorrow. Dizzy and feverish, she tried to come up with a solution. She wracked her brain, but came up clueless. She tried to be calm and composed, but her heart was racing and breaking. She tried to approach this situation in a level-headed manner, but she was unable to gain any sense of equilibrium. In a vicious cycle, Kitten tried reasoning and rationalizing, hoping against hope to gain some kind of tranquility, yet she became even more nervous and panicky. This dreadful cycle continued.