The Healing Horse, Ch. 23, Scene 7: The Gown

Left alone and without help, brave little Karen figures out how to put on a hospital gown by herself. Then she steps through the curtain to begin her ordeal.

Scene 7: The Gown

The table in the changing area held a white cotton hospital gown. Karen disrobed as quickly as she could, conscious of the doctors waiting for her. Shaking the folded gown, she opened it and held it up before her. She had worn gowns like this for some of her medical treatments, but she had never tried to put one on by herself. In previous years, the Child Study Team had not provided anything for her to wear. They had let her wear her own clothes. She considered asking Mrs. Pinzetti for help, but since she now knew how the therapist felt about Tammy, she no longer wanted any help from her.

After pulling the gown up and over beautiful weak left arm, she maneuvered it behind and around her neck, so she could get her right arm through the other hole. Reaching behind her back with her right hand, she caught one of the ties, but even though her left hand could grab the string, it could not tie it into a knot, even with help from her mouth. She leaned her back against the table to hold the gown in place and got a pair of ties into her right hand. After a few minutes of twisting them, she succeeded in making a loose knot. She did the same with the other ties.

Under her breath, she whispered to herself, “Oh, Mama, I need you here with me. I may be disabled, but I am not an animal on display. If they view me as an animal, then I will show them the Pegasus in me. I am not afraid, but I wish my Mama were here.”

She stepped through the curtain.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 23, Scene 6: Clinic Begins

The clinic begins with the evil Mrs. Pinzetti shepherding little Karen through the room of experts, where her orthopedist refuses to return her smile. This is only the beginning of the process of dehumanizing her. At the end of the scene, Karen is left alone to remove the clothing that expresses her individuality and to put on the anonymous gown of someone who is merely the subject of a medical examination.

(Painting Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 6: Clinic Begins

The hallway clock read eleven. Karen had been waiting outside the physical therapy room for fifteen minutes since following Mrs. Pinzetti from the classroom. She sat stiffly, unable to relax, legs numb from the hard seat of the wooden chair. The door opened. Mrs. Pinzetti looked down at her and cleared her throat. “Come this way with me, please,” she said.

Karen followed her through the main part of the room. The silver walking bars, which normally filled the center, had been pushed to the side and replaced by a treatment table. Her orthopedist, Dr. Lambert, stood beside it. As usual, the only bright spot in the room was the dusty print of Van Gogh’s Starry Night on the far wall.

He was still as tall and overweight as she remembered. Well over six feet tall, he could not button his white coat over his belly, or stretch his tie beyond his breastbone. He was bald, and in spite of having beads of sweat standing on his scalp, his hands were always frigid. His deep-set gray eyes were hidden behind thick, horn-rimmed glasses. He held a wooden pointer in his right hand and a binder containing his notes on her in his left. He always wore a gray suit with a matching tie. She wondered if he wore the same clothes every day, or if he had a closet full of identical gray pants, gray striped shirts, and gray ties. She was sure he owned only one pair of cufflinks, and these, too, were gray. He was no Ben Casey or Dr. Kildare. Rather, he was the opposite of the heroic medical doctor.

He had an audience of at least fifty other white coats. They sat in two groups, on folding chairs, facing each other across the middle of the room, with Dr. Lambert in the middle. They took notes, as he spoke.

She forced herself to smile at him, but he did not acknowledge her. He looked through her and said to the other professionals, “This is our next subject. She has cerebral palsy and dyslexia, so she is unable to describe her own condition, but you will find everything you need to know in the notes I provided.” Then he continued his lecture.

Karen remembered that, in the three years he had been her orthopedist, he had never asked her how she was, how she felt, or what she hoped to get from his treatments. He had never tried to get to know her as a person. She wondered whether he could remember anything about her without referring to his notes. He assumed she was unable to report or describe her own condition, and that only he could observe, analyze, report, and diagnose her needs.

Mrs. Pinzetti led Karen into one of the treatment areas, which had been curtained off for privacy. She said, “Please disrobe and put on the hospital gown. You can do that for yourself, so I will leave now.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 23, Scene 5: Time for Clinic

This scene transitions from Karen’s worries into a sequence of action scenes, as the evil Mrs. Pinzetti pulls Karen from the safety of the classroom, so she can undergo a clinical evaluation by the experts.

(Image courtesy of Adammoore426, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 5: Time for Clinic

Precisely at ten-forty-five, Mrs. Pinzetti opened the classroom door and walked to Karen’s desk. After clearing her throat, she said, “Come this way with me, please,” and turned back toward the door. Karen looked up at her teacher, who nodded assent. Shivering from fear, Kitten remained in her chair, unable to stand, unsure of herself and of what she could do. She had heard the anger underneath Mrs. Pinzetti’s syrupy tone. She took a deep breath and then followed her down the hallway.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 23, Scene 4: Worry and Courage

This scene shows little Karen in the classroom, trying to pull herself together, but in a daze of fear of the coming physical exam and evaluation.

(Image courtesy of User:Ragesoss, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 4: Worry and Courage

She could not concentrate. She was miserably, ferociously preoccupied. Although her adrenal glands were in overdrive, her mind was in a stupor. The red second hand of the black-rimmed clock ticked the minutes away. She heard the teacher speak, but the words were meaningless.

What would the experts do to her? Would she have to perform for them, do exercises for them? She promised herself that she would take each minute as it came. She would maintain her composure. She would do whatever it took to get through clinic. She put her head down on the desk.

So much for living serenely in the here and now. Am I a failure at that, too? I want serenity, and I am trying my hardest, but I am just a kid!

For a moment, she retreated into her imagination and visualized herself riding on Pegasus in the sunshine and freedom of nature. As she rode in freedom and imagination, she felt her strength grow and knew it would sustain her through the afternoon.

With an existential jerk, she heaved herself back into reality. She knew she had just experienced the power of imagination that Pegasus had described a few hours before. That moment of freedom had been pure imagination. Yet, instead of being outdoors, in natural surroundings where she felt free, she was now in a classroom and would soon be on a table, undergoing an examination by experts. It would not be a place of beauty. It would be harsh and cold, a place where starched white coats looked down at her with commanding eyes and cold, intrusive hands.

The specialists would confer, command, and recommend. They would speak softly among themselves—not to her—as if she mattered not and could neither understand nor contribute to their discussion. When ready, they would announce their rulings without regard for her feelings. Their rulings would carry the weight of law in her life, but would have no consequences at all in the lives of the experts.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 23, Scene 3: Nutrition Break Worries

This scene continues the sequence of little Karen dealing with her fear of the experts, as the morning drags along until she must see them.

(Photo of cinnamon buns by Mack Male from Edmonton, AB, Canada, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 3: Nutrition Break Worries

A while later, when Karen got off the school bus, she went to her classroom and tried to keep her mind on what the teacher was saying, but she could not stop worrying. Tammy was absent from school, and Kitten was sure the absence was related to the previous day’s clinic and eval.

The morning dragged on until nutrition break. Since Tammy was not there to share food with, Karen sat alone with a lump in her throat. Her nerves were building, feverish and jittery as she thought about the cavalier attitude of the medical team. She knew they would not snatch her up until eleven. She hoped it would be later. She hoped she could calm herself before they took her away. She tried to use her imagination to calm herself, but her fear was too much for her. She pushed the cinnamon roll away and returned to her classroom.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 23, Scene 2: The Power of Imagination

As little Kitten prepares to face the experts, she wisely turns to her mentor for advice, and he teaches her an important lesson about the power of imagination. Her mother, on the other hand, makes sure she starts the day with a good breakfast.

(Photo by Jonathunder, GFDL 1.2, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 2: The Power of Imagination

Pegasus returned Kitten to her front yard. After she slid down to the ground, he said, “I am on this earth to be of spiritual service, and so are you. Each of us has a unique destiny that we will someday understand, but only as the future unfolds. In the meantime, we must live in the present while not forgetting the power of imagination! Retreating into your imagination nurtures it. The internal world comes alive and manifests in the outer world. Einstein said, ‘Imagination is more important than knowledge.’ Your inner self is blossoming. You are coming alive to your own true self. Your imagination will give you the power to fight these evil experts and to control your own life.”

With a smile, Pegasus disappeared in a lavender blur. Karen stood still in the quiet morning air. No one else on her street was awake yet. She rubbed her eyes and realized she was crying. She wiped the tears from her face and licked them off her lips. She knew what she had to do. She climbed the steps and opened the front door, just as Mama emerged from her bedroom, wearing her white flannel nightgown and with her hair in a net.

“My Krana Layala, you’ve been out already? It’s early. You’re not cold are you?”

“I’m fine, Mama. I needed Pegasus’ advice about today. I will face whatever it brings with courage and imagination.”

“That’s my girl. Let me give you a hug, and then you need to eat a good breakfast to give you strength to get through the day.”

Karen buried her face in her Mama’s bosom and held tightly to her. After a moment, she slipped away so she could dress in a cheerful pink jumper and three-quarter sleeved white knit top for school. She ate a bagel with lox and cream cheese, and she was ready for anything.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 23, Scene 1: Early Wednesday Morning

Chapter 23 is all about how bad things can get when medical experts stop seeing their disabled patients as people and start looking at them as crippled animals.

(Image by Ronnie Robertson, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 1: Early Wednesday Morning

Wednesday came fast, and at dawn Karen was outside Pegasus’ stable, dressed in her jean jacket and magical boots over her warm pink pajamas. She sat on a tree stump and inhaled the morning air, as she thought in solitude. She tried to keep faith. She hoped that, whatever happened, she and Pegasus could figure it out together.

When she raised her eyes, she saw her lavender mentor. He said, “Morning! How’s my favorite girl today? I must say that you look a bit morose and worn beyond your years.”

“I’m all right, I guess. Sorry about not visiting last night. I wasn’t in the mood to talk. It’s all because of what’s going to happen later this morning.”

“Regardless of what may happen later, this morning is still beautiful. Let’s go for a ride. Maybe the fresh air will give you some perspective, and we can talk.”

She mounted Pegasus, and they trotted up the road and onto the peaceful trails of Tex’s ranch. As she rode, Karen recounted that her heart had been pounding since her therapist had given her the note about clinic the previous morning. Today, she had to go on display for the doctors and therapists. Their Child Study Team controlled her progress. Her medical and psychological treatment depended on the test results that they gave her, so she had to do her best no matter how she felt.

She said, “I know how these experts think. I’ve been through a clinic and eval at the beginning of the second semester every year since I was five. If they really wanted to help me, they would get me the academic help I need so I can get a decent job when I grow up. But they don’t see me as a person! They see me as a cripple—a lame, maimed, damaged lab rat that’ll never amount to anything. They stigmatize me and discount my goals. They focus on forcing me into their categories and on getting the meeting over as fast as possible. I don’t matter to them until it’s time for a school fund-raiser, and then they put me on stage and brag about how proud they are of me. I feel so helpless! Dr. Lambert keeps trying to get Mama to approve experimental surgery on my right heel cord and on my left wrist. That would make me more symmetrical, but it would ruin my one strong leg. He just wants to collect surgical fees to put his kids through college while ruining my dreams of going myself.”

“We horses are always on display and always being judged!” Pegasus replied with sympathy and a flash of his mane. “Remember that who you are has absolutely nothing to do with how anyone else evaluates you. You alone know what you need and what your potential is. When these experts try to limit you, when they tell you that you cannot do something that your heart says you can, then it’s up to you to reject their discouragement. They think they can impose their adult, professional judgment and will upon you, and that your little girl’s determination will fast dissolve in their fearsome presence, but you can stand up to them. You know the difference between authentic assessment and the circus they put you through. Remember that you thought walking to the carousel and taking a ride by yourself would be too hard for you, but when you tried, you found that you could do it. You can face these experts. Tammy has to go through this too! At least you can fight back.”

“I don’t know if I can find the strength,” Kitten replied. “I only know that I am not broken by my CP, and they should not treat me like I am.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 22, Scene 8: Soothing Music

image of two bars of The Carnival of the Animals

In this scene, little Kitten reflects on her situation and how much she values her friendship with Tammy, as

well as on how important their mothers are to both of them.

(Image of two bars of music from The Carnival of the Animals courtesy of user:Kaptain~commonswiki, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 8: Soothing Music

Returning to her bedroom after independently showering and changing into her pajamas, she listened to the LP of Saint-Saëns’ The Carnival Of Animals that Mama was playing on the record player. She fell into a state of deep relaxation, forgetting everything.

As sleep crept up on her, she cuddled under her covers, a book about carousels and horses in her hands. When her eyes tired, she put down the book and set her alarm for school in the morning. Mama was present for everything, but did not interfere except to turn out the bedside light. She let Kitten conduct her bedtime routine by and for herself.

Now and then thoughts about Tammy popped up in her mind.

Talking to Tammy made me realize I’m not alone anymore. Perhaps there is a chance for both of us to succeed in learning. Thank goodness, we have our mothers to protect us from the experts, even if Mama can’t be there tomorrow.

Inclusive Teaching Techniques for Special Education Teachers

Recently, someone from TExESTest.org contacted me about a resource they put together to help special ed teachers. It is also for people who are thinking of becoming special ed teachers. Here is some info on it, followed by a link to the resource. I also added it to the Whispers of Hope Special Needs Resources page under Resources for Professionals.

About the resource:

To help teachers in their goal of crafting inclusive classrooms that take into account all types of students, we’ve created a guide full of helpful advice and methods all about inclusivity. As special education students do need some accommodations, they can may feel as if they are not fully a part of their classroom, which is something all teachers strive to change. TExESTest.org created a guide to Inclusive Teaching Techniques for Special Education Teachers to provide comprehensive information to future and current educators on the answers they need the most, such as:

A discussion of learning disabilities
The types of classroom accommodations
Techniques for inclusive teaching, such as station teaching, parallel teaching, and universal design
Ways to design a functional and inclusive classroom space

Click here to go directly to the page.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 22, Scene 7: The Waiver

image of old-fashioned oak secretary desk This scene focuses on little Kitten’s memories of how confident she felt a few months before, and how desperately afraid she is now.

(Image courtesy of Cooper Hewitt, Smithsonian Design Museum, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 7: The Waiver

Karen opened the front door and trudged down the hall. The house smelled wonderful, like chicken soup. Stopping by the door to Mama’s bedroom, she saw the waiver forms filed in a pigeonhole above the desk. With a deep sigh, she reflected back to the day near the end of the previous term, when Mrs. Pinzetti had sent her home with the forms.

“Come this way with me, please,” Mrs. Pinzetti had said in her most syrupy voice, as she led Karen into her office. “Signing this waiver will make life easier for your Mama. There’s no need for her to take time off work to attend your clinic and evaluation. Everything we do is routine. Don’t worry about it, Sugar.”

When she brought the waiver home, she was full of confidence. She was twelve, going on thirteen. She had met Pegasus and had him as a mentor and friend. She had given the papers to Mama, and Mama had seemed relieved to get them.

“You’re sure this is okay with you, Krana Layala? You’re sure you can handle the clinic and evaluation on your own? You’re twelve years old, now, so maybe it’s time.”

“Yes, Mama, I can handle anything now, and I’m almost thirteen. Besides, I have Pegasus.”

Bringing her mind back to the present, she thought, If only I had listened when my intuition warned me that Mrs. Pinzetti was being too nice. If only Mama hadn’t signed those papers. If only she hadn’t given up her right to be at the clinic. How am I going to face those experts in white coats, all alone? How am I going to defend myself? I’m only a little girl, but I don’t want to hurt Mama’s feelings by telling her how I feel.

Mama’s warm voice came to her from the kitchen and brought her back into the present. “Krana Layala, are you home? Did I hear you come in?”

Karen tried to answer, but she could not speak. She tried to walk to the kitchen, but her legs would not move. Anxiety paralyzed her. After a moment, she felt her mother’s warm hands on her shoulders. She looked up. Mama’s brown eyes overflowed with tears.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Why are you standing here? Are you okay?”

“I’m very worried about the clinic and evaluation tomorrow.”

“I’ve been thinking about them, too, and I wish I could be there, but I didn’t request time off work. Signing that waiver seemed like the right thing to do a few months ago. We both felt that you could handle anything. Remember?”

“Yes, Mama, I remember, but now I’m not so sure.”

They talked more over dinner, and both got ready for bed full of worry.