The Healing Horse, Ch. 33: Dancing with Gilberto, Scene 1: Dance Togs

photo of jacaranda blossoms against blue sky

Someone once said that clothes make the man, and in this scene, the dance outfit confirms Karen’s growing intuition of her destiny as a dancer.

(Image by Misaochan2, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 1: Dance Togs

Karen opened the car door and stepped out into the front yard of the Topanga Canyon bungalow. The faint, sweet scent of the purple jacaranda blossoms billowing above her filled the air. Like the trees, she would soon burst into bloom.

Mama gave her a big smile and a wink. “Go ahead, my Krana Layala. I know what you want to do. I’ll start dinner, but remember to show me how you look.”

Karen hugged her before scooping up the shopping bag. On its side, bright red letters spelled out Dance Delight. In her bedroom, she laid out the contents on her bed—black leotard, pink tights, shiny new tap shoes.

As she undressed, she carefully pulled her tee shirt over her head without disturbing a single hair in the bun her mother had made that morning. The hairstyle told the world she was a dancer.

One at a time, she slipped her legs into the thick, opaque dance tights. Then she stretched into her leotard, like a cat waking up from a pleasant dream. Finally, she slipped on the black Capezio Mary Jane tap shoes and studied herself in her full-length mirror.

“Oooooohhhhh!”

She stared and could hardly believe the dancer, who looked back into her eyes—almost a prima ballerina.

She twirled to the kitchen, and Mama applauded. “Mazel Tov! It’s the beautiful dancer Karen Lynn!”

They hugged again. “Dinner’s almost ready, my girl. Better change out of those clothes. You don’t want to show up for your first lesson with chicken soup down your front.”

Karen curtsied with a giggle and pirouetted back to her room. From the shopping bag, she took one last item, a small pink suitcase, just big enough to hold her dance togs and shoes.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 32, Scene 4: Becoming Who She Really Is

Photo of bottom of tap dance shoe

In this scene, young Karen tells Mama about the dancer inside of her. It needs to get out.

(Image by Lambtron, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 4: Becoming Who She Really Is

A moment later, the front door crashed open. Mama jumped up from her desk as her usually quiet young Kitten stormed in.

“My Krana Layala, what is wrong? My girl, I’ve never seen you look so upset.”

“Mama, I need to talk to you. Something’s been keeping me awake at night, and I just discussed it with Pegasus. He thought I should talk to you, since this is not only a spiritual problem. It’s a real-world problem for me. I need to become who I really am in the world, and who I really am is a dancer. And I need a dance teacher who can help me train my disabled body to dance. And after I learn to dance, I can share what I know with other disabled girls and boys. There is a dancer inside me, and I will die if this dancer cannot come out. I need a teacher, and I need a teacher now.”

“My daughter, I understand, and truly, the universe is working with us. A moment ago, I spoke with a dance teacher who is not only willing to work with you, but is eager to meet you. He thinks you and he could be great together.”

“Oh Mama! That’s what Pegasus said, that I would meet my dance teacher soon. When do my lessons begin?”

“On Friday. It’s a little late to go shopping, now, but tomorrow I’ll pick you up after school so we can get you some dance togs.”

Karen hugged her and helped fix a big salad for supper.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 32, Scene 3: Mama Finds Al

Photo of coast of Cyprus

Mama listens to her intuition and sticks to her guns. She lets no one discourage her or stop her from doing what’s right for her daughter. Once again, she triumphs. What a great example for young Karen!

(Image by Michal Klajban, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 3: Mama Finds Al

While her Karen was away riding Pegasus, Mama spent several hours on the phone, just as she had when she was looking for a stable for Pegasus. Her head spun with all the different conversations and comments, most of them demoralizing, if not cruel, and all of them arrogant. The horse people had been much humbler and kinder.

“A girl with CP and paralyzed on one side learning to dance? Madam, I moved to Hollywood to teach the stars, not to waste my time on hopeless cases.”

“Problems with perception would make teaching her impossible. I’m sorry, but it’s just out of the question.”

“No. I work only with normal children.” (Click)

If my Krana Layala can learn to ride a horse, she can learn to dance on her own two feet. She would not give up. Then the phone rang. Was it a dance teacher returning one of the many messages she had left? Not even one had called her back.

“Hello?”

“Katie, it’s Patsy. I just have a minute and then I have to run, but you know that dance teacher I heard about, the one I thought might take your Karen? I tracked him down. He’s even close to your house. His name’s Gil Albert, but he likes to be called Gilberto. Here’s his number… I hear he’s real sweet. You should give him a try. Got to go, now. Let me know what happens!”

Mama looked at the number she had written on her notepad with all the other dance studio numbers. She glanced at her watch. She had enough time for a quick call before Karen got home. The last thing she wanted was for her sweet girl to hear how hard it was to find experts in any field willing to work with her. They had both suffered enough from experts. There was just enough time.

She dialed. A woman answered and then connected her.

“Hello, this is Gilberto speaking. How may I help you?” She liked his voice. Crisp but kind.

She did not want to say too much. Just enough to interest him. “I’m calling about dance lessons for my daughter. She’s thirteen and loves dancing. But there are some issues. She has CP and partial paralysis on one side. And she has perception issues that make reading hard. But she’s an expert horseback rider, has a great attitude, and works hard.”

Without a pause, the dance teacher replied with a smile in his voice. “She sounds like my kind of girl. I like kids who work hard to overcome difficulties. Why don’t you bring her around? I’ll put you back to my receptionist so you can make an appointment for a lesson. We’ll give this a try, and I have a feeling it’s going to work out great!”

A few minutes later, Mama hung up the phone. She closed her eyes for a moment as she thought about the name “Gil.” In Hebrew, it meant joy and happiness, and the image of a rainbow above the Pacific appeared in her imagination.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 32, Scene 2: The View from the Crest

photo of santa monica pier at sunset

In this scene, the momentum builds as Karen takes the most important step toward fulfilling her dream—the step of accepting dance as her destiny.

(Image by Boqiang Liao from Athens, Ohio, US, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 2: The View from the Crest

Monday after school, Karen stopped at home only long enough to give her Mama a hug and a kiss before changing into her riding jeans, a red flannel shirt, and her tall Texas boots. She needed to talk with Pegasus.

At the ranch, they made small talk as she saddled her friend and mentor, but once she mounted him, the conversation stopped. They trotted out of the barn and onto a steep trail.

Pegasus gulped for air as they approached a crest above the ocean. “Kitten, I can tell you’re upset by the way you feel on my back. Give me a clue. Maybe I can help. It’s not bullies or sadistic adults at school, again, is it?”

They reached a crest and looked out over the Pacific. Karen took a deep breath before trying to explain.

“No, it’s something deeper, something inside me that needs to get out. Something that needs me to express itself. I need to dance, or something inside me needs to dance. I don’t know which. Whenever I see dancers, my legs move. My body sways. I feel the music inside me. Other people listen, but I am not just listening. It’s more like the music takes over me. It demands that I move, and in ways I haven’t been able to figure. Even if I am paralyzed on one side, I can still move. I can still dance, but I need help, and I’m desperate to find it. I’ve dreamed of becoming a dancer, but this is different. It is not dreamlike at all. It is as if the dancer in me is taking over my life.”

Pegasus took a moment to catch his breath. “My intuition is showing me your teacher. I can feel his presence. He is a little taller than average, of Italian descent, kind and wise. He is near, and you will meet him soon.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 32: Finding Gilberto

Photo of Jackie Gleason with June Taylor Dancers

This scene begins a new chapter in the book and a new chapter in little Karen’s life, as she blossoms into a beautiful young lady and an accomplished dancer.

(Image by CBS-TVUploaded by We hope at en.wikipedia, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 1: The Definitive Moment

Two weeks later, Karen let out a deep sigh as she watched the June Taylor Dancers do their kaleidoscope routine on TV. Saturday night meant The Jackie Gleason Show on CBS and seeing the dancers always made her heart sing. When Jackie came on for his monologue, she did her best to repeat the dancers’ moves. The show continued, but she ignored the antics of Ralph Kramden and his neighbor, Crazy Guggenheim. She wanted to do what the dancers did.

Mama watched from her easy chair. She had noticed Karen’s love of dance from when she was a baby squirming in time to music. When Karen learned to stand, her right foot tapped with the music, and she did her best to dance like the professionals she saw on TV. Karen’s favorite shows all featured dance. She loved Ed Sullivan, Jackie Gleason, and Dean Martin. The Radio City Rockettes were her favorites. And in movies, she could not get enough of Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, and Cyd Charisse. Karen wanted to see every dance concert Mama could afford. Leslie Caron, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Cyd Charisse, Rudolf Nureyev, and Margot Fonteyn were her heroes. She loved every kind of dance, from ballet to modern and tap.

But tonight was different. Karen was growing up and doing things the doctors said she would never do, including an excellent imitation of June Taylor’s dancers.

Why didn’t I think of this before? My Krana Layala has the soul of a dancer, and it’s time for her to manifest it. If she can ride a horse, she can dance!

The Healing Horse, Ch. 31, Scene 4: Reflections on a Shattered Glass

image of spiral of valentine hearts

Love is beautiful, and in this scene, Pegasus and Karen affirm that. Dollars spent or minutes enjoyed together cannot measure it.

(Image by owoPricessPower666, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 4: Reflections on a Shattered Glass

Karen let Mama lead her through the garage and back to the Chevy. She did not say even one word as Mama drove them home. When Karen emerged from the car, she walked through the house to her bedroom. She kicked off her shoes, put on her slippers, and jumped up onto the window seat. She had a lot on her mind.

As soon as she got settled, Pegasus walked up to the window. She rose to her knees and opened it by pushing the latch down with her beautifully disabled arm.

“Hi, Boy. Thanks for coming to visit. I just got home and need to renew myself. Spending the day with Tammy wore me out. She was great, but her sister was something else. Let me tell you what happened…”

Pegasus listened and then spoke from his heart. “Kitten, you learned a lot today. You shared your wisdom with Tammy and gave her your love and support. You were even kind to her sister. And you found you have something valuable to give. Now you understand you can pass on the wisdom I have given you, even in difficult situations. It will be there in reserve for future use. You have inner strength. You have come a long way since the day Claudia bullied you to tears.”

“But what about Tammy and her family? I can’t visit them every day.”

“Tammy knows what love is. She will be all right. But her mother and sister need to learn love flows directly from heart to heart. It does not go by way of clocks and pocketbooks.”

Karen nodded. In her wisdom, she knew exactly what he meant. “Yes, it’s nice to spend time with people you love and buy them nice things, but it’s the love that counts, not the minutes and dollars spent.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 31, Scene 3: Hurricane Sandy

image of wine glass

In this scene, little Karen watches as Tammy, Sandra, and Patsy explode over their unworkable situation. They try to heal, but they need help.

(Image by New England Glass Company, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

Scene 3: Hurricane Sandy

As Sandy stormed out of the room and through the hallway to the kitchen, she worked herself into a rage, and her murmuring became a rave.

“Why can’t Tammy see I have to take over every time Mommy’s not here? It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just that I am not her mother. Besides, I can’t stand being around her all that much. Maybe it’s me, and maybe I just don’t have it inside of me to be that compassionate, but I wasn’t born to be a personal attendant. The thought of being by her side, as she says—of being her dutiful helper—repulses me. How grotesque! It creeps me out. Being with her takes everything out of me. It drives me nuts! I am going to have my own life, and my own life is going to be without her. But what will people think of me if I refuse to care for my disabled sister? What will my friends say? I don’t care what Tammy and Mommy think, but I care what my friends think, and what other people think. My family is too much. I hate the whole situation. I just want to go away to college and never come home again.”

“Sandy, calm down,” Patsy said as Sandra slammed open the kitchen door and stomped in, her eyes fixed on the floor. “Mrs. Hershstein is here visiting me. We heard everything, and you and I should discuss the situation with your sister, but not in front of company. I need to run some errands right after our guests leave, so I need you to stay with Tammy for the afternoon. I hope I can count on you for that. It’s just a few hours, and then I’ll be back, and you can go out and have fun with your friends.”

Sandra’s eyes fixed on the Baccarat glasses beside the sink. She turned away from her mother and picked one up, mesmerized by the crystal, stroking it with her finger, tapping it gently and listening to it ring.

With her eyes on the glass, she whirled and shrieked, “Mommy, I just can’t do this anymore. It’s beyond me. I’m barely sixteen, and I have to be my sister’s attendant? Can’t I just have a life for myself? Besides, I made plans to spend the afternoon with my friends, and I want to show off my new car. I invited them to cruise Wilshire and watch a movie. They are counting on me to drive them. How can you tell me to break my commitment to them?”

Patsy exploded. “Sandy, you are three-and-a-half years older, and you’re not disabled. Have some kind of kindness and compassion! All you think about is yourself, your girlfriends, and what you can get me to buy you. This is your sister, not a stranger! What is she going to do when I die, when you won’t even help her now? You have a responsibility.”

Sandra glared at her mother and shouted, “But Mommy! Tammy always gets her way!”

Patsy erupted. “Don’t but Mommy me! You don’t get it, do you? I wonder if you ever will! Can’t you understand I see through your games! I let you take advantage of me because I love you, but I don’t like the way you act or the person you think you are. You can’t even find it in your heart to help your own mother or sister. This is not about Tammy getting her way. This is about you helping me, instead of being the Cadillac girl running around with your girlfriends all the time. Are they more important than Tammy and me? You need to take some responsibility and help me take care of Tammy!”

Something hard hit the kitchen door, and Tammy rolled through it in her power chair.

With her arms and legs striking out in spasms of emotional pain, Tammy shouted, “Sandy! I never asked you to help me like this. All I ever wanted was to have a sister and to be close to her. Can’t you see you don’t have to provide any help for me? I hate needing this much help. Can’t you see I wish I could do everything for myself, like you? I’ll trade places with you right now. Do you think I enjoy being handicapped? Try it for a day! Try it for a week! Or try it for a month and then tell me how you feel about being disabled and about yourself! Just try having someone else take twenty minutes to get you out of bed and into your clothes. I am not broken! I hate needing help from you or anyone else! I’d trade places with you in a second. Put yourself in my brace and see how it feels! I am not broken! I have C.P., but I am a whole person!”

Sandra froze and trembled. “I can’t stand this anymore!”

She hurled the crystal glass at the floor. The crash of it shattering brought silence to the room. Then Tammy sighed and held up her left hand. A shard of glass had pierced the back, and red blood flowed down her arm to her elbow.

Everyone converged on Tammy. Sandra held the injured hand and burst into tears.

Patsy took the hand and pulled out the triangle of glass. “How could you…”

Tammy remained calm. “Kitten, the drawer right behind you is full of clean dish towels. Can you press one against this, please?”

Karen applied pressure to the wound, and it stopped bleeding. Tammy gave her a big smile.

Patsy hugged Sandra. “I’m sorry. I can see I’ve asked too much of you. You want your own life, and you want to put yourself first in your life, even before your family. I will cancel my plans for the afternoon. Besides, I need to take Tammy to the doctor now, anyway. You can go out with your friends in your new car, and you can cruise Wilshire. And I know you’ve been wanting a TV set for your room, so you can watch your own TV shows and not have to suffer through the ones Tammy or I want to watch. So, I will get one for you. Then, when you absolutely cannot get out of staying home with Tammy, you will have some entertainment of your own, and I won’t have to listen to your arguments about which show to watch! You will have your TV and your car and your life, and we will have ours. And we will all have a little peace in this house. All I ask is for a bit of help with Tammy.”

Patsy put one arm around Tammy. “You girls are all I have left. When I am gone, you will have only each other. It’s a very hard world we live in. It will be a lot harder for the two of you if you can’t learn to get along.”

In the silent room, her words repeated in their minds, again and again. Things would never be the same.

Karen stood silently, heart pounding in sympathy for Patsy and Sandra, but especially for Tammy. She watched as Patsy gave Mama a pleading look. Mama would not approve of rewarding Sandra for misbehaving, but she smiled reassuringly.

“Krana Layala,” Mama said. “You and I should leave now. Mrs. Beaumont needs time to take care of Tammy and Sandra. They all need to heal.”

Karen wrapped her arms around her friend. “Tammy, I will be there for you, and I will see you in school on Monday. Thank you, Mrs. Beaumont, for letting me visit with Tammy today. I hope we can do this again soon.”

She turned to Sandra. “I like your art and your sense of style. Please don’t hold it against me that I am handicapped like Tammy. I am sure that, despite everything, she would still like to be your sister, and I’d still like to be your friend.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 31, Scene 2: Tears and Guilt

photo of coffee percolator

In this scene, the two mothers bond over their love of their children and the tragedies that have shaped their lives.

(Image by Andreaze, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 2: Tears and Guilt

Patsy finished arranging the glasses and sat down with Katie. She made eye contact, and then a few tears flowed.

“Katie, I feel like I’m trapped. No matter what I do, something bad happens. When Tammy was born, Dr. Lambert wanted to send her to Sonoma, and my husband agreed. I refused. As soon as he could find himself an apartment, my husband moved out and filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. I got a smart lawyer and decent alimony, but that was the end of my marriage. I couldn’t let them take Tammy away. Just because she’s disabled doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve a good life. I saved my child, but I lost my husband.”

“Your husband left you. I had no idea.”

“I’m glad he’s gone. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who abandoned his family. What about yours?”

“Oh, he was a mensch. He was wonderful with Karen, but he got killed in a car wreck.”

“Oh, my god. Does she have sisters?”

“No. She’s an only child.”

“So everything’s on you… On the other hand, there’s no sibling rivalry.”

“I noticed Sandra’s attitude…”

“Hard to miss. I’ve tried to give her the best of everything. She sleeps in the master suite and her father, who is not completely out of the picture, gave her a new Cadillac, but she just wants to get through school and go away to college.”

“Cadillacs and college… Sounds better than it could be.”

“Do you know what she said when I drove her to get the car from her dad?” ‘Mommy, this is the first time we’ve had alone together in years.’ I almost cried.”

They sipped their coffee in peace for a few moments, then the sounds of shouting brought them back into the real world of disabilities and sibling rivalries. Katie watched a deep, exasperated grimace grow on Patsy’s face. Even with alimony and a beautiful home, Patsy was crumpling before her eyes.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 31: The Thrown Glass

In the first scene of a new chapter, the two mothers bond, and the crystal glasses foreshadow another explosion.

(Image of Ohrbach’s logo by unknown)

Scene 1: In the Kitchen

Katie admired Patsy’s newly remodeled Mediterranean-style kitchen with its white marble counters and light brown cabinets. She leaned her elbows on the marble island in the middle of the floor. Across from it, near the big farmhouse sink, a small niche set in the wall held a modern electric coffee percolator and other household appliances.

After a few minutes of relaxing alone, the thrum of a car engine in the attached garage came through the kitchen door. It stopped, and a small, broad-shouldered woman hurried in, carrying two large paper sacks of groceries in her muscular arms. Patsy was as tiny as Audrey Hepburn, but strong. She had to be to lift her daughter. She wore her shoulder-length brown hair swept up into a bun, and dressed for comfort in blue jeans and a white knit top. Even in casual clothes, she projected the image of an elegant and successful lady. However, though she and Katie were both in their early forties, she look a decade older. Her twenty-four-hour, seven-day-a-week obligation to her daughter showed in her lined face and the dark circles under her eyes. Katie had never heard her complain about caring for Tammy, but she was grateful her Kitten would never require the same level of care.

Patsy plopped the bags onto the island and wrapped her arms around her new friend in a warm hug. “Katie, how’re you doin’? I didn’t expect to see you here. I thought you were gonna drop off Karen and be on your way.”

Katie had been worried about Tammy bumping into walls, but did not want to imply that Patsy made a poor decision by leaving Sandra in charge. After hearing the girls screaming at each other, she was glad she had stayed. “I thought I should stay in case Karen needed me. She’s not as independent as she looks. Can I help you carry in things?”

“Sure. In the garage.”

A moment later, Katie carried in a large, white shopping bag with the red Ohrbach’s “Oh!!” on its side. Patsy carried in a cardboard carton. Everything went onto the center island.

“What’s in the Ohrbach’s bag?” Katie asked.

“It’s a surprise for Tammy, and a gift for me. I bought it to wear to Tammy’s next PTA meeting. I want her to be proud of me.”

She lifted an elegant, sleeveless oyster white step-in dress up to her chin. Twirling to the left and then to the right, she giggled as Katie applauded and admired the bateau neckline, matching white leather buckled belt at the natural waist, and the straight skirt hemmed just below the knee.

“And these pumps and gloves go with it.” She lifted two cardboard boxes out of the bag and opened them to show off a pair of black shoes and wrist-length gloves.

“You and Tammy will be the belles of the ball.”

“Let me make you some coffee, Katie. I know I can use some. Do you want anything in it? I have cream, sugar, scotch, and bourbon. Personally, I need cream to soothe my stomach ulcer and lots of sugar to keep my energy up. The hard stuff can wait until my girls have gone to bed and are safe for the night.”

They both laughed.

“And I take mine black to keep my svelte figure,” Katie quipped back, as she patted her bulging belly.

While the coffee perked, Katie helped Patsy put away groceries. Within a few minutes, they were sitting side-by-side on sturdy brown leather-upholstered stools at the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Katie said, “You look like you have a lot on your mind, Patsy. Do you want to tell me about it?”

As Katie sipped her coffee, Patsy explained her situation, while carefully taking a set of six Baccarat crystal wine glasses from the box she had carried in. She placed them in a row beside the sink.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 30, Scene 3: Why Can’t They Understand?

image of man lighting fuse on powder keg

In the last scene of Chapter 30, Karen affirms Tammy’s need to express her true feelings… But Sandra continues raging in the background.

(Image by Bonnefoy, Jacques, engraver, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 3: Why Can’t They Understand?

As Sandra stomped down the hallway, Kitten hurried to Tammy’s side. She put her comforting, strong right arm around her. That was when the tears again gushed down Tammy’s face.

“I’m glad my sister left and gave us some privacy. I’ve been putting on a pretty face for my family, but I’m exasperated with telling them what they want to hear. You’re an example, showing me what honest talk is. You’ve taught me how to be honest with myself.”

“Thanks. I know that was hard for you, but if we don’t speak up, people—especially our own families—won’t respect us, and they won’t know how we feel.”

“Darn it, Kitten! Why can’t they understand? Why can’t they see my problem is I have a disability? I am a human being with a disability. I may drool and have a speech defect, and I may need help with everything, but does that imply that every non-disabled person who helps me also gets to control how I feel?”

“No. Of course not. Besides, we must not fear our own feelings, even if they sometimes upset other people.”

Tammy’s tears subsided, and Karen wiped her face with another tissue.

Tammy flashed her a smile. “It’s hard when even your own family says they understand, but they don’t. You try to tell them what you feel, and no one even wants to listen.”

“People who don’t have disabilities can’t comprehend what we go through daily, but you have always held your head high and been strong.”

“Thank you, Kitten. Your belief in me really helps.”

“Many people without disabilities never understand us. And how could they? We have to teach them. We have to become the teachers. Otherwise, the world will never see us as valuable human beings. That’s why we need to be there for each other, like extended family.”

“Kitten, you always express what you believe, gently and directly. This is a genuine gift.”

“Thank you, but we should think of Sandra’s feelings, too. We all need a little of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

“I try. But she’s like a powder keg with a lit fuse…”