The Healing Horse, Ch. 7, Scene 15: Karen Wastes Away

The story continues darkly, but even in the depths of her weakening, and even though she knows the doctors cannot cure her, little Karen knows in her heart that she can cure herself.

Scene 15: Karen Wastes Away

As the week passed, Karen became too infirm to walk without the crutch. Her mother left Kitten’s favorite foods on the bedside table—warm rice with butter melting on it, greenish yellow bananas, toasted rye or Challah bread, or Kitten’s favorite—a poppy-seed bagel with an eighth of an inch of lox and a quarter inch of cream cheese—but Karen did not eat.

Karen tried reading and watching TV to pass the time, but her mind refused these distractions. She was completely focused on Pegasus and on her own failing strength. Yet, even though the situation appeared grim and hopeless to her, she knew deep inside that this was only a passing appearance—an illusion. Eventually she would see the truth. A feeling grew in her heart that the problem with her legs was not medical. The doctors could not cure her. She would have to cure herself. She would have to rescue Pegasus, too, but she could not see how she could do either, not yet.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 7, Scene 14: Mama Takes Action

The story looks like it is about to turn a corner and become more hopeful, but do not be fooled. Medical help is not what little Kitten needs.

Scene 14: Mama Takes Action

The next morning Mama set up appointments with several specialists. Kitten and Mama began a round of visits to medical offices. None of the doctors had an explanation or a cure. They could not find anything new wrong. One prescribed a crutch and exercise. Another suggested bed rest. None enquired about her emotional state or the conditions of her life. For the entire week, Karen didn’t leave her house except to go to the doctors.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 13: Karen Tells Mama She Needs Help

Karen continues her descent into weakness and negativity. In this scene, she turns to her mother for help. Soon the story will take a turn for the better, but not yet.

Scene 13: Karen Tells Mama She Needs Help

After a week of fruitless effort, Karen knew she desperately needed help. She talked to her mother.

“Mama, something is wrong with me. My legs have gotten weak, so weak I can barely walk. I need help. I tried keeping this a secret because I didn’t want you to worry, but I can’t do it anymore! I can’t!”

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 12: Karen Slips Into Negative Thinking

Little Karen keeps up her spirits and her iron determination, but a the days pass without any improvement, her thoughts become negative. She tries to hide her suffering from the two beings who have the power to alleviate it.

Scene 12: Karen Slips Into Negative Thinking

As the days passed, she found she could not walk all the way to the pier. Defeated by fatigue and grief, every day she covered less ground than the day before. By the next weekend, she had lost all the strength and endurance she had gained during her months of reading about carousels and visiting Pegasus. She could barely drag herself through the school day before collapsing at home.

Alone in her room, she vowed never to let Mama or Pegasus know how bad she felt.

What’s wrong with me? I never used to be this weak or frail. I can’t let on to Mama that something is wrong. She’ll be upset, and this will just add to her problems. I can’t let her know! I have to do my best to cover this up. I have to pretend. I won’t give Mama even one chance to see that I’m struggling. I can’t let Pegasus find out, either! It will take away his hope and belief in me. He has enough to worry about. He has to keep believing that one day we’ll be together again. If he finds out that the brace on my leg feels heavier and heavier, it will kill him. It will stop him from trying to free himself. It will take away the little breath he now breathes! I can’t let him down. I can’t!

She knew that she and Pegasus needed each other more than ever. Their lives had gone deeply wrong with the destruction of the carousel. They needed each other’s support and strength and were famished from lack of each other’s nourishing presence.

Karen’s iron determination to be strong did not fail, even as she sank deeper into sorrow. For the next week, she disciplined herself to perform and perfect the exercises she had learned from her physical therapist. She adapted and applied the training program to improve her bone and muscle strength. She forced herself to walk as far as she could, no matter how tired or weak she felt.

Like an Olympian, she practiced visualization to focus the power of her mind on breaking through this challenge of healing her body. Vigilantly, she visualized to actualize her healing process.

Inwardly compelled, she determined that she would regain and realize her highest potential. Drawing from her inner strength, she asked her infinite self to achieve her intention. With her mental, emotional and physical goals in place, she never gave in or gave up hope for herself and for her dashing, lavender stallion.

Yet, she grew weaker.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 11: Kitten’s Grief Saps Her Strength

This scene continues the dark journey of little Karen as she suffers from the absence of Pegasus and his magic from her life.

Scene 11: Kitten’s Grief Saps Her Strength

Every day, Karen made her best effort to visit Pegasus, and every day she found it harder to walk, harder to bend her aching knees, and harder to carry on with her life, much less trudge the long blocks to the pier.

In an agonizing downward spiral, she pictured the fearsome tunnel. In her mind, she stood at one end and cried out to him. She tried to walk to him, but in her imagination the paralysis had spread throughout her body.

Even though she knew that her beloved Pegasus was not really inside the ghostly tunnel she had imagined, she knew he was most assuredly in the wreckage of the carousel with the other abandoned horses.

But what could she do? The stress and strain weighed heavily on her body and spirit. Every day, the trauma stripped away more of her strength. She was sick with sorrow. The absence of Pegasus’ vitalizing animation eroded her energy. Her muscles weakened and deteriorated.

Spiraling downward, the real environment of the demolished carousel arose in her memory. The ruined weariness of it all! Grief filled her heart. The thought of Pegasus trapped in such circumstances made her more than sad. It possessed her with deep, demonic pain.

She felt herself dissolve in grief and mourning. She questioned her recently acquired pride and sense of empowerment as a young girl with disabilities. Where would she find the strength and wisdom to save Pegasus and herself?

She endured, but enduring took all of her energy and all of her will. Her once-cheerful, positive personality became a distant memory. Karen’s dear friend had been snatched from her and was suffering in a dark limbo.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 10: Karen Walks Home, Her Mind Spinning

The story grows darker, as scene by scene, Karen trudges through despair toward new happiness. If she ever gave up, then that would end the story. But she did not give up.

Scene 10: Karen Walks Home, Her Mind Spinning

Karen turned and departed the pier, thinking of ways to release her stallion and all the other horses. With heavy steps, she dragged herself through the now-wearisome streets, trudging through her once-happy neighborhood, absorbed in apprehension and sorrow. Dizzy and feverish, she tried to come up with a solution. She wracked her brain, but came up clueless. She tried to be calm and composed, but her heart was racing and breaking. She tried to approach this situation in a level-headed manner, but she was unable to gain any sense of equilibrium. In a vicious cycle, Kitten tried reasoning and rationalizing, hoping against hope to gain some kind of tranquility, yet she became even more nervous and panicky. This dreadful cycle continued.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 09: Kitten Sees Pegasus in a Receding Tunnel

The story grows darker as little Karen faces the possibility that Pegasus may never again come alive for her. But don’t worry! She gets through it before the chapter ends.

Scene 09: Kitten Sees Pegasus in a Receding Tunnel

When Karen arrived at the hippodrome, she saw that it was fenced off. It was empty and noiseless. It was filled with a silence that the calliope had always kept hidden. The loudness of that silence deafened her, in contrast to the happy sounds of the Sunday crowd that surrounded her. The void and the emptiness overwhelmed her. She felt exposed and open to her darkest fears. Wounded in mind, body, and soul she had to sit down. She collapsed onto a nearby bench.

This is not the same, anymore. Something has to be done to save Pegasus and the other horses. I know they are only wooden, but Pegasus has a soul and is alive in his own way. I have to help them, somehow! I have to do something! I have to at least try!

Forcing herself to her feet, she squeezed through a gap in the fence and pushed against the hippodrome door. It did not move. She pulled the handle with all her strength, but it would not budge. Leaning against the window, she strained her eyes peering into the gloom within. There, in the distance, was Pegasus, carelessly tossed atop a pile of wooden horses.

She felt her sadness lift for a moment as she saw him, but then the scene seemed to change. The interior of the hippodrome became a mysterious tunnel. Shadows from the darkened area around him washed over Pegasus, almost burying him in a hazy, obscure half-light. Cognizant that her anxious imagination had taken over her perception, she watched as he and the others became smaller and smaller in the perspective of the tunnel.

Leaning her weak left shoulder against the glass, she waved with her strong right hand.

“Pegasus! Oh, Pegasus! Psst! Can you hear me? Can you hear me calling you? It’s me, Karen, your Kitten. Say something to me if you can, please!”

He did not answer her. He was as quiet and as motionless as the merry-go-round that his soul had left behind.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 08: Karen Feels Gratitude as She Walks

Even as a child, Karen appreciated her mother’s generosity, not only with her money and her love, but with her efforts to help her grow up strong and able to care for herself.

Scene 08: Karen Feels Gratitude as She Walks

For Mama the dollar was no hardship, and Karen knew this. As she walked, she imagined how Mama managed her money like magic, and how it materialized when she needed it. Karen knew that the dollar symbolized the importance of Pegasus not only to Karen but to her mother. It showed that Mama understood how vital Pegasus was to Karen’s growth, and that she supported her daughter’s mission to rescue Pegasus.

Despite her deep sadness, she was enormously grateful for both her mother’s and for Pegasus’ love. Both were deep and indestructible. She felt the same towards them, but the question remained: What can I do about Pegasus?

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 07: Mama Silently Follows

Throughout the book, I tried to work in scenes that show how other people see little Karen, so it is not written entirely from her point of view. In this one, we get a glimpse of her mother’s commitment to her. No matter what happens, she will try to balance her child’s need to grow up into a strong woman with her little girl’s need for someone to watch over her.

Scene 07: Mama Silently Follows

Mama put down the knife she had used to cut the lox. Gathering the salmon and cream cheese, she set the still-open containers on the top shelf of the fridge, along with the bagel she had spread. The others could wait on the counter. She had to catch up with her Kitten.

What if she collapses and cracks her head open on the sidewalk? What if she faints? She will be furious if she turns around and sees me, but I just can’t let her go alone. I will stay with her, even if she walks to the pier every day.

The Healing Horse, Ch 7, Scene 06: Skipping Breakfast

This scene transitions from a night of no sleep to a day of disappointment, as little Karen prepares to return to the hippodrome to check on her beloved Pegasus, and her Mama tries to prepare her.

Scene 06: Skipping Breakfast

Mama had schmeared a bagel with cream cheese and was slicing the lox very thin, the way her Krana Layala liked it, when her girl walked into the kitchen. In spite of the cheerful pink overalls and brave smile, the pallor of her little face and the dark circles around her eyes told the story of her night.

“Morning, Mama. Thank you for thinking of my favorite breakfast, but I’m not too hungry, today. If it’s all right with you, I’ll just drink some orange juice. Maybe we can share a special breakfast, tomorrow. We can get up early, so you can still make it to work on time. Right now, I need to go to the pier and look for Pegasus. Okay?”

Oh, no! She needs a good breakfast, but I don’t want to argue with her, now. She’s so weak. I’ll go along to keep the peace. Maybe I can help her a bit so she can get a bite when she’s ready to eat. This child is going to need every bit of strength she can gather.

“Here’s some juice, sweetheart. Let me get you something to take with you, just in case you need it, later.”

Mama handed her girl a tall glass and hurried to the hallway, where she had left her purse. Returning with a dollar, she gave it to Karen who tucked the money into her lucky overalls, gulped down the juice, and kissed her goodbye.

“Thanks, Mama. See you later,” her beautiful daughter called softly, as she left through the side door and disappeared up the garden path toward the front sidewalk.