The Healing Horse, Ch. 9, Scene 04: Karen Struggles with Separation Anxiety

This scene describes the early afternoon—a quick lunch followed by a heart-to-heart talk between Karen and Pegasus. She is afraid of losing touch with him, even though she knows she will not. He is afraid of living life as a real horse on a ranch with other horses. But their courage carries them forward.

Scene 04: Karen Struggles with Separation Anxiety

In their driveway, Mama and Karen climbed out of the car and looked for Pegasus. He was grazing in the backyard. Karen brought him more water and the bagel. She and Mama sat in the shade under the picnic table umbrella to eat theirs. Mama ate quickly and went into the house to do some cleaning.

With Mama gone, Kitten told Pegasus about the ranch. He stopped grazing and listened carefully, but his only reply was to say that it sounded nice. Karen felt drowsy in the warm afternoon air. Sluggishly, her eyelids fluttered. She did not feel like talking, either. The fatigue from a night spent on the garage floor followed by a day of questing for a stable weighed heavily on her.

She lay on the patio chaise lounge. Gazing into the blue sky, she realized how much time had passed since the carousel had been demolished and her strength had almost failed. The leaves on the mountain trees at the ranch had already turned red and yellow, but until today she had not noticed the change of seasons. She had been focused on rescuing Pegasus.

Since meeting her equine mentor, she had diligently worked at putting her spiritual insights into practice. Even during the agony of their separation, she had trained herself to live in the here and now, and to take each moment as it came while believing in a promising future. Now, however, she found her mind filled with ugly images from her recent past. She saw the demolished carousel and the beautiful horses thrown into a pile. She saw Pegasus at the end of a dark tunnel, and felt herself alone without a spiritual mentor. The gated fence, the horses, and the look on Joshua’s face when he told her that the carousel was being closed haunted her.

Knowing the truth of how her consciousness interacted with her life experience, she put forth her mightiest effort to change how she reacted to the past and to the present. Her mind cleared. On the one hand, she was happy for her mentor. He had achieved transformation into a living being, and now she was doing her part by making sure he received proper care and lived in a suitable home for a spiritual being. On the other hand, she was sad because he would be leaving her home. After all the months of yearning, she had spent less than twenty-four hours with her stallion. She reminded herself that Mama had committed. She would take her to the ranch at least once every day.

Opening her eyes and getting up from the chaise, she walked to Pegasus. He seemed taller than he had been when she rode him home. He looked more like a real horse every time she looked at him.

Is he still changing, becoming more alive?

In her heart, she sensed his apprehension. Like her, he was consciously staying calm as he dealt with his transformation and the changes that came with it. She wanted to keep her own fear to herself, but suspected that he had already sensed it.

He raised his head as she stroked his neck.

They both asked, “Are you all right?” at the same moment.

“You first,” Karen said.

Pegasus whinnied, as if to clear his throat.

“I’m apprehensive about this move,” he confessed. “Life in a living body is quite different from what I am used to. I never thought I would actually come alive. Now, I will be moving to a real ranch, where I will live with other real horses and cowboys, too. Part of me wants to stay in your garage for a while. I feel vulnerable and out of place. Nevertheless, I know what my purpose is, and that is to be your spiritual mentor, so I am not complaining. How about you?”

Karen replied that she had not thought that he would ever come alive, or that she would ever have a real horse in her life, much less a talking spiritual horse. She explained her own mixed feelings about his moving to the ranch.

“No matter where you live, I will always be a part of your life, and you will always be a part of mine. I rescued you from the demolished carousel, and you are leading me to a better life in the real world. I will always be as grateful for you as you are for me.”

©2021, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

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