Different Stages in a Learning Disabled Writer’s Life

By Karen Lynn

March 2008

Back in the spring of 1970, I reflect upon the days of my young life. I remember being full of energy, being enthusiastic, and working as a sales girl at Ohrbach’s Department store. Every day I would come to work with a smile on my face and a vibrancy to help all. It gave me a meaning and purpose to get up every day, primp and fuss, look professional, and go out into the big world, and be productive in a powerful way. It also helped me not focus on myself or my disability; as I wanted to fit in, and bring as little attention to my disability as possible. Going to work everyday essentially gave me more vitality and desire to do more and accomplish more for myself.

I remember opening these heavy double glass doors to the department store, and being greeted by security managers who would playfully banter with me. “Hey Kitten, how ya do’in, today? Did you bring the sunshine in with you?” They would say. Some how, my smile brought a warmth to other people’s hearts. But this day was different. This day brought a delight all of its own. This day, I met a very handsome guy. He had black, thick, wavy hair, brown glowing eyes, and a smile that was warm, inviting, and drew me to want to know him more. He was about 5’ 9” tall and was a perfect height for my 5 foot one inch stature. He was studying to become a doctor, and this was just a part time job for him. The mere fact that he was interested in me, made me feel accepted in ways I never did before. It transformed my feelings about myself.

In the beginning we exchanged glances, then words, and eventually he became my boyfriend. He worked in the men’s department, while I worked as a sales girl for all the departments, selling merchandise in these cubicles. These partitions were on the main floor, right near the elevators and escalators. Thus, me being me, I would wave or make cheerful greetings to all those people I began to know and become friend with, young and old. “Hey how ya doing…” I would say. “You got a load on your shoulders don’t ya?” Somehow I drew people’s friendliness out. Even Paul’s! He would stop over at my cubbi any time he was passing by. When he would come off the elevator or escalator, he would ask how I was, or, if I needed any more merchandise. Slowly, there was a silent growing, connection between us. A bond kept building like a crescendo. He would start a conversation out of the blue. Then one day, as I stood folding some clothes, with my stronger un-paralyzed, hand, he walked up to my cubbie, and asked me out. I was so excited, that I was beaming from ear to ear! Paul accepted me for who I was, looking beyond my physical disability.

After all the physical therapy and dance lesson’s I went through as a child and a young person with Cerebral Palsy, (CP) my physical impairment of left side hemiplegia was not that noticeable. All I had was a limp. A foot that was ¾ inches shorted than the other. It was not as distinct as it once was nine years prior to this date and time. I was blessed because my orthopedists told me…“to hang up my full length leg brace in the closet”. So to the lame person’s eyes, it was not obvious, and did not draw attention to me as it once did, because I could wear dress shoes like other women my age and older.

However, there was one part of me that no dance lesson could ever fix. That part of me was my learning disability. Even though I had been passed from class to class, and graduated with so called honors, I really never retained any thing I learned. Despite the fact that my learning disability was not seen, it made it impossible for me to do the things that a “normal” person would take for granted.

So now, my boyfriend was going to Spain to continue his studies. Once he got there, he wrote, but I in return could not write back. I could not find the words to express myself, let alone, put them on paper. This was devastating to me. After all these years of special education classes, and being passed from one grade to another, I still could not construct a simple sentence.

All my younger years flash before my very eyes! It was like a door that had been locked, which slowly opened with all its ghost and goblins before me. It was happening all over again! I struggled, and struggled, and struggled to write to him. I tried putting words together only to erase and ripped the paper beneath me so hard, that it brought back the agonizing memories of me sitting at my desk in third grade, ready to pull my hair out because I could neither do the work in front of me, or complete it. Thus, I started to string words together which hand no meaning or rhyme to anybody. It seemed as though I was putting words and letters together that made absolutely no sense at all to what it was I was feeling or trying to say.

This was the result of an educational system focused on meaningless memorization and structural concepts at the extent of real useful material and learning. My teacher’s never understood that I needed good communication skills and the knowledge of how the world worked to gain the independent life I so much wanted. I sat in a special education class for over four years with work to do by myself, a screen to block out all distractions, and a teacher who came to see how I was forging forward every four hours. It was busy work, not the one-on-one support or skills I needed to build my knowledge, self-esteem, or self confidence. Nor, did it give me the tools to use later on in my adult life to make my needs and desires known, or to interact with the larger world.

Too often learning disabled young people are written off like I was. I was brought up in the 1950’es. If it wasn’t for my dear mother, or her deep concern about my learning discrepancies, my elementary school would have never gotten the first special education teacher in the state of California. My teachers did what they could, but they had definite gaps in teaching, as I had in learning. There focus was on maintaining calm at any cost! Too, often, students with genuine learning problems were lumped together with students with emotional problems, and, behavior difficulties.

Thus, the teachers in these environments have to waste a lot of time pacifying those students while ignoring genuine learning difficulties. There isn’t enough time in the day to teach what needs to be taught. It was an endless cycle for both. We both were frustrated and we both did not have the methods or techniques to reach each others core. Also, these experts did not realize, or think things through for my case and situation. It often looked to me as though they really didn’t want to work to find out what was truly the best for me. Moreover, they never presented a clear plan of practical possibilities. They did not even think ahead and reason that I would someday have to take care of myself, and, that my mother would not live forever. Furthermore, they never even considered that I might have a good head on my shoulders despite my C.P. and a learning disability, and really needed some experts to take a long term view on me individually. I needed these experts to step out of the box, to look past rules and procedure to help me build a long lasting future for myself instead of labeling me mentally retarded on three separate occasions.

They never concurred or conceded that perhaps I had a really good chance to change the course of my life. The Orthodox View during that time was based on a false premise which held that, daily life skills couldn’t be learned in a mainstream work environment. My goal was to succeed in a society that was neither accepting nor forgiving. These “experts”, no matter how hard I tried, were not used to someone of my level of intelligence to speak up for themselves. They didn’t think that perhaps I had a mentality for success. They did not think that if I was taught using methods I could understand and grasp I would go on to a self-sufficient life, far from the workshop mentality they assigned me to labor in as a young girl of 18 years old. I had far more life experiences to spend my time on, then the routine evaluations and folding boxes with one hand that they forced me to go through.

These misunderstandings were based on the idea of a clientele who didn’t have the ability I had. There old-fashioned minded thinking and the lack of “real” discussion, communication and teem work thought they would prevent me from progressing and moving forward in my life. Instead, what they did for me was stimulate my desires to help myself even more. By saying they could not help me time and time again; they activated juices deep within my soul to keep carry on. Inadvertently, they helped to make me a highly motivated person, who would not let society dictate my role. That is where my tenacity to help myself and others came from. I would not, from that time forth, settle for less then what was meant for me to become. But this battle was long, hard, and has spanned throughout the 57 years of my life. Still, I am not finished yet.

These professionals, and these agencies that were designed specifically for the “disabled community,” caused me only to sink deeper into a system that did not recognize; and still does not respect my fullest potential. They dehumanized me, by telling me directly to my face that I should be a sales girl, and told me I had scattered thoughts because I had interest in psychology, sociology, dance movement therapy, and therapeutic recreation therapy. These experts made fun of me in a very patronizing and subtle way. With a shrewd, delicate, and precise way, they were very capable in pulling the wool over my eyes; by labeling me mentally retarded. They indeed prevented me from going on to attain my Bachelors Degree, and Masters Degree; and they caused me to have to search out winning another Civil Rights Case, for my education; which did not succeed.

My mother was a single parent, as my father had died twenty years earlier, and could not afford to pay for tooters, or special educators for me. Nor did I expect her to. The system backfired in my face. They cause me undo strife, conflict, and discord; along with having caused all my legal papers to be sealed and forgotten forever. But this did not stop me! This made me fight even harder and more passionately than ever before. It helped me to defend myself and to return blows in a positive and constructive way. It made my desire even stronger to make my life happen, because there was “no one” who would aid or help me achieve my life’s dreams and goals. I was left all alone to conquer life’s challenges in this world. .

This counselor and all their compatriots did not acknowledge my views or value me and my wishes. They saw me rather as a problem to be handled, rather then to be a person to be developed and validated. They could not, nor were they willing to give me a chance to go out into the big world and live life like every other human being and prove myself.

The best example of this attitude came when I was struggling in second grade. I came home from school one evening with homework that I could not do by myself. So I asked my mother for help. She was so infuriated at the fact that I could not do this homework,, that she took the closest thing that could write, which was her red lipstick, and wrote on the homework itself…”GIVE KAREN HOMEWORK, THAT KAREN CAN DO BY HERSELF!” This humiliated me, and after all these years I still remember that incident, vividly.

So, as I sat there, trying to write my letter, I could not help but think of all the times before me. I really did not want my mother to have to write this letter- as I wanted it to be my letter. I also wanted to prove to myself that I could write a simple letter all on my own, without the help or coaching from my mother. I wanted to express my own feelings, in my own way, in the privacy of my own room.

The tears began to well up, and suddenly I felt licked, crushed, and overwhelmed. I could not even put together a simple letter on my own. I felt defeated. I was so desperate, that I once again turned to the only other person I knew who could help me. That was my mother. And once again my mother took it upon herself to lovingly help me write a letter that would express what I wanted to say to my boyfriend at the time.

That moment changed my life forever. It left a deep, searing, impression in my heart which left a thirst and a yearning to move mountains before me. It also left an intense feeling to be respected as a writer. This was the beginning of a life-long quest to break out of a role that was comfortable for the “experts,” but not for me!

As far as my boyfriend Paul goes, we would only have that summer together. He went his way, and I mine. But that experience was the catalyst that drove me to keep bettering myself.

On this journey, called “My Life,” I was fortunate to find those people, who I dearly call “My Angels,” who could see beyond the person I was. For the next twenty some odd years, I never stopped reaching for my goals. The memory of that experience has driven me to everything I have accomplished throughout my quest. I become a PBX operator, a recreation director, a fitness instructor for the disabled for well over 35 years; I won the first Civil Rights Case, in the state of California, under section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, in 1979. I won second place in the Kaleidoscope Literary Pose Fiction Art contest of 1983; I attained my Associate of Arts Degree in 1985, I sat on the Executive Board of Protection and Advocacy Inc., in 2002, becoming an official advocate for the disabled.

But the most recent of all my latest achievements was publishing my fictionalized autobiography “The Broken Hoof.” This book took me full circle. After twenty years of compiling it, the words I wrote sang sweetly in my heart. I realized that in well over forty years of steadily, struggling on this quest of mine- that my pain was not in vain. I realized I had something to give. I realized I could help others by what I went through. I realized I could bring encouragement, strength, and hope to other people’s lives, in a way that perhaps no one else could.

This has been a journey of all journeys. A quest of all quests! This mission, has led me to developing my own website, Whispers of Hope, located at: https://www.whispersofhope.org,. Along with seeing, that each of these experiences reinforced my ultimate desire to become a motivational speaker. Nothing will ever stop me from pursuing what I desire. And no one will ever stand in the way of my usefulness, or change my honest, genuine, caring nature. Dr. Martian Luther King reminded us, we all have our journey to the mountain top to make.

I would not change one bit of my life’s course. Each experience has made me a stronger, more beautiful, humble, human being. It has helped me to look beyond all circumstance, learn from them, grow, and take what is good from each and every situation. I also learned not to take things as personally as I once did. Now I know how to let things go, laugh a whole lot more, and make light of situations that I once took way too seriously. I know now how to make a win-win situation out of something that is a so-called negative.

Every person who has come into my life and entered my circle, has been a direct descendent of the person I have chosen to become today. I believe in destiny. And I believe that not only were these experiences meant to be, but that these devoted people, who came into my life at the very moment I need them the most, helped me to reach for another attainable star. I believe that there are no mistakes in this world. Everything has a reason and a purpose for happening. I am not only grateful for them, but they taught me to be me… These people gently and sweetly guided me along my voyage with a kind encouragement and knowledge that no “expert” ever had in their hearts to give me.

Thriving in an Un-Accepting Society and World

Thriving in an Un-Accepting

Society and World

By Karen Lynn-Chlup

February, 2008

Many, many years ago, I was born into this world. I was a delightful, loving, child who smiled continuously, and, who gave my parents only pleasure. But 5 months after I was born, I became paralyzed due to a DPT shot. I fell into a deep coma, not to awake for 10 days. I slept, and slept, and slept, as the doctors were ready to declare me with severe developmental delays, but my sweet spirit soared. I recovered, but not completely- just enough to change my world and to change others who were touched by my presence.

My almost complete recovery was not enough to make me like all the other children in my world, but enough to make me appreciate the two worlds while bringing them together. It implanted within me a spirit and an iron will to over-come my challenges and to be everything the experts said I could never become. My diagnoses- left side hemiplegic, Cerebral Palsy and learning disabled.

In my parent mind, my family knew I was going to need help, but they wanted that help to make me better. They did not want this help to isolate me from the world. One day, in my mother’s busy, active, life, she found a dance school to help build and keep my muscles strong. She found a man with a kind heart, who wanted to give of himself. It was my mama Katie, who was progressive, and wanted me to live a normal life. That was very rare for a child growing up in the 1950’s. And, I over-came more obstacles then most people could count.

Despite a patch-work educational system, bullying from peers and experts, alike, I determined to live life on my own terms. During that era, society considered Cerebral Palsy a one way ticket to a sheltered workshop and I wanted nothing to do with that at all- Thus, I made up my mind that I was not going to be categorized by anyone, let alone a professional or a Para- professional by that means. No one realized at the time how hard I was going to have to work. Also, no one knew what kind of personal determination I had, or how that victory would transform the new world to come.

After being labeled for a second time, I had had ENOUGH! I filed a law suit against California State Department of Rehabilitation, and won hands down. I used my victory to earn an AA degree in English and dance. And after graduation, I became a fitness instructor specializing in adaptive aerobics. My unparalleled contribution is still not known to the common or lay person at hand to this very day. My victory laid the foundation for everything we have achieved since. In everything I have done, I have not only put my life on the line, but I have done it with grace, dignity, laughter, and passion in my heart to help and heal all.

My example is one, the rest of the community could learn well from. The reality is there are many people in this expanded world, who have to be dealt with. Some wish to help, some want to get in the way, and others just want to compete. No one, even if they are in the same circumstance, can conquer anything without a combination of a loving, giving heart, and a strong will, and an intransigent mind.

Whispers of Hope

URL: http//www.whispersofhope.org

Valuing Who We Are

The days of January 2008 have almost passed us by. The rain has drenched the grown, the snow covers the mountain tops, and the sun tries to shine brightly through the grayish clouds. Pretty soon it will be Valentine’s day where partners send flowers and roses valuing their significant other. Will we stand alone or will we too be valued?

In the Oxford English Dictionary, the definition for the word valued is…the regard that something is held to deserve; importance or worth. Are we and our lives held with value or worth? Do others accept us for who and what we are? Disability, silent or not? Do we accept others and ourselves with the sensitivities we have as being people (with Cerebral Palsy or a learning disability)? Even though, we have C.P., a learning disability, have scoliosis, a developmental delay, arthritis, or whatever our disability may be- WE are still men and women, young and old, of the human race. We still want to be treated respectfully and with care and kind regard.

We want to be treated like those without a disability. We want to reach our highest potential and reach for the stars.

So, let me ask you… do you do everything you can to move your life forward? And if you can’t is there someone caring for you who can? Are you not only valuing yourselves more, but the one’s around you taking steps to give you the worth, regard and importance you to deserve? Do you feel your own worth and confidence?

For the most part, in our hearts of hearts, it matters to us deeply that others care. It matters how much people around us and in the disabled community understand and value us. It matters that we be treated with value. What ever our disability is, we would like people in our lives, our community, our world, our schools, and in our organizations to treat us like those without a disability.

Instead of competitiveness, let us teach others around us, to turn away from needing or having it all! Teach others how you need help, And show them the light and power of helping those who need help the most. It is not in the material or worldly good that we fine peace and harmony and worth within our every day experience- Instead, it is in the act of giving of ourself selflessly and lending advise and a hand to though’s who need it the most.

This Valentines, see what kind word or dead or act you personally can bring to the hearts of those with special needs. See how you feel. See the difference it brings to your spirit. It takes thought and mindfulness, care and consideration. It takes intention to do something positive. It takes a willingness to make a difference in just one person’s life. And it take doing ONLY one good dead to bring someone hope and joy!

How can each and every one of us make a contribution to society. How can we bring hope and faith to those who what it , need it, and deserve it the most? How can we make ours and other peoples voices heard? How can we help to move our and those other peoples lives around us forward? How can we bring peace back into our and others lives? It is our basic right- these are the fundamentals of wiping out true discrimination. Help me to make a stand and to make a difference one person at a time! I ask you…

We need to communicate our needs, our wants, and our desires and those achievement that would truly make us happy and fulfilled, while gaining the publics respect and our world to value us as human being such as we are. We must know within our own conscience that we are doing good, that we are making a differences.

From Passivity to Progress

I have spent the last 57 years of my life trying to show the world that a disability is not a death sentence. Again and again, I found my achievements rejected as impossible. They were castoff, unwarranted, and discarded; as the experts and all their knowledge could not measure my learning disability. I was conveniently deemed, mentally retarded, on three separate occasions because of an IQ test that could not measure my abilities. Then, when I went ahead, proved them wrong, and mastered my goals, alone, instead of helping me further, my wonderful experts gave me a thousand new obstacles to overcome. Would it have been so terrible for me to receive a friendly word of encouragement in place of their arrogant criticism?

I guess it was not meant to be! As I had to rely upon myself and those few brave soles that could see my capabilities, what I needed to be successful, and what I would develop into if nurtured. I went from being unable to write a letter to my boyfriend, at the age of eighteen years old, to publishing articles and a book.

Besides my other brandings, I was conveniently classified as having “scattered thoughts” because I dared to have multiple interests. I used dance to build and strengthen my body, while empowering and encouraging myself with words of permission to succeed. My self-worth and confidence soared. I learned not to take no for an answer. I was even able to hang up my full length leg brace in the closet, never ever to wear it again at the age of eleven years old.
It seemed that these professionals were actually ashamed that I had the guts, backbone, and morel fiber to make my life better. I would not settle for the comfortable, docile, submissive existence they were kind enough to allow me to live! What’s even more appalling and inexcusable, is that people who don’t rock the boat, are more likely to get help. Yet, people like myself, get the run around, and no help at all.

In spite of all my achievements, I am still struggling to make a living of my own. I still receive supplemental income despite every effort to be self-sufficient and independent. What’s more is that I am even more single-minded, driven, and determined to live my life on my own terms. I haven’t given up by any means. And, I will continue to live to tell the tale, and thrive, in the gifted and talented ways I was born to provide.

Choice and Destiny Lead to Control and Insidership

I thought I would spend the first blog of the new year on something a little different. I thought I would share and mingle some positives thoughts for my life and yours!

I have learned a great deal from the challenges that have come with my C.P. All my life I have had to work doubly hard to get to where I am and to have created a life for myself and those I care about. Every-time, I mastered a new skill, whether it was driving, getting a job, or building this website, my sense of control over my own life was enhanced. “Destiny has a thousand pieces of wrapping paper over it.” I think what Armand Hammer meant by that is that out of struggle and adversity comes a great desire to achieve in every aspect of our lives. It feels me with pride to know how much I, and each one of you has accomplished in our own lives.

The effort myself and all of us have put out in our families, our work, and our spiritual lives pays off in a hundred different ways. A person can only succeed by putting out all that they are. It has allowed me to lite a spark that has been burning for a very long, long time. And this light has developed into a blazing display of contentment, joy and happiness. Knowing and feeling all of your support with me has given me a new sense of dedication. My hope has expanded and has taken on a new meaning. Because without any of you, I am truly nothing!

The disabled community has a special love for each other, a deep connection and link to a kinship which is un-breakable. A bond that will last until eterinty. This connection, which is based on knowing how much we have worked to achieve. These specific challenges may differ, but, we have seen the glory of the light, and, we know first hand how much we need God and each other to bring hope not only to each other, but to the world. As a great American play-write said, “Our task is to rise and continue.”

In everything that we do, we remind ourselves and the world not to take anything for granted. We defy the all to common idea that nothing is worth a long term effort. I have seen a thousand types of struggle: to deal with discrimination, physical and mental pain, and the daily task of cleaning house, taking a shower, caring for my animals and hubby, and finding within, the courage to reject every limitation other people put on myself.

I hope, that reading this blog I have set up and written for all of you, has made your own struggles a little easier and your joy last a little long.

Poor Standards and Self Education

One of the thing I have always struggled with is the argument between the help I felt I needed, and that which “my helpers” were willing to give me. This was particularly true with my education. I have struggled for many years as you have heard me write about because I didn’t receive the help I truly needed. People either got to much or too little of what they “really” needed. Especially today, where there is very little concern for individual learning styles and needs.

Educator are too worried, anxious, and obsessed with target and memorization. Leaving out the most important concepts to build not only skill, and memorization, but self-confidence and self-esteem. Unfortunately, because I was not getting the help I needed, I had to find other sources and ways to thrive, learn, and retain. My educators, had little understanding of my potential.

Later, I had to fight for the right, to learn, and to go to college, to fill all the empty spots I had not learned in twelve years of education in the educational system. What is wrong with this picture? Today, the educational system has not gotten any better. So my dear readers, and friends, we must forge forward, stay motived, and educate ourselves though travel, reading, and conversation. However, there is far more to be learned.

I had learned a great deal from my own experience, and thoughts I worked with while doing adaptive aerobics and Yoga. The journey is not over my friends. Yet I think we are turning a corner. Every time I write on this blog I am learning from you, as you are from me. This computer is the greatest tool for interaction and learning this world has known.

Dignity & Respect

I keep getting Google blog alerts on Learning Disabilities, and I cannot help but think about the honest dignity and respect we truly get as a person or person(s) with a physical disability or a learning disability.

In my opinion, there is truly very little dignity or respect given us! It is condescending and makes one feel less than good about themselves- as they pat you on the head, and throw you a bone, as you are pushed though the system for there benefit. Never once, in my entire life, have I received anything positive or constructive from the social system that I live in. I have had to fight for myself each and every step of the way- and still am today!

I have been pushed and shoved and prodded into programs and workshops which were really beneath my level to succeed as a normal person in society. I have been looked down upon and scrutinized and labeled mentally retarded each and every time I had an educational desire or goal I wanted to accomplish.

I believe, that true dignity and respect is when others truly try to help you more forward in your life or situation. They not only help by guiding you, but they encourage you, and they believe in you! They show you the way and the ropes to attain those desires before it’s too late or before you are middle age or your life is half over!

They advise and inspire you to keep reaching towards your star’s. And they empower your soul by bringing you hope in your heart. They give you a reason and purpose to keep carrying on. They believe in you too, by their warmth and care as they root you on with encouragement each and every step of the way. They motivate you in ways that work for you. Not in ways that work best for them!

Instead of nurturing you and your development and abilities, they negatively tell you that you have “pike dreams”. They don’t have the insight or the compassion that it takes to either stir you on, or to fortify you with positive affirmations to help you attain another accomplishments in your life. Instead, they reticule you in ways that you question yourself and your motives and abilities. One begins to doubt themselves and wonder if they are being honest and true. Their believe in themselves begins to fade away and they begin to sip on the non-truths the system is feeding them.

This system, is not a system of empowerment- It is a system of beating you down, till you cannot rise up from the hole anymore! How shameful! How heinous a crime to be beaten down for someone elses power and greed, so you have little power or say so over your own life and destiny. How deplorable, despicable, and low-down is that? No matter what you say and try to do to defend yourself makes matters even worse!

And that is why I have tirelessly fought my whole, entire life- and still fight for today! It’s that simple dignity and respect that I too can live, and move, and breathe, like everyone else here on this plant. I am not a monster to be stared at- or to be looked down upon, just because I unfortunately had brain damage and got Cerebral Palsy when I was an infant! We who have disabilities want to partake in this simple thing called life, too! It does not matter what degree we can, just as long as we can , and we can have a say-so in our own lives!

This being said,I am convinced that those who have C.P. like myself, with a learning disability, who REaLLY, truly want to go out into the world and be like every one else in society- making a living for themselves- putting food on the table for themselves, and working with joy amongst others, to put their own clothing on their own backs, as they make their own decisions and choice’s, and pay their way throughout life, just like any other normal human being- for their own wants, and, for their own needs and desires- and with their own income; making choices for themselves without government paid programs or watch dog’s watching their every move. We are frowned and looked down at- and we underhandedly are looked at like we are criminals!

We, C.Per’s like this, want to be dependent on ourselves- not others! We want to live normal healthy lives, and co-existence- living in peace and harmony just like everyone else. We are simply not given the help, the chance, or the opportunity- nor are we given the precious right of dignity and respect to do just that!!!! Oh how I would like to see more dignity and respect for all us people with Cerebral Palsy and a learning disability or any disability for that matter.

We must be there for each other! Perhaps if each and every one of us reading this would stand up for themselves, we could change the way people and the world, and the way these professionals treat us and look at us!

People’s Jealousy

Have you ever been in a situation where you were aware that people were threatened by your action’s, words, thoughts, and deeds? How did you react or respond to them? How did their subtle behavior make you feel? When people or co-worker’s did that to me, it made me feel terrible! It made me question myself, and it made me feel very upset because I knew I had no motives but to do my job as accurately as I could,( which was pretty darn good) and, do my best. Perhaps my best was better then their best- so they felt threatened!

Many a times, throughout my lifetime, I have been around people who were completely threatened by me, my giving attitude and nature, and my ability to work hard, be accurate, and to stay truthful, honest, and loyal to the company, as well as get my job done.

I guess my one hand was faster then there’s! I guess I did everything with my heart, and they could not handle it. If one is not strong enough to handle jealousy, it can be a big deterrent towards working with others successfully. It requires learning to not let other peoples looks, and behavior’s towards you get to you. And that is a skill all of its own- especially if you are disabled.

We are very sensitive, loving, caring, human beings that do not think about maliciously hurting others while working. We just want to fit in! We want to feel like others! We want to feel as though we have a meaning and purpose in this world, and a place to go to and be constructive. We think more about how we can do our job, and get it done. We are not petty, subtle, and contrived. We do not think of how we can hurt or harm others to get ahead in the process.

Some how, experience after experience, living life the best and the fullest we can, we begin to develop a thick enough layer of skin to not let what others say effect us or our ability to work happily and productively. We learn or try to learn one experience at a time to not let people’s jealousy get in the way of our usefulness.

Some times are easier then others… And sometimes, they are very difficult! Sometimes its like taking one step forward and 5 steps back. Sometimes we think we are not learning and growing, yet we are. We just don’t see it or recognize it! Its all in the way we look at others, learn to interact with other’s, and how we choose to deal with other people’s emotions.

If we all learned to work together, in harmony, and learn to share our feelings constructively, without competition in the for-ground; as our main goal and focus… and learn to support and help each other’s in our endeavors, I don’t think we would feel the feeling which we do. I think then we could all learn to live together, get along with each other, and get ahead and not be resentful or jealous.

Open to Learn

Ever since I can remember, no matter how difficult the challenge of learning was for me, I went the distance. Despite my Cerebral Palsy and Dyslexia, and despite being able to write my girlfriends last name instead of my own in first grade, I stayed the course. I remember not being able to sleep at night. I remember worrying my little head off, and thinking and staying up all hours of the night tossing and turning. I remember my mother buying me a pink, Zenith, clock radio so that it would help lull me to sleep! Do you think it helped?

Sometimes! But most nights, I wound up turning the dial for another hour or two of clasical music instead of falling fast asleep by 7:40p.m. I was up until 10 or 11 at night. I can remember rolling over in bed- to and fro, in constant movement and anguish. My mind was never quiet or still. It was always in deep, deep thought. Many a nights I can remember tossing from side to side thinking…”How am I ever going to remember this stuff!” “How am I ever going to remember these words for my spelling test tomorrow…” But some how I did. Somehow, I got through- Maybe it was mind over matter. Maybe I did not realize the power of my word!

And for sure, I did not realize how deeply rooted and seeded my will to succeed was! I really never realize the power of my thought. The power of my intension’s. Nor, did I realize how determined I really was! All I knew was that some how I was going to make it- Some how I knew I HAD TO MAKE IT!

Some how, some way, I found myself trying to overcome and compensate for the barriers I faced. I tried to recognize and counter act what was happening to me. I tried to retain, and I tried to make up and neutralize the blocks and barriers I had. All I wanted was to be able to learn like the other children I went to school with; who pick up the material they were learning with ease. I did not want to be made fun of, nor did I want my school work ripped up by bullies.

My learning never came with that ease for me. It was always hard, difficult, and relentless! It didn’t feel like I was, learning a thing- but I guess I did- I was alway open to a new way of learning and new ways to listen or finding new technique’s or method’s that would help allow me to learn like others.

I was open to listening, to find a better way, and I was open toward a solution to this learning problem I had. I was open to someone who could really help me. I guess because of my open- mind, and receptive attitude, it came to pass. And I am so very grateful I did. Because I think…”Where would I be today if I was not!”

Being Different and Unique

Having Cerebral Palsy and a learning disability has taught me many lesson’s in life. It has taught me to be grateful. It has taught me Patience’s, and the capacity to handle delay, trouble, and for the most part not suffer or feel angry or upset at situations or experiences that have occurred in my life.

Yes, I have felt anger at moments. However, I found constructive ways to deal with my anger and disappointments. I learned to grow from these hurts and sadness. I found ways to compensate for my hurt feelings, my hopes, and my non-fulfillments. I found ways to ease that hurt and pain and learned to make and accept the best of it all. I learned to bounce back and go beyond, too!

I learned that all these experience’s made me a better person and human being. These experiences taught me to feel very grateful for who I am and what all I have been through and accomplished in my life time. Not to say that it has been easy- because it hasn’t! But I have learned to ride the roller-coaster and take the bumps! And, I have learned to count my blessing, give to other’s what I have learned, and I have risen above what “other people” thought of me.

Being different and unique has shown and taught me how beautiful a person I really am. And, it has made me real aware of how unique I am! Being different, and unique, while having Cerebral Palsy is really and truly a gift! These uniqueness have left an indelible mark within my being. It has not only nourished me to be me. But It has nourished me to be the best person I could become, and has made me continually reach for my goals and dreams! It has brought out the kind, compassionate and giving part of me and my nature and made me different than the norm. It has enabled me to fight for whatever I thought was really right in my world,in my thoughts, and idea’s and desires. It has made me a better human being in all areas of my life.

No matter what the feelings are, I will continue to be and stay the unique and different person that I am…