Overcoming the Illusions of Choice

How many times have you heard, “You can’t complete your education because it’s an insult to other physically disabled people!”

“You can’t teach dance because you have cerebral palsy!”

“You have scattered thoughts, so why are you going to college! You know you’ll never succeed!”

In all these scenarios someone else always has the upper hand. But our lives are at stake. The experts always say we have a choice, but do we? Often the choice is between two options that we didn’t have a say-so in selecting. The experts have framed the discussion to limit our options. This is a trap to keep us right where we’re at! They try to take every ounce of our goodness and dignity away from us by belittling us and by causing us to doubt ourselves. It seems like all we do is struggle, bargain, plead, and negotiate for the simple right to live like other human beings. Why should it be like that? When are we humans ever going to learn to treat people humanely?

I have every right to live my life as I see fit. I have choices waiting for me as people acknowledge my gifts and talents. My gifts and talents are my uniqueness. They are my light, which I choose to shine down upon this earth.

Establishing Ourselves as Communicators

It is often said that individuals with cerebral palsy have trouble communicating what we feel. It is said that we have scattered thoughts, but that is because we have interests in many areas of life. It is also said that we are unrealistic about our career prospects, so we should go on Social Security for the rest of our lives. The system cannot understand the urgency of our lives and our goals. It wants to label us in any way it can.

The organizations that are supposed to help us, and the people who work for them, cannot hear what we are trying to say. The more we communicate with them, the more they shut down, deny, and declare ways to defeat us. They think of every possible way to hold us back from living our lives.

So how do you rise above when someone shuts you up?

I do not take what other people say personally. I am free of all criticism, critique, and critical analysis. I am a great communicator and get my thoughts across clearly and succinctly. I believe in myself. I have faith in my words and what I say. I move forward, despite what others have to say, and I leave a positive impact on their lives.

Learned Consciousness

Many times in our lives, we’ve been taught to feel despair, whether we have cerebral palsy or not. Time and again, we feel the lack of hope because people in our lives make us feel incompetent and less than. That is when fear sets in. We begin to discount ourselves. We feel as though our keepers have power over us. They know exactly how and when to push our buttons. They know exactly how to threaten and intimidate us. They know exactly how to make us quiet.

We try to separate ourselves from our learned hopelessness and helplessness, but it takes over anyway. We freeze. We’re afraid to speak up for ourselves. We become powerless. Subsequently, we avoid all such situations regardless of cost.

The only way to overcome this paralysis is to open our minds. Be willing to take on your life situations, look them in the mirror and let them go. Listen to your inner voice that will lead you to safety. The answers are within each and every one of us.

I have the power to move through this. I have hope and faith in myself. I can conquer anything. I speak with a convincing strength that saturates my goodness.

How do you Become Your Best

As a person with Cerebral Palsy how do you become your best? Are you practicing different versions of yourself by giving different renderings? This can become mangled. Your statements will become partially true; mingled with falsehoods. You’ll forget what you said and where you said it. People will begin to see through you and judge you.

Is this what you want for yourself? Is this what you want people to know and remember you by?

Or, would you rather be your best so that you can connect with others and lead by example.

If you’d like the latter, it means not always being perfect. It means doing your most excellent job. It means giving it your all. It means taking risks and perhaps even being afraid at times. It means being responsible for yourself, your thoughts, and your actions.

Can you handle being authentic and genuine? Can you handle being a blessing to yourself and others? Can you turn your fears into faith? Each and every act you perform will be a step in the right direction.

Your Reality

As a person with or without Cerebral Palsy I’m sure you have worked hard to become the best person you can be today. You’ve learned, build your aptitude, been loyal to your friends, family, and neighbors; and worked hard to execute and carry out your dreams and desires.

But what happens if, with all this work, you can’t build your own tribe. You can’t share or educate the public, or match the views so many of us have with the world; to bring a good change about? You can’t build a life for yourself? You can’t do for yourself what you want to accomplish? What happens then? Do you become depended? Do you withdraw and shy away from society? Or do you lash out with a verbal or physical attack hurting others and then having to pay for that action.

Have you allowed someone else to think that they know better than you? Have you allowed them to be a critic, take over, and give a review like Roger Ebert the movie critic because you were afraid, easily swayed and could not stand up for yourself? Do you allow others to control and manipulated you emotionally because you aren’t strong enough to speak up for yourself? Do you allow other people to get in the way of your usefulness? Do you allow other people to influence you and cause you to change your mind and opinion due to their beliefs?

If so, it is up to you, and you alone to change this. It is up to you to be responsible. It is up to you to change your feelings, thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. And, it is up to you, and you alone, to be a positive person in society and to change your life for the better.

Choose your words, your thoughts, and your beliefs carefully because they will become your reality.

Ways to be Kind and Honest

Too often, as disabled people with Cerebral Palsy, we forget how much our lives interact with others. While we may be sizzling at what someone else has said or done, there are two ways to look at, and deal with, the situation. We can use these experiences as a building block to our benefit to be positive. From this, we learn not only from our experiences, but we learn how to be kind, honest, and build healthy barriers between us and others.

Building trust is very important. We can say things sarcastically, creating more anger, and more tension which will make the other person more defensive; or, we can create mutual respect and build bridges, which lead to friendship, open-mindedness and flexibility.

The more we practice these behaviors the more they become second nature to us. They help build our ability to interact with others. It is our choice.

Is This Your Best

Every day you wake up is an opportunity to do your best. Sometimes, as a disabled person or not it’s hard to figure that out. Other times it could be very difficult because there are all kinds of people in this world with all kinds of personalities.

In today’s lingo, people are referred to as tribes, with their own set of rules and regulations. If you click all is well, but if you have another way of doing things, some people can’t handle it. The real issue gets lost in a battle to force a person to do things in a way that pleases’ the (group) or tribe. Like Roark would say in “The Fountainhead” “I do not recognize anyone’s right to one moment of my life.”

Each person with Cerebral Palsy or not, must determine what they believe and what they are capable of.

Selling Yourself, Selling Your Story

It is very easy as a disabled person to have a vague set of ideas for what you want to accomplish. For all of us, it is more practical to find a reason for why we do the things we do, and why we say the things we say. Any achievement that one accomplishes requires risk-taking, it requires drive, and it requires self- motivation.

It is safe and fun and easy just to do any ol’ little thing our sweet little heart desires. Still another, to feel the comfort of the moment. But it is a whole other story to get up off your buttocks and take action. It is a whole other story to make your life happen. Including taking responsibility for yourself without blaming others.

Life will not always be a bowl of cherries. There will be times where and when we have to say things we rather not, set boundaries, and be strong enough to take rejection when rejection comes and not be liked by others. Life will teach you how to be true to yourself.

What’s Important to You, Might Not be Important to Others

From the moment we wake up in the morning, till the moment we shut our eyes in slumber at night, we as people with Cerebral Palsy are filled with activity daily. Some of which is mandatory, while others come from our own desires. How do we discern which is important, and which is not? What may be urgent for you may not be for your parents, or caregiver, or somebody else.

We try to help those around us as well as keeping our own lives in order and in tack. But the truth is, that it is constant and ever evolving. It never stops! Sometimes it’s merely that other people in our lives speak louder, are more aggressive, and insist on their needs being more important than yours.

Wondering What Others Say and Think

How often do you sit as a disabled person or able-bodied person, wondering what other are saying and thinking. Did I answer their question correctly! Did I say the right thing at the right time? Will they accept me for who I am? All of these insecurities come from not feeling self-assured or confident in your own being. A lot of our time is spent worrying about what others will say and do.

It is up to us to change our thoughts. It is up to us to elevate our reactions to people, places, and things. It is up to us to change our attitudes about ourselves.

The only way to rise above this is to snatch it by the hands, accept it, and better yourself from what you just heard and learned.