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The Healing Horse, Chapter 3, Scene 5: Spring Arrives. K Develops Internally but Struggles Externally

As a child, I worked hard on myself. I consciously strove to development my independence, even though I often felt lonely. I knew I would have challenges in every area of life, but I did not let fear of them stand in my way. I was determined to make my outer life as rich as my inner world.

Scene 5: Spring Arrives. K Develops Internally but Struggles Externally

May had sprung, and these dreamy thoughts promised new hope for Karen. As she became more secure in her own being, she took her first steps into the larger world that her development opened to her, a world of acquired independence, interdependence, self-determination, and courage, a world in which Karen would follow and develop her own instincts.

While her internal world was expanding, she still had difficulty with the outside world. Though she managed most activities, her right side did the work, as she could not do everything like other children. Her right arm was strong like a lion; her left, as weak as the kitten she was named for. She walked with a syncopated beat and a rhythmic pattern to compensate for her tendency to drag her left toes. She learned to bend her left knee and to pick up her leg, but sometimes her left foot would still drag. The strength of her right leg could not mute the clank of the steel brace she wore on her left.

As her abilities grew, so did her expectations of herself and her drive to succeed. Reading, homework, and everything else took more time and effort than they did for other children, but rather than letting herself feel discouraged, she resolved to devote every waking moment to becoming the best person she could be.

Karen knew that there would be struggles and challenges in every area of her life. This insight prompted her to seek support wherever she could find it. More and more, she was growing to be an advocate like her mother. So, too, was Mama becoming a better advocate.

Being shy and timid did not help. Her lack of confidence kept her to herself more than she wanted. A quiet child with few friends, she went to a nearby elementary school playground for fun, and usually played alone. Her outward appearance was always bubbly and cheerful, and she never let anyone know her inner loneliness. She quietly kept these emotions to herself.

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirational #loneliness

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

The Healing Horse, Chapter 3, Scene 4: K Reads About Carousels and Gigi, and Then Wonders What It Would Be Like To Visit the Pier.

Horses began to fascinate me, in real life, so I studied them and researched where I could ride one. In the story, we are getting close to where the magic begins. 

Scene 4: K Reads About Carousels and Gigi, and Then Wonders What It Would Be Like To Visit the Pier.

After months of delicious reading, Karen realized that her favorite topics were horses and amusement parks, especially amusement parks with carousels. She read everything she could about them. She went to the reference desk at the public library on Robertson and asked the librarian to help her find information on the Santa Monica Pier and on Griffith Park. She learned that the pier had opened in 1909 after sixteen months of construction. The pier’s art deco hippodrome housed the carousel. That was only one part of the pier, but it was her favorite part to read about. It was Santa Monica’s first historic landmark. Griffith Park, in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles, had been donated by Col. Griffith J. Griffith even earlier, in 1896. He had donated over 3,015 acres of land to the city of Los Angeles. Both places had world-famous carousels.

Her favorite book was Gigi: The Story of a Merry-Go-Round Horse by Elizabeth Foster. She imagined a stunning Thoroughbred carrying her wherever her heart desired. She dreamt of becoming not only the best reader, but the best rider she could be. She would not be afraid to reach for the gold ring. She would not let her fear of falling stop her. She knew in her heart that if she could get to the carousel and up onto a horse, then she could reach all her other goals.
In her mind, she watched the handsome horses prance and whirl around her imagined carousel. Though nervous about going to a real amusement park, she knew that in time she would realize her vision, and that time was becoming her friend. To someone else, going to a carousel might seem trivial, but not to Kitten. She knew that, for her, it would not be easy, but she also knew that she would persevere. Many people believed Kitten’s partially paralyzed body was incapable of riding a horse, but Mama and Karen did not go along with such a barrier philosophy.

“What if I went to the amusement park and met the horse I dream of?” she whispered to herself, as she held a book in her tiny hands and gazed up at the stacks in the middle of the seemingly boundless library.

#cerebralpalsy #inspirationalwriting #carousels

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

The Healing Horse, Ch 3, Scene 3: Karen’s Reading Routine And A Trip To The Library

For me, the years between ages ten and twelve were when I immersed myself in story and imagination. The books I read inspired me to attempt things that my doctors thought I would never do. The inspiration empowered me. And I began to do those things, including the all-important walk to Pacific Ocean Park, where I met my mentor.

The Healing Horse, Ch 3, Scene 3: Karen’s Reading Routine And A Trip To The Library

By age twelve, Karen had become more comfortable with herself as she was. Her school lessons and her life became easier for her. Nevertheless, Kitten sometimes found herself gazing deeply into the heavens of her own heart, escaping from her present. These daydreams, like her slumbering dreams, had a strength and benevolence that captured colorful images, which would eventually paint the picture of her whole life.

After having listened to so many fanciful stories, she now let her imagination light up her curiosity. Using her rapidly developing ability to read, she wrapped herself in books of wonder, sometimes creating sequels in her own mind.

At least once a week, she had Mama take her to the library. As she rode in Mama’s blue 1952 Chevrolet Styleline Deluxe, she felt especially elegant. Mama had learned to drive and had bought the car specifically so they would not have to ride the city buses. Kitten knew that taking her on the bus was a hardship for Mama, since her brace made climbing up and down the steps impossible, and Mama had to lift her.

Upon returning home, she rushed into her bedroom to take off her shoes and favorite pink overalls and to put on her robe and cuddly slippers. Propping herself up with pillows, she opened her book and allowed a sense of surprise to transport her to fascinating and mystic places that captivated her heart. The more self-assured Karen became with reading, the more she engaged in the basics of learning, such as sounding out new words, looking them up in the dictionary and improving her spelling, which accelerated her reading competence. With growing childhood expertise, Kitten read more stories on her own. She practiced reading every chance she had.

It was an impressionable, informative and revealing time for Karen; a time to grow, to learn, and to experience life; to expand her thought processes, and to illuminate her mind with knowledge as she built her world through the books she read. It was also a time to be a child, free from care and worry.

She was ten years old when she began reading the carousel books. The spring air was cool, crisp and comfortable. It was a time of peace and tranquility. It was a time when she found herself enwrapped and enveloped in the protective, comforting retreat that the books she loved gave her. These books were her compass and her inspiration. They embraced her, enfolded her, and encircled her with a richness that gave her both an imaginative inner life and a direction in her outer life. It was a time when she allowed herself to master her dreams. The effects of reading gave her the courage to keep seeking. She would glance out of her window occasionally, gain strength from the earth’s presence, picture herself climbing onto her horse’s back, and riding toward her dreams.

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirationalwriting #reading

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

 

The Healing Horse, Ch 3, Scene 3: Karen’s Reading Routine And A Trip To The Library

For me, the years between ages ten and twelve were when I immersed myself in story and imagination. The books I read inspired me to attempt things that my doctors thought I would never do. The inspiration empowered me. And I began to do those things, including the all-important walk to Pacific Ocean Park, where I met my mentor.

Scene 3: Karen’s Reading Routine And A Trip To The Library

By age twelve, Karen had become more comfortable with herself as she was. Her school lessons and her life became easier for her. Nevertheless, Kitten sometimes found herself gazing deeply into the heavens of her own heart, escaping from her present. These daydreams, like her slumbering dreams, had a strength and benevolence that captured colorful images, which would eventually paint the picture of her whole life.

After having listened to so many fanciful stories, she now let her imagination light up her curiosity. Using her rapidly developing ability to read, she wrapped herself in books of wonder, sometimes creating sequels in her own mind.

At least once a week, she had Mama take her to the library. As she rode in Mama’s blue 1952 Chevrolet Styleline Deluxe, she felt especially elegant. Mama had learned to drive and had bought the car specifically so they would not have to ride the city buses. Kitten knew that taking her on the bus was a hardship for Mama, since her brace made climbing up and down the steps impossible, and Mama had to lift her.

Upon returning home, she rushed into her bedroom to take off her shoes and favorite pink overalls and to put on her robe and cuddly slippers. Propping herself up with pillows, she opened her book and allowed a sense of surprise to transport her to fascinating and mystic places that captivated her heart. The more self-assured Karen became with reading, the more she engaged in the basics of learning, such as sounding out new words, looking them up in the dictionary and improving her spelling, which accelerated her reading competence. With growing childhood expertise, Kitten read more stories on her own. She practiced reading every chance she had.

It was an impressionable, informative and revealing time for Karen; a time to grow, to learn, and to experience life; to expand her thought processes, and to illuminate her mind with knowledge as she built her world through the books she read. It was also a time to be a child, free from care and worry.

She was ten years old when she began reading the carousel books. The spring air was cool, crisp and comfortable. It was a time of peace and tranquility. It was a time when she found herself enwrapped and enveloped in the protective, comforting retreat that the books she loved gave her. These books were her compass and her inspiration. They embraced her, enfolded her, and encircled her with a richness that gave her both an imaginative inner life and a direction in her outer life. It was a time when she allowed herself to master her dreams. The effects of reading gave her the courage to keep seeking. She would glance out of her window occasionally, gain strength from the earth’s presence, picture herself climbing onto her horse’s back, and riding toward her dreams.

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirationalwriting #reading

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

The Healing Horse, Ch 3, Scene 2: Karen longs to be smart and discovers ways to learn

The magical feelings I got when my Mama read stories to me eventually turned into a new-found ability to understand and recall academic material at school. The power of imagination and the magic of story opened a new world for me. 

Ch 3, Scene 2: Karen longs to be smart and discovers ways to learn

Karen longed to be smart. She wanted to learn like other children, and she wanted to read as easily and as effortlessly as she breathed. She wanted this for herself more than anything else in the world. During her tenth year, the words from her school lessons began to live with her just as the bedtime vocabulary did. She not only recalled all the new words she had heard in school, but she lay in bed repeating those words, until she fell into a deep sleep. During this precious slumber, everything sank dreamily into her powerful subconscious.

The more she listened to her inner voice, the more she grasped her school subjects. In time, new words flowed into her speech without effort. Her academic vocabulary expanded, and she retained most of what her teachers taught in class.

She discovered her own special ways to help herself learn and recall. She repeated names in her mind, right after the teacher said them. She took notes and tried to visualize what the teacher had said; however, this did not work like magic for her because she could not see pictures and numbers clearly in her mind’s eye. Kitten did not have a photographic memory. She was not a quiz show contestant, although she and Mama loved watching The Price is Right, I’ve Got a Secret, and To Tell the Truth. Learning was hard work, but she did it gladly.

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirationalwriting #reading

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

 

The Healing Horse, Ch 3: Her Developing Imagination Thrives on Horse Stories and Leads Her to Its Manifestation

In this chapter, the tension begins to build as Mama pushes me to go out into the world, where I will soon meet my mentor. In this first scene, I introduce my friend Tammy (not her real name), who had much more severe CP than I did. I was happy to find someone I could really help, and her determination inspired me to see my own challenges as gifts.

Scene 1: Tammy Struggles, too.

As the primary school years passed, Karen found she was far from alone in her learning troubles. For their own reasons, her classmates also struggled with academics.

Her friend Tammy needed someone to turn the pages of her book when she read, and someone to write answers for her when she took a test. She could not hold a book, nor a pen. Karen was thrilled as she helped her friend, whose CP was much more severe than her own. Her friend Tammy’s struggles reinforced her own will to never give up, nor to flee from any challenge. She resolved to tackle everything head-on. She knew that her own challenges were gifts, and that she had been given each one for a specific reason.

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirational #friendship

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

The Healing Horse, Ch 2, Sc 7: Mama Reflects

Mama saw that I had more ability than the school experts thought, and that my learning disability did not make me less intelligent than anyone else. It made learning from text hard. It did not make thinking hard. Her belief in me empowered me. Her example as an advocate taught me to become an advocate for myself, and then for others.

Scene 7: Mama Reflects

In the kitchen, Mama filled a bowl with ice cream before reclining in her easy chair in front of the television.

Karen is trying hard, now, with her schoolwork and sense of self. It shows in her actions. I just wish it weren’t so tough for her. I am not going to let her struggle needlessly or be put aside because of her cerebral palsy or her learning disability. She is a smart girl, more intelligent than what the school experts think, and the world needs to know this.

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirationalwriting #experts

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

The Healing Horse, Ch 2, Sc 6: Mama reads aloud and develops Karen’s imagination

I continued to struggle with reading, but then something magical happened. Even though the school books remained impervious to my mind, the story books opened for me and led me onto the magic path to learning.

Scene 6: Mama reads aloud and develops Karen’s imagination

In spite of the difficulty she had doing the homework she brought home from school, Karen loved stories and she loved books.

Every evening, Karen readied herself for bed by putting on her favorite lavender pajamas. This was her favorite time of day. Curled on the couch, she gazed lovingly up at her mother, anticipating the evening’s bedtime story.

As Mama read aloud, Karen’s imagination transported her into the wizardly world of make-believe. Page after delicious page, she became involved in the beloved bedtime stories as if she were living in them. The stories were magic.

After reading, Mama carried Karen to bed. She tucked her in and read a few coming attractions from the next story. Mama kissed her goodnight and turned out the light, leaving Kitten lying in bed, visualizing what she had heard. The transformative vocabulary of the bedtime stories never vanished the way schoolwork vocabulary did.

I loved the story Mama read about horses tonight. I wish I could make friends with a horse like that, a friend I could tell my feelings to and trust.

Her remembered visions tumbled into beautiful dreams, but with daybreak, the rough difficulties of life always returned.

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirational #reading

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

The Healing Horse Ch 2, Sc 5: Lipstick

Mama knew that if she had to do my homework for me, or coach me through every step of it, then it was not teaching me anything but dependence. Typically, when she finally exploded, she directed her frustration at its cause—my teacher giving me homework that I could not do—not at me.

Scene 5: Lipstick

Night after night, Mama coached Karen through her academic struggles. One night, her heart aching as Karen agonized over homework, Mama picked up the closest writing tool near her, which was her red lipstick, and slashed across Kitten’s paper:

“Give Karen homework she can do by herself!”

Karen gasped, stunned with shame and humiliation.

Mama said, “Krana Layala, I’m not doing this to hurt you. I’m doing this so your teachers will know you’re having problems. This way, they can help you. It’s important that you learn to do your homework on your own, and that you feel good about yourself and about doing it. Giving you homework you can’t do, or that makes you feel bad isn’t helping. They need to modify your homework so that it works for you.”

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirational #homework

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

The Healing Horse, Ch 2, Scene 4: Testing

My Mama understood my situation far better than most parents would have in the 1950s. She insisted that I be tested, and sure enough I was diagnosed with dyslexia. We both thought the diagnosis would be more than one small step on a long journey. In the next scene, though, Mama blows up with frustration.

Scene 4: Testing

Mama understood that Karen’s academic progress had stalled before it had even started. While many parents would have decided that their child couldn’t learn, and would have given up in discouragement, Mama understood that Karen could learn if she got the academic help and emotional support that she needed. Kitten needed special academic accommodation, and she needed to develop self-confidence. Learning as a chore was useless, but if Kitten developed self-confidence, then she would learn by herself. In the Fifties, there were few progressive parents like Mama who understood that the most important thing for all children to grasp was their own worth, which would sustain their wills through any challenge. Mama put her best effort into providing Kitten with the academic help and confidence building she needed.

She arranged for testing, which showed that Karen indeed had a learning disability. Dyslexia made reading, writing and arithmetic difficult. Regardless of how intelligent Kitten was, learning from text was taxing for her. Thereafter, with a better understanding of what her mother advocated, Karen completed the slightly modified homework that her teachers gave her. She did the best she could, while still wrestling with it. She kept her chin up and reminded herself of what she was accomplishing.

#cerebralpalsy #dyslexia #inspirational

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.