To Have and to Hold

I can’t believe that I have been with the same man, now, for twenty years.  Society feeds its disabled son’s and daughter’s the lie that a romantic relationship is impossible.  This convenient lie is designed to endorse a comfortableness that we are to remain docile robots for ever more. However, this is not the case.  This take’s away our own power, makes us less independent or interdependent on our significant other, and it puts our relationship out of balance.

A marriage, like a job, a hobby, or a spiritual belief, is an individual choice.  Many do not feel we are capable of making those choices at all.  We are rather to react to the choices made for us, by our enlightened overseer’s.  I spent many years trying to find a person I wished to be with.   Some men see disabled women as not fully realized, an object off research, rather than a partner.  they may seek someone to mold, rather than love.  With good intension’s, they may even try to manipulate.  It is very important to establish individual autonomy.  Your husband or wife is not a caregiver.  They want to care for you because they love you, but, they should not try to have an agenda for your daily life.  You decide what you wear, what you eat, and the one-hundred  other details of living your life serenely and happily.  With laughter, hope, and harmony.



My dear, sweet Mama Katie, always taught me that when walking down the street with your man, you should feel proud to be with him.  She taught me to show him, and share him with the world.  Those were beloved lessons- Lessons I took to my heart.

I learned these lesson a long time ago, way back in my twenties and thirties.  I learned not to rush anything in my life, to look for the good, and to be positive in everything I say, do and think- I also learned to listen very carefully to those unspoken words that were not said.  I learned to trust my instincts, my intuitive self and inner judgement.  I further learned not to settle for the first guy that came my way, to sweet talk me off my feet.

In looking back on these last twenty-one years of my life, I wonder where all these years went as I still feel young, vibrant, and spry.  I still have a vigor, vim  and vitality for life, and a whole lot more to give.  I see with a reflective eye, and a wise wisdom of experiences, like a fine wine sitting in a decanter waiting to be uncorked.

That’s what twenty-one years with the same man, who said he wanted to dance every dance with me.  We have lived together, sometimes with rough seas, and periods of calm.  All and all it has been worth while and exciting to have a man of truth, honor, and dignity by my side.

One comment on “To Have and to Hold
  1. Sean Dineen says:

    Once again, you remind us all of how valuable true relationships are. You have spent a lifetime, refusing to settle for what experts believed you were capable of. The light you raidate comes off in all parts of your life.
    I thank God, I have had the privledge of being a part of it. To her readers, Karen is everything you could want in a friend.
    A light in a dark world, healing laughter in a worldwind of fear. The living emboidement of our struggle and our joy.

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