The Healing Horse, Ch. 22, Scene 4: An Impromptu Writing Exercise

image of illustration of a yellow pencil

As her Mama talks with Principal Stephie, little Karen struggles through a writing assignment in her classroom. Even though she has studied the subject, under pressure to write on demand she cannot remember what she has learned. School teachers now know much more about learning disabilities than they did in the 1950s and 60s. Back then, dyslexia and dysgraphia were not well understood at all.

(Image by Dean M. Campos, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 4: An Impromptu Writing Exercise

Meanwhile, Karen had returned to class. Without warning, her teacher gave an impromptu writing assignment—one page on Andrew Jackson, the seventh President. Kitten felt the muscles in her neck tense. Her strong right hand shook. Paralysis struck her left. Under her cotton dress, she felt drops of sweat roll down her sides, and she knew she was in for trouble. No matter how much knowledge she had about an academic subject, when her body tensed, her perceptual learning difficulty kicked in. At times like this, she acted as her own mentor, emulating the warmth and words of Mama and Pegasus.

Breathe, Karen, breathe. It’s only an assignment. You can do it, if you can calm down. Fear is the biggest barrier. Prove to yourself that you can do this, sweetheart.

Even though she had studied Jackson, under the pressure of the surprise assignment she could not remember anything about him. The wall clock showed that half an hour had elapsed. Her classmates were all busy writing, yet she had not put a single word on paper. She put her pencil into her hand and tried to string words together, writing whatever came to mind. Agonizingly, the words formed sentences. The wall clock ticked as the long hand moved, minute by minute. One by one, the minutes thundered in her head.

As she toiled with the pencil, she wondered what had happened to her starlight oath of strength. Would she ever find a happy purpose in life? Existential and nausea were new words she had recently added to her vocabulary, and she felt them coming to life in the classroom world of dreaded, extemporaneous writing.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 22, Scene 3: Mama Visits Principal Stephie

image of Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra

After little Kitten sees her mother at school, Mama has a serious talk with the principal. She has always advocated for her daughter, but now she is beginning to think like an activist.

(Image of Elizabeth Taylor in her role as Cleopatra from Trailer screenshot, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 3: Mama Visits Principal Stephie

Mama said hello to the school secretary and let her know that she had a meeting scheduled with the principal. Mama knew both women well, since she had been an officer in the PTA every year since Karen had enrolled. She sat and reviewed her notes, before the secretary called her into Stephie Sinclair’s office.

Stephanie Sinclair was a buxom middle-aged woman who always wore a suit to work. Today, it was red. She stood five and a half feet tall in matching red heels. Two wide silver streaks ran up from her forehead and through her beehive of black hair. She had adopted the fashionable Cleopatra-style eye makeup but kept her conservative red lipstick. Behind the heavy black eyeliner and blue eyeshadow, her warm brown eyes radiated warmth. As always, Mrs. Sinclair’s emotional warmth impressed Mama. After a brief greeting, Mama came to the point.

“Karen could use some extra help because of her learning disabilities, and she’s not the only student in the school who needs this. I see her struggling more and more as her homework becomes increasingly advanced. Most nights, she isn’t able to complete it on her own. She transposes letters and adds the letter s to the end of every word she reads, and her comprehension diminishes accordingly. She gets frustrated about not retaining the information she learns in class and at home, and she is showing signs of deep anxiety about school. Many nights, she goes to bed at seven-thirty, but she doesn’t get to sleep until midnight because of her worries about not learning. You’ve seen how tired she looks. You and I have talked for years about the school hiring a teacher with special training in learning disabilities, and I feel strongly that the time has come to act on this. I have discussed this with several other parents in the PTA, and we all agree that our children need help dealing with their learning disabilities. The teachers are good with the physical disabilities, but they don’t have the training for learning disabilities. I don’t want you to feel that I am pressuring you, but the other parents and I are willing to back you up if you have to request extra funding for an added staff position from the school board. We want a teacher on staff who can work directly with learning disabled students, and who can advise the classroom teachers too.”

The principal’s smile faded as she listened to Mama.

“You’re right, Katie. You’re absolutely right, but unless the school board approves hiring a specialist teacher, there’s nothing I can do. I ask every year, but so far, they have not seen enough of a need to justify the expense. You know I want to make this school a model for educational reform. In fact, I have already interviewed several candidates, so I will have one lined up if I can get approval. Maybe if you and the other parents speak with the board, you can change their minds. Meanwhile, I believe we have Karen studying on her own every afternoon, with one of the teachers looking in on her every hour.”

Mama took a deep breath and sighed. “I was afraid that was still the situation. I’ll speak with the other parents and try to get a group together to address the board.”

“There’s one other thing,” she continued. “Karen overheard some very disturbing conversations between Mrs. Pinzetti and Mrs. DeLuca. She said they were planning to talk Mrs. Beaumont into letting them put Tammy into a power wheelchair, even if Tammy might get hurt. They want the prestige of being the first therapists in the LA area to put a quadriplegic into a power chair. They also said that Dr. Lambert is demanding that they recommend more children for surgery so he can collect his surgical fees, even if the children don’t need surgery. I hope you have an explanation for why they would say these things.”

Principal Stephie went pale as she listened to Mama’s words.

“Katie, this is news to me. Let me see if I can get to the bottom of it, and let’s get together, again, in a few days.”

With those words, Mama left. The long years of devoting all of her spare time to the school and of advocating for disabled students might eventually pay off, but meanwhile she admitted to herself that she had not made much progress. The school board was more concerned about high school basketball than about disabled children with learning problems, and now there was another issue with the experts. Mama drove back to work, wondering if her efforts would ever pay off but as determined as ever to keep trying. She vowed to herself that she would never give up.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 22, Scene 2: Meeting Mama at School

This short scene leads into a longer one of Mama reveals to the school principal what little Karen overheard.

Scene 2: Meeting Mama at School

Later, after a morning nutrition break spent thinking about Tammy, Karen saw Mama outside the school’s main office. She knew why she was there.

Mama gave her a hug and said, “I’m going to see Mrs. Sinclair, now, just like I said I would.”

Karen thanked her and hurried back toward her classroom. As she walked, she felt a wave of peace come over her.

Everything’s going to be okay, now.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 22, Scene 1: Seeing the Experts

image of painting of skeleton with burning cigarette by van gosh Chapter 22 begins with a short scene. Little Kitten arrives at school and sees the evil experts lurking. She knows they are waiting for her and her friends, but then she remembered something her friend Tammy’s mother said…

(Painting “Head of a Skeleton With a Burning Cigarette” by Vincent van Gogh, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 1: Seeing the Experts

Tuesday morning arrived, and Kitten whispered a solemn affirmation to stay positive and keep hoping that the school would get her a teacher who could help with her learning disability. She vowed she would do everything she could to protect Tammy from the experts. Personal affirmations always calmed and restored her spirit, if only briefly. They were all-powerful, but only for a moment. They impressed upon her mind the changes she wanted to take place, and they helped her hold firm to them. They helped her work through her own indecision and unbelief. She went through her morning routine independently and rode the bus to school.

As the bus pulled into the parking lot, she saw the team of experts awaiting her and the other students. Leaning against the veranda railing outside the therapy room, they laughed over their coffee and tried to hide their cigarettes from the students. She saw that they were relaxed and looking forward to their day. To them the day’s evaluations were routine. Even though their decisions would affect the students’ lives, they did not care. If they cared, they would acknowledge the students leaving the buses, but they focused only on themselves.

Today was Tammy’s clinic and eval, and Tammy had not been on the bus. Kitten knew that Mrs. Beaumont would bring her to school in their family station wagon and stay with her throughout the ordeal. Afterwards, they would go home together so Tammy could rest on the couch.

Karen remembered seeing Tammy’s mom primping her last year, in the girl’s lavatory before school. Mrs. Beaumont took pride in helping Tammy look just so. Karen thought she fussed over her friend as excessively as Mama did over her.

Tammy had playfully teased her mother by saying, “Oh Mama, how much fussing are you going to do on me!”

Tammy’s mother had responded, “Until the experts know what I know.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 14: Mama Makes an Appointment

This scene is another turning point in the story, as Mama decides she has to tell the principal of her daughter’s school what the experts are planning for her and for her friend Tammy.

(Image by ProhibitOnions at English Wikipedia, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 14: Mama Makes an Appointment

After finishing her ice cream, Mama brought her mind back to Karen’s school. It served over three hundred students from all over Western LA and Santa Monica. Even though the children had a wide range of disabilities, most of them were in mixed classrooms—mixed in the sense that they had different disabilities—not that there were any non-disabled students in the school. The Down’s syndrome students had their own classrooms, according to their degree of retardation, but Karen and the others shared classrooms that were as normal as possible. The school had classified about thirty children, including Tammy, as severely disabled.

The school’s principal, Stephanie Sinclair, was a good person, and so were the teachers. However, even though the school served only handicapped students, none of the teachers had training in learning disabilities. They were good with physical issues, but unable to help Karen with her dyslexia. Karen needed new instructional methods and one-on-one tutoring. She needed the school to hire a specialized teacher who knew the new techniques and could develop Karen’s confidence so that she would rediscover her love of learning, rather than forcing herself to trudge through her lessons.

Mama did not like asking favors, but she knew that if she did not make a stand, then no one would. Most of the other parents had unrealistic hopes that they would be able to care for their children as long as the children lived, but even disabled children normally outlived their parents. Karen had the potential to become an independent adult, and even to help others, but she had a lot to learn before then. If Mama could not get her on track, academically, she would never be able to earn her own way.

She also needed to make sure that her Krana Layala had interpreted what she overheard correctly. Perhaps there was some other explanation. And, if not, then the principal needed to protect the students from the experts.

The next day at work looked easier than today had been. She could take a little time off. Dialing the principal’s home phone number from memory, she made an appointment for the next morning. Then she phoned her boss at home to let him know that she would need to take some time off. After hanging up, she sighed. Karen’s situation was difficult, but they would persevere. She never gave up, and she knew that Karen was the same way. She would advocate for Karen and teach Karen how to advocate for herself. Regardless of how the meeting with Stephanie Sinclair went, she would get Karen the help she needed.

My dear, sweet Kitten needs help with her academics more than with anything else in this world. She will never become independent without it. I need to get my daughter as strong and capable as I can before I leave this planet.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 13: A Call from Tammy’s Mom

After sitting down for her evening snack, little Kitten’s Mama recalls a desperate phone call, and that both she and the woman who called her are trying to raise their disabled daughters without help from a husband.

(Image courtesy of Parsa 2au, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 13: A Call from Tammy’s Mom

“I don’t know what to do,” the lady had said. “Tammy is definitely not retarded. She may have CP, and she may not be able to express herself verbally, but she is not stupid. Now, the school wants to put her into an electric wheelchair that she could steer with something like a drinking straw in her mouth, and here I am, the one who has been pushing for her independence, suddenly pulling the handbrake out of the floor. She may be bright underneath her disabilities, but she doesn’t have any sense of direction or of how to deal with the three-dimensional world. I’m terrified that she’ll break her neck!”

“I understand completely,” Mama had said. “Can you bring your husband with you? These teachers listen better when a man tells them what’s what, even though most of them are women.”

“I don’t want to talk about Tammy’s father,” Patsy had replied. “He’s not in the picture, anymore, and I need to stay upbeat for my kids. It’s not a theoretical issue for me. I’ll tell you some other time, but not now. Right now, I need a plan to deal with this electric wheelchair issue, and of course Dr. Lambert’s continuing recommendation that I send Tammy to an institution so I don’t have to deal with her. And what about you? Does your husband take time off work to meet with the experts and educators?”

Mama admitted that she, too, had to go it on her own, but she did not elaborate. She needed to get back to her work. She could share about his tragic death, when she had more time to talk.

After a few more minutes of hurried conversation about the pitfalls of parenting a disabled child, the two had agreed to meet over coffee while their children visited. The girls were already good friends, and Mama looked forward to spending a little down time with another parent who could understand her situation, though this woman sounded completely overwhelmed with the choice between over-protecting her daughter and risking a tragic, possibly fatal, accident.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 12: Mama’s Snack

This scene is a transition between the end of Karen’s day and her mother’s memory of her own day. In it,

Mama tries to soothe her nerves with ice cream, but then we learn a little about her work and the disturbing call she received from the mother of one of her daughter’s friends.

Image by Kimberly Vardeman from Lubbock, TX, USA, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 12: Mama’s Snack

After tucking her Kitten into bed, Mama trudged to the kitchen. She was exhausted, but she had some serious thinking to do and wanted her evening snack. She needed something to make herself feel better. She was too tired to make herself a Dagwood, and she did not have any leftover French fries to eat with mustard, so after filling a soup bowl with rocky road ice cream, she plopped into the oversize recliner in the living room, and recalled her morning.

She had stayed home until Mr. Hinton could take Karen to school, and she had been there when he brought her back. She liked Mr. Hinton, and she liked the school and its principal, but she knew that the school had to change if it were to provide for her Kitten.

She had arrived at work a little after eight that morning. Her boss had taken on a new case that looked interesting, but it had taken all her energy to deal with it. A man had been charged with murder in connection with his sister’s marital problems, and he would go to the electric chair if her boss could not prove him innocent. As usual, her boss was relying on her to pull together the details that his brilliant mind could turn into a winning courtroom argument. She had met the man and could not believe he was guilty, so she was committed to helping him as well as helping her boss.

This was difficult enough, but in the middle of the day, the mother of one of her daughter’s friends had telephoned her with even more disturbing news.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 11: Homework

Even after an extremely difficult day, little Karen faces the challenge of homework. Since she has dyslexia, it is never easy for her, but she finds the inner strength to conquer it.

(Portrait of Tchaikovsky by Charles Reutlinger, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.)

Scene 11: Homework

After dinner, Karen sat down at the kitchen table, and Mama put a record of Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto Number 1 onto the record player as study music. Karen was not looking forward to her homework, but she knew she had to do it. She reminded herself that it was important not only as a way of strengthening her self-discipline, but as a way of developing her ability to accept and accomplish assignments willingly. Conquering each night’s challenge reassured her of her own abilities and helped her accept her limitations. With every achievement came an act of acceptance, and with every act of acceptance came more belief in herself.

One hour later, the memory of her ride with Pegasus had sustained her through a routine geography assignment.

“Mama! Mama! I’m done with my homework. Could I watch some TV now?”

“Not tonight, sweetheart. You’ve had a long day and need your rest. It’s already seven o’clock, so it’s time for you to shower and get ready for bed.”

“Okay, Mama!”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 10: Dinner

After discussing the situation with Pegasus, little Kitten feels calm enough to reveal to her mother what is going on at school.

(Image of matzo ball soup by Forest & Kim Starr, CC BY 3.0 US, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 10: Dinner

“Krana Layala, is that you? It’s after dark, and I was scared something bad had happened to you. I thought you were going to be home for dinner, and you looked so worried when you got off the bus that I made your favorite dinner for you, chicken matzo ball soup.”

Her mother’s voice brought her back from the state of deep peace that her time with Pegasus had given her. She recalled his words about how she needed Mama to advocate for her against the experts, and how Tammy needed her own mother’s protection, too.

“Mama,” she said. “I’m sorry if I worried you. I had a lot to talk about with Pegasus. Let me help you with the matzo balls.”

Mama hugged her and said, “You’re such a blessing, my girl, and I’m so glad you’re home and safe. Of course I’ll let you help me, but only if you tell me what’s on your mind.”

In the kitchen, Karen described what she had seen and heard at school—the thrown coffee cups, the plot against Tammy, and the decision to recommend unnecessary surgeries. Mama listened and ladled the soup into bowls, as Kitten finished.

“Oy vey!” she replied as they sat down at the dinner table. “Tammy’s mother phoned me at work, this morning. She was quite upset about the whole power wheelchair thing and dead set against it. And I agree that a lot of these experts are more concerned with enriching themselves and gaining social status than they are with helping anyone but themselves. As for unnecessary surgeries, those would be illegal, but we both know Dr. Lambert, and I wouldn’t put it past him, and I can see him pressuring the PTs to cooperate with him.”

“But Mama, how can we stop him?” Kitten asked.

Mama said, “Let me think about this, my Krana Layala. Let me think about this. For now, you need to eat your dinner and do your homework. Thank you for telling me about what you overheard. Now, eat.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 9: Pegasus Warns of Mrs. Pinzetti

In this scene, Karen’s mentor senses her fears and addresses them, warning that unless she puts forth her best effort, the system that is supposed to serve children with disabilities will destroy her.

(Image by Лейла Махат, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 9: Pegasus Warns of Mrs. Pinzetti

Pegasus asked Kitten to dismount. He had something important to discuss with her. She slid to the ground and sat beneath a tree with her hands behind her head and her fingers intertwined.

As she watched, Pegasus appeared in his majestic, purple glory. A bright light shone behind him. Kitten looked into the light as it illuminated the grove. It filled her body and eyes, and then it filled her heart and soul. She felt a tingle, and then a prickling sensation that slid down her body as if she were being bathed in smooth, silky ice cream. Kitten looked around to see what was touching her, but she saw nothing but sparkling light.

This was the first time she saw the light appear. It seemed to be divine. Lifting her spirits and speaking in and through her mind, it spoke to her in Pegasus’ voice, speaking words of truth, and speaking words that gave her the strength, comfort and information that she needed to protect herself. Speaking tranquil words that soothed and satisfied, that hushed and quieted, that renewed and rejuvenated her psyche, the light was a warm, comforting blanket that covered her mind and body with the emotional and moral armor she needed to protect herself, but it did not try to gloss over the ugly realities of her situation.

“Mrs. Pinzetti,” Pegasus said, “will try to beat you down to a pulp. She will beat you down like the soft, moist, fleshy part of a fruit. She will keep trying and trying until she crushes you and your spirit.”

“Really? You really think so, Pegasus?” Karen replied.

“Yes, I really think so. She will grind and grind some more until you believe every word she says,” he reaffirmed. “You know, Kitten, it could be a person with a physical disability who always smiles. Someone who smiles because they are happy, or they smile because they see beauty in life even though they were dealt a bad hand. Someone who smiles to remain positive as they overcome their own difficulties. This is how they find peace from within. But Mrs. Pinzetti cannot handle this. She feels threatened by people who are kind to one another.”

Pegasus looked down for a moment, and then straight into Karen’s eyes. “Mrs. Pinzetti can’t handle kindness, warm-heartedness, or any act of affection,” he almost cried, his voice low and broken.

“She tries to get revenge. Revenge soothes her heart, and she is addicted to it like a drug addict addicted to heroin. Her comments are spiteful. Athena Pinzetti seems emotionally ill. She acts disgracefully to fill a deep emptiness within herself. She is pathetic, and so is her behavior. She has to persecute and tyrannize others to superficially fix her own hurt and pain. She has to terrify and intimidate anyone who’s weaker than herself. She thinks this builds her up, but it’s only temporary. She despises many, but especially those with disabilities because they can’t fend for themselves. They are easy prey.”

He looked away with disapproval. Karen gulped. She palmed her eyes and then rubbed them softly with the tips of her fingers. She took in these words with another large mouthful of air. She swallowed. She coughed to clear the phlegm from her throat, but the feeling overwhelmed her. This was hard to hear, but she took it in with endurance, grasping the concepts and formulating a plan as she put the pieces together in her mind.

“Do you really think Mrs. Pinzetti could be so outrageously mean and evil?

“Yes,” Pegasus said. “Yes.”

Karen mused more, while applying pressure to keep the light out of her eyes.

“You’re right, Pegasus. You are absolutely right. Mrs. Pinzetti really could do something like this to me. She really could. She wouldn’t even have a second thought.”

“That’s right, Kitten,” Pegasus agreed.

Karen rebounded. “If I’m not one step ahead of her, this could really happen!”

“You have a right, Kitten,” Pegasus went on. “You have a right to live, a right to broaden your mind, and a right to your own proper, decent life. Mrs. Pinzetti will try to make you believe things about yourself that aren’t true. She will try to sway you until you yourself start to believe her untruths. Working from those untruths, she and all the rest of the professionals will strip you of your dignity. They will deprive you of your ability to reason for yourself, stripping you of your pride and every intellectual thought you ever had. They will beat you down so far that you’ll never come up for air, again. They’ll hound you again, and again, and again until every sane thought that you have is gone, stripping it away from you forever!

Kitten choked. A colorless fluid became present in her mouth. She tried to get rid of the unwanted mucus and emotions by swallowing, again. But she couldn’t. Karen was so into her feelings that she kept swallowing small amounts of this discharge.

“This is still America, Pegasus! I still have choices!” she cried out. “I have a right. Even people with disabilities have rights!”

Pegasus spoke on, “You’ll be told that you have scattered thoughts. Mrs. Pinzetti will tell you that you can’t think clearly, can’t reason clearly, and can’t learn. She’ll reduce you to being a vegetable never wanting to learn again.”

Kitten snatched onto her arms and clasped her inner self in a deep hug. Her mentor’s words flew on.

“Nor will you want to learn for your own satisfaction. You will be surrounded by people who say they are protecting you, but in reality they will take away your mind. She will say that she is shielding you from danger, but they will be shielding you from all the things they don’t want you to know about. They will be hiding them from you. That is why it is so important for you to get this concept, now, Kitten! It’s important that you yourself know that you are not mentally retarded, that you can learn, and that you can be happy within yourself. It is an inner gift. If you can master this, you can master anything. You will always have yourself, and your self will be the gift you share with the rest of the universe. You do not have scattered thoughts. You have an intuitive mind that sees the connections among things. This is quite different.”

Karen released her grip ever so slightly.

“You need to learn, Kitten, because you want to fill your mind with knowledge. I’m certain you want to learn all the things any normal person has a right to learn.”

“I’m going to fight this! I’m going to fight!” she again shrieked in her head.

“Mrs. Pinzetti won’t let up until she wins, or until you completely defeat and discredit her. She’ll hammer the limited medical ideas she has of your potential—that she shares with the doctors and your teachers—into your consciousness like a nail, until you submit and surrender. She’ll pass judgement on you and get other professionals to agree with her until you finally admit defeat! You will begin to think and act like them as if you were in a religious cult. At that moment she’ll stand even taller, imposing her control over you. You’ll stop listening to your own inner voice and won’t recognize your own sensible conclusions. You’ll be a zombie, a spineless corpuscle, a soulless corpse, a carvable piece of oak like me. Don’t let them beat you down! Don’t let this happen to you. Take heed, Kitten. She will beat you down until your mind and spirit comply, and your mind becomes mush, until all you want to do is watch The Price is Right and sleep.”

Kitten gasped and leapt to attention, trying to catch her breath, straining to hear the truth that touched her iron will.

“Oh, no! She’s not! They’re not going to get away with this. I won’t let them! I will marshal every ounce of strength and courage I can dredge up!” she swore.

Pegasus continued, “Let go, Kitten, let go. Your tormentors are your teachers and your therapists, and you teach them in return. They teach you to rely upon your inner strength and spiritual wisdom. You teach them that paralysis does not equal retardation, and that a handicapped body does not equal a handicapped soul. Let go of your pain and fear. Stay with your goal.”

“But what about Tammy?”

“She has her mother and you. You must teach her spiritual wisdom and stand by her.”