The Healing Horse, Ch. 18, Scene 8: Doubts Return

image of rock surrounded by reflection of clouds in the seaSometimes, even though we have a good perspective on a difficult area in life, we still feel overwhelmed by doubts. We feel isolated and misunderstood. That’s when we need a friend like Pegasus to mentor us. (Image courtesy of Dietmar Rabich / Wikimedia Commons / “Haltern am See, Sythen, Silbersee III 2019 2993” / CC BY-SA 4.0)

Scene 8: Doubts Return

Kitten was mentally and physically tired from thinking about what would happen, when school resumed. She took a deep breath of cool evening air, held it as long as she could, and then slowly exhaled, trying to release the tension that had returned after her insight. Life looked more complicated than it had in the morning.

Under the streetlights that illuminated the sidewalk between her new home and the ranch, she took one careful step at a time. She did not want to trip. On the ranch’s uneven gravel driveway, she picked up both of her feet, especially the left one, which tended to drag. She was grateful but exhausted when she reached the barn, only to find that Pegasus’ stall was empty. After resting a few minutes on a bale of hay, she limped on to the pasture, where she found him grazing under the stars.

Her mentor asked her how she was and why she was visiting after dark. As she replied, her voice trembled and her heart swelled. Her insights filled her with emotion, and her words came with increasing intensity.

“The second semester of school starts next week, Pegasus, and I’m afraid of the experts who will be there. I’m afraid of what they may do to me and my classmates. Twice a year they visit our school, every September and every January, to hold a clinic and recommend treatments. They look at us and our bodies with cold eyes, as if we were things of no value, inanimate objects not living beings, things to be treated with little or no respect. You’d think that with their education and training, they would have compassion for people with disabilities, but at best, they give us sympathy and pity, which we don’t want.

“Wouldn’t it be better if the experts taught us what we need to be healthy, functioning human beings physically, mentally, and emotionally, having a meaning and purpose in life without taking from the government? But, no! They see us as damaged goods and fit only to be institutionalized, locked up, mindlessly watching The Flintstones all day. Maybe somewhere else in the world things are different, but not here and not now.

“What’s more, they always come up with new surgical procedures and want to use us kids in Special Ed like guinea pigs, especially us kids with cerebral palsy and paralysis. That’s why I’m terrified of what these experts will want to do to me. I’ve seen other children go to clinic, get a leave of absence from school, and come back scarred and worse than before they left. I don’t want that to happen to me or to anyone else.”

Pegasus responded in his calm, soothing voice.

“Kitten, there are two things you need to understand. First, you don’t have to go through this alone. None of these procedures can happen without your Mama’s consent. In the past, she succumbed to professional bullying and her own desperation, so she gave in to the whims of the experts, but she won’t, now. She is much more enlightened, now. Second, you can deal with your worries. Be proud of your beautiful disabled body and of your mind. Let go of your negative thoughts, so that the great, motherly spirit of the universe can guide and comfort you. Accept your feelings and worries in the present. You don’t have to think about tomorrow, or anything past this minute. I believe you have come to intuit that. Just take a deep breath and be present. The spirit of the universe will provide you with ways to deal with your problems. I’m right here by your side, Kitten. Nothing is going to harm you. I will help you through this moment and through every other.”

She replied, “Okay, boy, that makes sense. I felt my heart become still and light, as you spoke. You and Mama and the universe itself will get me through this. I don’t have to live with constant fear and worry. You’re the best friend anyone could have. Do you know that?”

“Thank you, but try to remember what I just said. Try to let go of your fears. Think ahead, but keep your thoughts positive. When you fear the future, counteract your fear by thinking of how things could work out for the best. This will change the power of your thoughts from negative to positive, so that they work for you instead of against you. Letting go of worry is not easy, especially when life has taught you to be a little worrier, but you can do it. I will always be here to help you.”

“Okay,” she said, her voice cracking, “I’ll give this my best. The positive spirit of the universe will help us overcome any difficulty. We will grow from the experience. The future is promising, not frightening. Actually, my intuition gave me this insight, this morning, but my doubts had returned. Your words have helped me a lot.”

Original Text ©2021, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

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