The Healing Horse, Chapter 4: Resentment and Reconciliation with Reality, Scene 1

Chapter four is all about the relationship between Kitten and her mother, and how they grow together past a potentially disastrous conflict.

Even though Mama encouraged Karen to walk to the pier, Karen had her doubts as to whether Mama would actually let her do it. She started to think about her own decision on the subject and decided it was too good an opportunity to pass up. She would find a way.

Scene 1: Karen Reflects on Mama’s Suggestion and Feels Resentment

In her room, Karen sat on her bed and thought it over. Even though Mama had said she could go to the pier, she had her doubts about Mama’s sincerity. Mama always told her that she must become independent, but then stopped her from doing everyday chores out of fear about Karen’s handicap. Mama might change her mind about the pier at the last minute.

Why is Mama always doing this to me? Can’t she hear me? Can’t she tell I need to do things for myself? Can’t Mama see my need to grow, and how much I need her encouragement and emotional support? It’s so painful that she can’t understand this. That’s what my need truly is. I feel guilty every time I try to do something on my own, and then it comes across like I’m defying her. I wish she could see that she won’t be here forever. What am I going to do if I can’t cook my meals, tie my shoes, or count my money? What am I going to do then? Am I going to need a keeper? But going to the carousel is too good an opportunity to pass up. It sounds like lots of fun, going to the carousel. I would love to go on the merry-go-round and show myself that I can do this, not just in my dreams, but for real. I know it’s difficult for Mama to let me try things on my own, but I think she sees how important it is for me. I can’t let her down. I need to show her by my actions that I can do this. Then she will trust me more and give me more opportunities.

#cerebralpalsy #inspirational #childhood

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

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