The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 13: A Call from Tammy’s Mom

After sitting down for her evening snack, little Kitten’s Mama recalls a desperate phone call, and that both she and the woman who called her are trying to raise their disabled daughters without help from a husband.

(Image courtesy of Parsa 2au, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 13: A Call from Tammy’s Mom

“I don’t know what to do,” the lady had said. “Tammy is definitely not retarded. She may have CP, and she may not be able to express herself verbally, but she is not stupid. Now, the school wants to put her into an electric wheelchair that she could steer with something like a drinking straw in her mouth, and here I am, the one who has been pushing for her independence, suddenly pulling the handbrake out of the floor. She may be bright underneath her disabilities, but she doesn’t have any sense of direction or of how to deal with the three-dimensional world. I’m terrified that she’ll break her neck!”

“I understand completely,” Mama had said. “Can you bring your husband with you? These teachers listen better when a man tells them what’s what, even though most of them are women.”

“I don’t want to talk about Tammy’s father,” Patsy had replied. “He’s not in the picture, anymore, and I need to stay upbeat for my kids. It’s not a theoretical issue for me. I’ll tell you some other time, but not now. Right now, I need a plan to deal with this electric wheelchair issue, and of course Dr. Lambert’s continuing recommendation that I send Tammy to an institution so I don’t have to deal with her. And what about you? Does your husband take time off work to meet with the experts and educators?”

Mama admitted that she, too, had to go it on her own, but she did not elaborate. She needed to get back to her work. She could share about his tragic death, when she had more time to talk.

After a few more minutes of hurried conversation about the pitfalls of parenting a disabled child, the two had agreed to meet over coffee while their children visited. The girls were already good friends, and Mama looked forward to spending a little down time with another parent who could understand her situation, though this woman sounded completely overwhelmed with the choice between over-protecting her daughter and risking a tragic, possibly fatal, accident.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 12: Mama’s Snack

This scene is a transition between the end of Karen’s day and her mother’s memory of her own day. In it,

Mama tries to soothe her nerves with ice cream, but then we learn a little about her work and the disturbing call she received from the mother of one of her daughter’s friends.

Image by Kimberly Vardeman from Lubbock, TX, USA, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 12: Mama’s Snack

After tucking her Kitten into bed, Mama trudged to the kitchen. She was exhausted, but she had some serious thinking to do and wanted her evening snack. She needed something to make herself feel better. She was too tired to make herself a Dagwood, and she did not have any leftover French fries to eat with mustard, so after filling a soup bowl with rocky road ice cream, she plopped into the oversize recliner in the living room, and recalled her morning.

She had stayed home until Mr. Hinton could take Karen to school, and she had been there when he brought her back. She liked Mr. Hinton, and she liked the school and its principal, but she knew that the school had to change if it were to provide for her Kitten.

She had arrived at work a little after eight that morning. Her boss had taken on a new case that looked interesting, but it had taken all her energy to deal with it. A man had been charged with murder in connection with his sister’s marital problems, and he would go to the electric chair if her boss could not prove him innocent. As usual, her boss was relying on her to pull together the details that his brilliant mind could turn into a winning courtroom argument. She had met the man and could not believe he was guilty, so she was committed to helping him as well as helping her boss.

This was difficult enough, but in the middle of the day, the mother of one of her daughter’s friends had telephoned her with even more disturbing news.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 11: Homework

Even after an extremely difficult day, little Karen faces the challenge of homework. Since she has dyslexia, it is never easy for her, but she finds the inner strength to conquer it.

(Portrait of Tchaikovsky by Charles Reutlinger, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.)

Scene 11: Homework

After dinner, Karen sat down at the kitchen table, and Mama put a record of Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto Number 1 onto the record player as study music. Karen was not looking forward to her homework, but she knew she had to do it. She reminded herself that it was important not only as a way of strengthening her self-discipline, but as a way of developing her ability to accept and accomplish assignments willingly. Conquering each night’s challenge reassured her of her own abilities and helped her accept her limitations. With every achievement came an act of acceptance, and with every act of acceptance came more belief in herself.

One hour later, the memory of her ride with Pegasus had sustained her through a routine geography assignment.

“Mama! Mama! I’m done with my homework. Could I watch some TV now?”

“Not tonight, sweetheart. You’ve had a long day and need your rest. It’s already seven o’clock, so it’s time for you to shower and get ready for bed.”

“Okay, Mama!”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 10: Dinner

After discussing the situation with Pegasus, little Kitten feels calm enough to reveal to her mother what is going on at school.

(Image of matzo ball soup by Forest & Kim Starr, CC BY 3.0 US, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 10: Dinner

“Krana Layala, is that you? It’s after dark, and I was scared something bad had happened to you. I thought you were going to be home for dinner, and you looked so worried when you got off the bus that I made your favorite dinner for you, chicken matzo ball soup.”

Her mother’s voice brought her back from the state of deep peace that her time with Pegasus had given her. She recalled his words about how she needed Mama to advocate for her against the experts, and how Tammy needed her own mother’s protection, too.

“Mama,” she said. “I’m sorry if I worried you. I had a lot to talk about with Pegasus. Let me help you with the matzo balls.”

Mama hugged her and said, “You’re such a blessing, my girl, and I’m so glad you’re home and safe. Of course I’ll let you help me, but only if you tell me what’s on your mind.”

In the kitchen, Karen described what she had seen and heard at school—the thrown coffee cups, the plot against Tammy, and the decision to recommend unnecessary surgeries. Mama listened and ladled the soup into bowls, as Kitten finished.

“Oy vey!” she replied as they sat down at the dinner table. “Tammy’s mother phoned me at work, this morning. She was quite upset about the whole power wheelchair thing and dead set against it. And I agree that a lot of these experts are more concerned with enriching themselves and gaining social status than they are with helping anyone but themselves. As for unnecessary surgeries, those would be illegal, but we both know Dr. Lambert, and I wouldn’t put it past him, and I can see him pressuring the PTs to cooperate with him.”

“But Mama, how can we stop him?” Kitten asked.

Mama said, “Let me think about this, my Krana Layala. Let me think about this. For now, you need to eat your dinner and do your homework. Thank you for telling me about what you overheard. Now, eat.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 9: Pegasus Warns of Mrs. Pinzetti

In this scene, Karen’s mentor senses her fears and addresses them, warning that unless she puts forth her best effort, the system that is supposed to serve children with disabilities will destroy her.

(Image by Лейла Махат, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 9: Pegasus Warns of Mrs. Pinzetti

Pegasus asked Kitten to dismount. He had something important to discuss with her. She slid to the ground and sat beneath a tree with her hands behind her head and her fingers intertwined.

As she watched, Pegasus appeared in his majestic, purple glory. A bright light shone behind him. Kitten looked into the light as it illuminated the grove. It filled her body and eyes, and then it filled her heart and soul. She felt a tingle, and then a prickling sensation that slid down her body as if she were being bathed in smooth, silky ice cream. Kitten looked around to see what was touching her, but she saw nothing but sparkling light.

This was the first time she saw the light appear. It seemed to be divine. Lifting her spirits and speaking in and through her mind, it spoke to her in Pegasus’ voice, speaking words of truth, and speaking words that gave her the strength, comfort and information that she needed to protect herself. Speaking tranquil words that soothed and satisfied, that hushed and quieted, that renewed and rejuvenated her psyche, the light was a warm, comforting blanket that covered her mind and body with the emotional and moral armor she needed to protect herself, but it did not try to gloss over the ugly realities of her situation.

“Mrs. Pinzetti,” Pegasus said, “will try to beat you down to a pulp. She will beat you down like the soft, moist, fleshy part of a fruit. She will keep trying and trying until she crushes you and your spirit.”

“Really? You really think so, Pegasus?” Karen replied.

“Yes, I really think so. She will grind and grind some more until you believe every word she says,” he reaffirmed. “You know, Kitten, it could be a person with a physical disability who always smiles. Someone who smiles because they are happy, or they smile because they see beauty in life even though they were dealt a bad hand. Someone who smiles to remain positive as they overcome their own difficulties. This is how they find peace from within. But Mrs. Pinzetti cannot handle this. She feels threatened by people who are kind to one another.”

Pegasus looked down for a moment, and then straight into Karen’s eyes. “Mrs. Pinzetti can’t handle kindness, warm-heartedness, or any act of affection,” he almost cried, his voice low and broken.

“She tries to get revenge. Revenge soothes her heart, and she is addicted to it like a drug addict addicted to heroin. Her comments are spiteful. Athena Pinzetti seems emotionally ill. She acts disgracefully to fill a deep emptiness within herself. She is pathetic, and so is her behavior. She has to persecute and tyrannize others to superficially fix her own hurt and pain. She has to terrify and intimidate anyone who’s weaker than herself. She thinks this builds her up, but it’s only temporary. She despises many, but especially those with disabilities because they can’t fend for themselves. They are easy prey.”

He looked away with disapproval. Karen gulped. She palmed her eyes and then rubbed them softly with the tips of her fingers. She took in these words with another large mouthful of air. She swallowed. She coughed to clear the phlegm from her throat, but the feeling overwhelmed her. This was hard to hear, but she took it in with endurance, grasping the concepts and formulating a plan as she put the pieces together in her mind.

“Do you really think Mrs. Pinzetti could be so outrageously mean and evil?

“Yes,” Pegasus said. “Yes.”

Karen mused more, while applying pressure to keep the light out of her eyes.

“You’re right, Pegasus. You are absolutely right. Mrs. Pinzetti really could do something like this to me. She really could. She wouldn’t even have a second thought.”

“That’s right, Kitten,” Pegasus agreed.

Karen rebounded. “If I’m not one step ahead of her, this could really happen!”

“You have a right, Kitten,” Pegasus went on. “You have a right to live, a right to broaden your mind, and a right to your own proper, decent life. Mrs. Pinzetti will try to make you believe things about yourself that aren’t true. She will try to sway you until you yourself start to believe her untruths. Working from those untruths, she and all the rest of the professionals will strip you of your dignity. They will deprive you of your ability to reason for yourself, stripping you of your pride and every intellectual thought you ever had. They will beat you down so far that you’ll never come up for air, again. They’ll hound you again, and again, and again until every sane thought that you have is gone, stripping it away from you forever!

Kitten choked. A colorless fluid became present in her mouth. She tried to get rid of the unwanted mucus and emotions by swallowing, again. But she couldn’t. Karen was so into her feelings that she kept swallowing small amounts of this discharge.

“This is still America, Pegasus! I still have choices!” she cried out. “I have a right. Even people with disabilities have rights!”

Pegasus spoke on, “You’ll be told that you have scattered thoughts. Mrs. Pinzetti will tell you that you can’t think clearly, can’t reason clearly, and can’t learn. She’ll reduce you to being a vegetable never wanting to learn again.”

Kitten snatched onto her arms and clasped her inner self in a deep hug. Her mentor’s words flew on.

“Nor will you want to learn for your own satisfaction. You will be surrounded by people who say they are protecting you, but in reality they will take away your mind. She will say that she is shielding you from danger, but they will be shielding you from all the things they don’t want you to know about. They will be hiding them from you. That is why it is so important for you to get this concept, now, Kitten! It’s important that you yourself know that you are not mentally retarded, that you can learn, and that you can be happy within yourself. It is an inner gift. If you can master this, you can master anything. You will always have yourself, and your self will be the gift you share with the rest of the universe. You do not have scattered thoughts. You have an intuitive mind that sees the connections among things. This is quite different.”

Karen released her grip ever so slightly.

“You need to learn, Kitten, because you want to fill your mind with knowledge. I’m certain you want to learn all the things any normal person has a right to learn.”

“I’m going to fight this! I’m going to fight!” she again shrieked in her head.

“Mrs. Pinzetti won’t let up until she wins, or until you completely defeat and discredit her. She’ll hammer the limited medical ideas she has of your potential—that she shares with the doctors and your teachers—into your consciousness like a nail, until you submit and surrender. She’ll pass judgement on you and get other professionals to agree with her until you finally admit defeat! You will begin to think and act like them as if you were in a religious cult. At that moment she’ll stand even taller, imposing her control over you. You’ll stop listening to your own inner voice and won’t recognize your own sensible conclusions. You’ll be a zombie, a spineless corpuscle, a soulless corpse, a carvable piece of oak like me. Don’t let them beat you down! Don’t let this happen to you. Take heed, Kitten. She will beat you down until your mind and spirit comply, and your mind becomes mush, until all you want to do is watch The Price is Right and sleep.”

Kitten gasped and leapt to attention, trying to catch her breath, straining to hear the truth that touched her iron will.

“Oh, no! She’s not! They’re not going to get away with this. I won’t let them! I will marshal every ounce of strength and courage I can dredge up!” she swore.

Pegasus continued, “Let go, Kitten, let go. Your tormentors are your teachers and your therapists, and you teach them in return. They teach you to rely upon your inner strength and spiritual wisdom. You teach them that paralysis does not equal retardation, and that a handicapped body does not equal a handicapped soul. Let go of your pain and fear. Stay with your goal.”

“But what about Tammy?”

“She has her mother and you. You must teach her spiritual wisdom and stand by her.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 8: Peaceful Moments with Pegasus

The story continues, as Karen turns to her spiritual mentor for wisdom. He reassures her, but he also insists that she deal with reality in a practical way.

(Image by Dave Kremnitzer, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 8: Peaceful Moments with Pegasus

Relying on her strong right leg to get from the last step of the bus to the sidewalk, she called out to Mama, “I need to talk with Pegasus, right now, but I’ll be home for supper!”

As her brave stallion carried her away, Karen felt herself relax. Despite the fact that the ranch was finite in size, she and Pegasus discovered new lands on every ride, as if they were in an alternative universe on the edge of the city. She was glad to be on horseback and knew that Pegasus would tell her what she needed to know, so she could deal with the situation at school.

After a brisk ride, they rested in a serene and sacred grove, surrounded by exotic flora and fauna. Pungent eucalyptus and sweet frankincense surrounded them. Two ancient banyan trees spread above them, and the blue Pacific reflected the setting sun before them. Karen wondered why no one else could see these treasures. She did not know, but she figured it had to do with her magical stallion.

While walking leisurely under the trees, she told Pegasus about Mrs. Pinzetti, the coffee cups, Tammy, and Dr. Lambert’s demand for more surgeries.

She concluded by saying, “Thank you for coming to me in school. Your spiritual presence saved my life. I was fading fast. But what about my dear friend Tammy?”

Pegasus replied, “I felt your suffering at school and went there in spirit to comfort you. You need your Mama’s help with Tammy’s situation. I can support you in spirit, with wisdom, with compassion, but you still need a strong adult to confront the experts. You still need Mama, and Tammy still needs her mother.”

They remained five minutes more. Time evaporated into dusk. The sun’s reflection glistened upon the blue Pacific. In spite of Pegasus’ advice and support, she felt afraid.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 7: On the Bus

In this scene, after overhearing Mrs. Pinzetti and her colleague plot against Tammy, Karen maintains a positive outlook and feels sympathy for the students whose disabilities are more severe than hers.

(Image by Mohamed Hassan, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 7: On the Bus

Walking out to the bus, Karen saw all the shiny yellow and black buses lined up. The loading zone looked like Toy Land, where little girls and boys would come for fun. Along with the other children who could walk by themselves, Karen scurried onto her bus and took her favorite seat, one by a window on the same side as the door into the bus. Listening with half an ear to the other students’ chatter, she watched as the drivers carried the non-ambulatory kids up the bus steps and settled them into assigned seats at the front of the bus.

Kitten felt sympathy for these children. They could not help themselves as she did, despite her partial paralysis. They could not walk, even with crutches. Many could neither voice their needs nor speak intelligibly. Some wore heavy metal braces not only on their legs, but also up their entire bodies. Others wore body casts. The ones who had cerebral palsy, as she did, were far more challenged than she was. Others had muscular dystrophy or multiple sclerosis. Tammy was always the last student that Mr. Hinton brought on board. When he took her out of her wheelchair, her arms and legs began flailing, and he needed help from one of the other drivers to keep her from hurting herself. He lifted her upper torso by grasping the steel brace around her waist, while another driver lifted her feet. Because of the flailing, she was in constant danger. He put her into the seat right behind him, with her back against the side of the bus and her legs pointing toward the aisle. By adjusting the seat belt and other restraints, he made sure she would not bang her head or hands against the wall of the bus or the seat. Kitten smiled and waved, and she smiled back.

When all the students were secure in their seat belts, the buses started their engines. Mr. Hinton looked in his oversized rearview mirror and took a head count. He knew every child’s name and special needs, and he checked to be sure that all his children were in place, safe, and accounted for.

The headcount complete, he revved up his motor, looked to see if the coast were clear, and shouted, “What are we waiting for? Let’s go!” and off they motored.

On the way home, some of the children sat together and talked. Others played games like counting Volkswagens. Sometimes, Karen played. Most of the time, she just silently enjoyed looking out the window, and her time silently alone. Today, she could not stop thinking about how she had misjudged Mrs. Pinzetti and about Tammy’s fate.

As she looked at Tammy, Karen had mixed feelings. By sharing with her, she had realized that she was not alone, and she now felt less isolated. Tammy understood what her learning disability was all about, and what it was like to be labeled retarded when you were not. At the same time, overhearing Mrs. Pinzetti’s plans had frightened her. Her intuition that the experts were evil was now confirmed, and she had to deal with this reality.

One by one, the children left the bus to go home. Mr. Hinton drove block after block, turn after turn, from one end of the western part of greater Los Angeles to the other.

Karen had memorized the route to her old house, along with Mr. Hinton, when he first started as a driver. She knew who was getting off when, and at which house. Since she and Mama had moved, she was still learning the new route.

“One more block to go,” she sighed, as Mr. Hinton turned a corner and she recognized her street.

She saw Pegasus in the distance, waiting by her house. Mr. Hinton pulled close to the curb.

“There you go, Kitten! You look worried. Don’t fret, darling. Keep smiling. Don’t let whatever it is get you down. Have a nice evening, and don’t be afraid to tell your mother whatever is bothering you.”

Karen smiled and thanked Mr. Hinton. He always seemed to say the right thing.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 6: Surgeries for Kids Who Don’t Need Them

The story continues to grow darker and darker, though little Karen manages to keep her head throughout it all.

(Image by Santeri Viinamäki, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 6: Surgeries for Kids Who Don’t Need Them

In the therapy room, Mrs. Pinzetti put on her white doctor coat and had Karen sit on the gray mat. As with Mrs. Schmidt, the final exercise was the calf stretch. Karen sat on the mat with her legs straight in front of her. Mrs. Pinzetti knelt at her feet, as she pushed down hard on Karen’s left knee with her left hand and pushed forward against her left toes with her right in an effort to straighten the leg and relax the ankle so that Karen’s foot would work normally when she walked. Karen tried to relax. She knew that Mrs. Pinzetti was not cruel in the way that Mrs. Schmidt had been, in spite of what she had heard her tell Mrs. DeLuca in the hallway.

The swish of the PT room’s door caught her attention, and she twisted her neck to look over her left shoulder. Mrs. DeLuca had quietly pushed the door open.

“Excuse me,” she said. “Mrs. Pinzetti is wanted on the phone in the school office. Dr. Lambert says he must speak with her, immediately.”

Kitten saw Mrs. Pinzetti’s eyes go blank. The therapist’s right hand raised itself to her face, where it rubbed the round scar abrasively, as if she were trying to rub it away.

After a moment, she said, “I should talk with Dr. Lambert, now. Mrs. DeLuca will complete your treatment. Perhaps she should start over. I’m so sorry, Sugar, but I have to go, now.”

Karen watched as Mrs. Pinzetti’s elegant figure stood and then slipped out of the room. For a moment, she wondered if she would ever become so beautiful and graceful. Then, Mrs. DeLuca began the whole therapy sequence at the beginning.

In a few minutes, Mrs. Pinzetti returned. Her face was still tense and pale. Mrs. DeLuca excused herself from Karen and went into the hallway with Mrs. Pinzetti. She closed the therapy room door, but Karen could hear them through the gap between it and the floor.

“What did he want?” Mrs. DeLuca whispered.

Mrs. Pinzetti replied in the lowest whisper, but Karen could still hear.

“Surgeries! He wants more surgeries. That’s why he got me fired from my last job. Do you see this scar on my cheek? I refused to refer enough children to him for surgery, so he got me fired and promised to ruin my professional reputation so I would never work again. That night I went home, got drunk on cheap red wine, and fell asleep on my own cigarette. I burned a scar into my own face. Not enough surgeries! I can’t afford to lose this job, but we’re running out of children who need surgery. We’re going to have to start on the ones that don’t need it.”

Mrs. DeLuca replied, “I need my job, too. We have to give him what he wants.”

The bell rang exactly at three. It was time to go home. Karen put on her shoes and waited a few minutes. She knew that the children who were able to run were all racing to the coatroom for their coats and lunch bags. She did not want to get knocked over in the rush. She had to get home and talk to Pegasus and Mama.

As she walked by the two therapists in the hallway, they both said, “Have a good evening, Karen,” and then went back into their room.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 5: Alone in a Classroom

After the torment of hearing Mrs. Pinzetti disparage her and plot against her friend, Tammy, Karen goes to an empty classroom for a tutorial. Unfortunately, the school cannot afford to provide a tutor, so she studies alone. As always, she makes the best of a bad situation instead of giving in to it. Then the evil Mrs. P appears…

(Image by drcw on Flickr)

Scene 5: Alone in a Classroom

After lunch, her classroom teacher excused Kitten for her daily tutorial. This had begun after her last evaluation, nearly a year before. Karen had complained that she needed more advanced instruction than the rest of her class, and that the disruptive behavior of some of her classmates made concentration hard for her. The eval team had recommended that the school hire a tutor to work with Karen in a separate classroom.

Unfortunately, the school lacked funding to hire a tutor. Instead, the principal assigned one of the teachers to work one on one with Kitten, but five minutes into the first session, the teacher had left and never returned. Karen had wondered what she had done to drive the teacher away, but she had been so determined to learn that she had persevered for two hours alone every day, trying to study on her own. She had not told anyone because she thought it was her fault the teacher had not come back.

In the empty classroom, she sat at a desk with a stack of vocabulary cards to study for the weekly spelling test. Her teacher wanted her to look at the cards and then spell and pronounce the words aloud, but Kitten had discovered that she learned better if she traced her finger over each word, and then said it aloud. She learned kinesthetically.

In her perception, the words appeared garbled, jumbled, distorted, and mixed up. She worked through the list, one word at a time. With each word, first, she could not sound it out, and then she could barely say it, but she kept her commitment to herself and to her learning. On the third try, she could usually say the word. She traced each word with her finger, and then she could remember the spelling. Repeating the word aloud as she traced it, she mastered the pronunciation. Her teachers had taught her to sound out and repeat the words, but her intuition alone had taught her to trace them. She got the spelling right almost one hundred percent of the time.

Desperate with fear that she could not learn the words, she traced them and tried to tie a knot between shape and meaning. Despair threatened to undermine her, but she held steady. Regardless of her emotional state, she mastered all the words in the first half hour. Then she took a second stack of cards from her bag. She had made these cards herself by writing in black crayon on white three-by-five index cards. On the back of each card, she had written a brief definition in pencil. These were words from her reading, words she had needed a dictionary to understand.

What is this going to teach me? This is nothing I couldn’t do at home. I need a teacher in here teaching me. I’m twelve years old. I should be starting college in six years, but I’m nowhere near ready.

A tap on the glass panel of the door brought her out of her reverie. Mrs. Pinzetti waved at her and opened the door. As always, her appearance was perfect. Her beautiful dark gray woolen pants went well with a medium gray three-quarter-sleeve sweater top, and her golden hoop earrings sparkled against her black hair. Karen thought, Appearances can deceive. If I had not heard what she said to Mrs. DeLuca, I would still think she was perfect.

“Karen, Sugar,” she said. “Since this is clinic and eval week, we need to juggle your schedule so you don’t miss PT. Walk this way with me, please.”

Kitten forced a smile as she put the cards away and followed Mrs. Pinzetti out of the room.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 21, Scene 4: The Tormentors Are My Teachers

image: William_Blake_The_Circle_of_the_Corrupt_Officials_the_Devils_Tormenting_Ciampolo_1827_NGA_798

This scene continues the theme of the evil expert and of little Kitten’s inner strength. Though hearing Mrs. Pinzetti’s plans for her friend Tammy knocks her to the floor, she finds the inner wisdom to rise and continue her mission to make the world a better place for people with disabilities.

(Image by William Blake from the National Gallery of Art, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 4: The Tormentors Are My Teachers

Kitten’s heart physically hurt. A sick sensation arose, and she could not breathe. She gasped for air and leaned against the wall, but the pain increased, and she felt as if her heart were collapsing. She consciously inhaled and exhaled, but the physical feeling would not leave. Her breath came and went in short pulsing sobs. She pulled her weak left arm across her chest and tried to hug away the pain, but the constriction grew stronger. She slid down the wall, not knowing whether she were going to cry or drop to the floor.

Now, she knew the source of the dark premonitions that had haunted her for days. Her intuition had been warning her that the experts would attack as a group, like a flock of vultures. Mrs. Pinzetti and Dr. Lambert really were plotting against her and her friends. Tammy was a person, not a lab rat. Tammy’s disabilities did not make her less of a person, anymore than Karen’s did her. These experts did not know the first thing about what Tammy wanted or needed, nor did they have a right to be nasty when talking about her. They were supposed to use their specialized knowledge to make people’s lives better, not to further their careers and profit financially. Karen asked herself why people who had everything would hurt those who did not. Why would able-bodied people with college degrees feel they had to make disabled people’s lives more difficult? Could they not see that they were hurting the people they were supposed to be helping, and that they were further disabling the already disabled?

I thought Mrs. Pinzetti was my friend. Why do these specialists treat us like animals? Look what they are planning for Tammy and me. I thought they would just embarrass me with personal questions and by making me parade around in my underwear during clinic, but they don’t care whether Tammy breaks her neck in a new wheelchair, and Lambert is sure to try to talk Mama into surgery for me. What can I do to make them stop? Why did God make me crippled like this? He should have taken my life when I was in a coma.

Suddenly, she felt Pegasus’ warm, calming presence. The pain left her heart. She breathed deeply, and her body righted itself. She opened her eyes and looked down the hall with a new strength. She recalled her life goal. She would change how the world treated disabled people. But for now, she had to save Tammy and herself. She had to warn Mama and Mrs. Beaumont. She knew she could do her part to achieve civil rights for disabled people, but the bitter truth remained that the experts and institutions that were supposed to help her were her greatest impediments.

Resuming her walk back to class, she repeated to herself, The tormentors are my teachers, and I teach them in return.