Driving With Hand Controls and Maneuvering Confidently

Back when I was in high school, I remember taking a drivers ed class. I was thrilled and nervous because I was going to be able to drive a car just like my mother, and sister, despite my Cerebral Palsy. What a sense of pleasure and excitement it gave me. Taking this huge, step forward in my life, also took my emotions on a roller coaster ride. My stomach fluttered like the wings of a butterfly, . I subconsciously knew this was an enormous, gigantic, and monumental responsibility and a big step for me; especially knowing that I had lost my lower left quadrant of peripheral vision due to my brain damage as a baby.

Although, I also knew getting my license would give me more freedom to get around the city, and to become more independent to do more of the things I’d desired to do. It would allow me to go shopping to buy pretty new clothes, or get my nails done:>))))) , or, even taken care of errands. It would be a high-schoolers dream come true! It would also allow me to soar like an eagle in the sky.

In the beginning, I was taught to drive in a simulated car. This was inside a bungalow where a big screen was set up. It was equipped with hand controls and ready for all students, such as myself, to take a seat and start driving. It was pretty cool. Its almost like the arcade driving games they have today. Anyway’s the instructors were ready for their willing participants to get behind the wheel-so they could teach them all they new about handling a car with care. Thus, the disabled students of Joseph Pomery Widney High school were immediately available to learn.

The first time I took the wheel of the car, it was amazing! I did it with little dough in my heart. I even remember the kind of car it was. It was a white, all electric power Plymouth. It had power windows, power breaks and just too cool for words. And I, Karen, Lynn Hershkowitz, got behind the wheels. I was not intimidated at all. With confidence, I adjusted the seat to my legs and comfort, adjusted my rear view mirrors and off the campus grounds I drove. The instructor told me where to go and I went.

I used my steering knob with ease. It became an extension of how freely I could control my steering wheel with one hand. It enabled me to drive down a straight streets and maneuver corners with ease- Although, I was one of the privileged few to be able to use one; as they became illegal to drivers back in the fifties. Teens back then called then knicker knobs. And they were not made as mine was. They were flimsily, and if someone got their wrist caught inside the mental part of the attachment, it could injured them badly. So only those who were legally told they could use them for assistance did.

One day I was taking a driving lesson, I was driving down Grand Avenue, going towards Angels Hill, when a buss pulled out in front of me forcing me to pull to the left and think quickly. I performed with confidence. And, I was quick, too! I had my foot on that break before the instructor could say a peep! I maneuvered that huge car like I had been driving for years. I proved to the teacher I had quick thinking. I also proved to the instructor that I could carefully move the car to the left with safety.

Making Peace with Your Past

Have you ever been awaken from a deep sleep only to have some experience or thought from the past starring you in the face? Didn’t you think you’d got rid of what ever was haunting you long time ago, or did you just berry them deep within the crevasse of your being?

Well, earlier this morning, I experienced just this- I was forced to look at myself, squarely between my eyes. I was forced to look at these areas of my life that resurfaced again. I was forced to clean house, look at my motives- if any, and finally make peace within myself.

I had to! I had to honestly look at these past experiences and finally find a way to heal- I had glimpse- glimpse that I had a choice. I could either continue to ignore them, and not find a positive resolution to what was hurting me so severely, and deeply within my core and being, or I could resolve them.

I could release these lasting impressions that creped upon my mind time and again for what ever reason they did. I could turn my life and feelings around by facing them. I could release the residue of these past feelings through acceptance. Acceptance could be my road to peace and harmony. Acceptance could be my friend if I let it-

I could let go of the worst, hold on to only the best- and determine to find hope inside my heart and mind- and I could allow it to continue throughout my life.

Reginia Hill says…”Acceptance is the heart’s best defense, love’s greatest asset, and the easiest way to keep believing in yourself and others.”

So that is what I decided!

Yes, my thoughts greeted me today- And, yes, they said …”hello, – But its what I did with those thoughts- Its how I took my feelings, and how I turned my situation around – Its how I allowed my healing process within to begin- And, its how I empowered myself to be more positive- Its how I decided to think differently- and how I decided to change for the better!

Yes, It’s not easy! Although, I’ve learned, that admitting my problems to myself is a whole lot easier and less painful than denying it to myself. It is so much easier to accept that a long time ago such and such was done and said, and, that I was not to happy or impressed with how I handled the situation at hand.

But, its how I decide to deal with it. Its how I decide to use this given opportunity to my fullest potential!… it’s how I can make and turn this particular situation around! Its how I can make it feel right within the core of my being- Its through the learning and accepting that makes me feel whole and complete again- It’s not about tearing myself down or apart for not say the right thing at the right, given moment- Its about being gentle with myself and making peace with myself through acceptance.

Well, this morning I awoke that way, and have not been able to sleep since. I woke up only to realize I had some very important business to take care of. I realized that I better do some more homework on myself- I realized that I had some very important mental and emotional housekeeping to do- I realized that I better start dissolving and liquefy the cobwebs lurking in my mind so that I could go forth in peace and harmony.

What Help’s You to Smile and Be Happy?

For the past two weeks, I have been facing many effaceable emotions. They have been as deep, and as painful as I can ever remember. However, I kept reaching out for something that would soothe my soul. Something that was positive, something that was touchable, that could and would bring me physical warmth, and a feeling of safety, and something tangible that would help me have something to recognize, release, and also would help me recharge my battery – It had to be something calming that could make me feel better, within; something that would bring peace to my heart-

It had to be something that would make me feel better quickly! Something that would ease my pain, and something that would bring me hope to remember the good things about me, my life, and what I knew was right on! It had to be like turning on a light switch- something that would immediately help me to recognize my worth, my meaning as a human being, and all that I went through was not in vain.

You see, I was very down and depressed because my thoughts and feelings were not being considered or taken into consideration by immediate family members. And this blew me away as I think of everyone- every one!

I talked with two of my dearest and closet friends, and while it helped, it did not solve or take away all the pain I was facing.

Then a week later, about two days ago, I heard a song that my dear, mama would sing to me as a child. We would sit together as the music and lyrics played. We would weep through the whole song with the truth that these lyrics spoke.

This is just one of many of my simple ingredients that continually makes me smile and feel blessed with my life!

The song was “Smile” and it was written by Charles Chaplin Jr.. In his lyric’s he says…

“smile, through your heart is aching, smile, even though its breaking, when there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by, if you smile through your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come shining through for you. Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness, although a tear may be ever so near, that’s the time you must keep on trying, smile what’s the use of crying, you’ll find that life is still worth while if you just smile…”

As I heard these words, my pain and sorrow melted. My reason, faith, and hope returned, and I was back on track being my beautiful, self once again.

Children’s Hospital

This past weekend, I went to visit my great niece in the hospital. She had a ruptured appendix, and was told to go straight to Rady’s Children’s Hospital of San Diego. So Sunday, around 11:30 in the morning, my husband and I took a two hour drive up there. The traffic was surprisingly good. We did not hit any snags in the road, or get tangled up in any bumper to bumper 15 to 30 minute traffic jams or clogged arteries.

It was the second day that I really began to walk longer distance with my sprained ankle, bare full weight on my foot, and wear tennis shoes. My tendons were stretched to the gill, but It felt good getting out of the house, giving of my own self, and, giving love to someone else who really needed the comfort and care of someone elses concern.

It made me feel wonderful inside going out of my way! It made me also feel wonderful inside that I could give of myself so freely- And, it felt even better being able to give pure unconditional support to a loved one who’s parents could not be their on this particular day.

When I walked through the sliding glass doors, I was suddenly thrown back in time. I was in a time wrap, where I could recall specific events that took place. I was a little, 18 month old child, all over again, yet it was 2008. Being in the hospital made me feel warm and safe. It made me remember my physical therapist. It made me think of how the hospital has grown; as well as gave me glimpses of my past and things to be most grateful for.

Know matter how much I tried to stay in the present moment, when ever there were silent periods of time, I couldn’t stop recalling the time I spent in the Los Angeles Children’s hospital.

Feeding Time

Every morning around 7 a.m. I am awaken by my loving furry friends. It is either Patches kissing me on the face, my sweet Siamese wanting to snuggle under the blankie’s, on mama’s chest, or my recent striped 6 month old, tabby, Cleopatra, nibbling on my hair.

What’s a mama to do when she has a bunch of hungry babies whining ? She immediately goes and feed them! So I get out of bed, get dressed, wash my face, make my bed, and head towards the kitchen. But before I reach there, I usually make a stop, to clean there messy litter box out.

While scooping out their business, I am surrounded by two kitty’s and a heeler/terrier singing to me, to hurry up! When I finally reach the kitchen, I am greeted, by a Siamese cat, Angel, who is hiding in the pantry, because she has learned to open the pantry door by herself, where her food is kept.

I pull out their big plastic containers, where I keep their healthy,organic, dry and wet food, along with their vitamins. I begin the process by trying to dish the food out to them. Some days are better than others, but on most days; I am bombarded by two kitties, who try and snatch a taste of there food before it’s ready. So patiently, one by one, I keep putting them down on the floor, only to rush to get some dry and some wet food in their separate dishes before it is eaten up in one gulp! Finally, after two or three go around’s of taking them off the counter top where they eat, I get it- All their food is plated up, and one by one I can feed them all:>)

Returning to My Untapped Roots

My readers are probably wondering what happen to the gal at Whispers of Hope who write’s those down to earth, heavy, right on, articles? Well, this girl has been busy at work in all areas of her life. I have been busy making myself healthy and whole, along with traveling and gathering information to write more amazing articles for you; as well as working towards new opportunities in public speaking.

I spent the last ten days at sea, seeing the sea of Cortez and the gulf of Mexico. In spite of falling at our last port, Puerto Vallarta, and twisting my ankle, my husband Chris and I were able to see much of Mexico and the way people live.

Despite the poverty I saw, I saw something that really touched my heart. I saw a commitment to man kind that is rarely seen in our United States today. Despite how poor these individuals are, there is still the genuine care and concern about others.

I saw it first hand with me. While crossing the cobble stone streets in Puerto Vallarta, Cars stopped abruptly to wail till I stood up safely. That probably would not of happened in our county. Even when I was a little girl of four, I was not only knocked down by a screaming stampede of five, six, seven, and eight year olds; running like cattle to win a treasure hunt, but I ended up with cuts and scrapes, a locked full length leg brace and a stretch out stepped on body and pancake hands.

I have always believed that people who are struggling understand our situation better then those who never had to struggle a day in there lives. My own experiences have reinforced that which I am learning.

Peering Eyes Watching

When I sit quietly, and think over my life, as a rebel, advocate, and activist with a cause, I remember certain residue of the most frustrating aspect of dealing with my own disability. These remains have been the left over hurt and pain that were caused by the “attention of self styled experts” and people who wanted and had to have control at all cost.

Having been brought up to believe in the truth and goodness in man kind, I was won over, persuaded, and convinced by these so called experts, in the disabled community. These experts exercised restrained management to try and run other peoples lives, and have complete control and say so over our destination, despite what I truly believed was right for me, in my heart.

These experts tried on numerous occasions to impose their authority, their supremacy, and their power in many areas of my life. I personally had to struggle and fight back with everything I had, to ward off their arrogance in obtaining my education as well as in employment. Sometimes, I simply was not taken seriously or sincerely by both experts and those I worked with. My word was not regarded or deemed worthy.

For example, I was falsely labeled mentally retarded on three separate occasions. This was designed to force me to except what one particular expert wanted me to limit my life to. He believed himself to know “all” about what he felt I shouldn’t be allowed to do with “my” life. His opinions were designed around a very old fashioned, out-moded, and passé, concept of what we, with hidden learning disabilities, were supposed to theoretically do. We were sentenced to live life in a workshop setting. We were beaten and battered down to believe that, that was all we were able to handle and receive out of life.

What was even more frustrating was that this gentleman could not work himself without having an interpreter by his side. Who was he to tell me what my dreams and goals aught to be, or how I should direct my live. And, how dear he tell me where my interest lie!

So, the very person who should have been the most supportive, helpful, and kind to me, turned out to be the greatest obstacle of all. One situation at a time he impeded, held me back, and obstructed my future academic progress. It was not

only very irritating, infuriating, and exasperating to have to waste time being evaluated and judged severely, but it limited my future work.

This arrogant, haughty, disturbing attitude was shared by others too! Some of then where people I worked with. You would think it would be different. But this was not the case- as I found out this attitude was everywhere! They assumed that simply because they did not have a visible disability they had every right to make fun of me, belittle me, and minimize my contribution to myself, my life, others, and the world.

Some people refused to allow me to work as I chose and saw fit. They did not wish me to be an equal and productive person in society. These professionals found every way possible to discredit my abilities, my talents, and my aptitude of skills. I had to personally find clever and survival oriented techniques to persuade not only the experts, but those clients I worked with to make an effort to follow instructions.

These struggles resulted from the same attitude which doesn’t grasp our full potential and abilities. I think the greatest thing we can do as a community is to be committed to one another, help in any way we can, and have an active directed life-style. We must retain the right to express our own vision to the world in our own creative, original, genuine way. It is also very vital that we as disabled people are supportive of our own community, and all their dreams, wants, and desires.

Because of my situation, I have been thoroughly committed to giving back all of what I never received from these “helpful” counselors. In every jagged, angle of my journey, I have sought to be a voice when there was no voice for the unheard among us. All of us, in our own special way, ought to find it within the depths of our beings, to give unconditionally, unreservedly, and completely to our total cause. It will harm and hamper many if given with half-measures or haphazardly.

It is truly annoying to think of how much time we all must spend getting around a system that does not work. It wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t see stubbornness so many show. The issue is no longer what is best for our own goals, but rather, how to impose the expert’s viewpoint and will upon us. We have the right as children of God, and citizens of a free country, to run our own lives. That must include the right to make mistakes, and learn from them. Our “friendly” experts think they are giving us a better life, but it is too often a comfortable slavery. They do not see with our eyes, and feel with our hearts, nor do they talk the same language as we. Like Sara in “children of a lesser God,” we must retain our will. That may be disconcerting to the normal community, but it is preferable to a life-time spent waiting to be told what to do, or fighting a system that just does not work.

To Have and to Hold

I can’t believe that I have been with the same man, now, for twenty years. Society feeds its disabled son’s and daughter’s the lie that a romantic relationship is impossible. This convenient lie is designed to endorse a comfortableness that we are to remain docile robots for ever more. However, this is not the case. This take’s away our own power, makes us less independent or interdependent on our significant other, and it puts our relationship out of balance.

A marriage, like a job, a hobby, or a spiritual belief, is an individual choice. Many do not feel we are capable of making those choices at all. We are rather to react to the choices made for us, by our enlightened overseer’s. I spent many years trying to find a person I wished to be with. Some men see disabled women as not fully realized, an object off research, rather than a partner. they may seek someone to mold, rather than love. With good intension’s, they may even try to manipulate. It is very important to establish individual autonomy. Your husband or wife is not a caregiver. They want to care for you because they love you, but, they should not try to have an agenda for your daily life. You decide what you wear, what you eat, and the one-hundred other details of living your life serenely and happily. With laughter, hope, and harmony.

My dear, sweet Mama Katie, always taught me that when walking down the street with your man, you should feel proud to be with him. She taught me to show him, and share him with the world. Those were beloved lessons- Lessons I took to my heart.

I learned these lesson a long time ago, way back in my twenties and thirties. I learned not to rush anything in my life, to look for the good, and to be positive in everything I say, do and think- I also learned to listen very carefully to those unspoken words that were not said. I learned to trust my instincts, my intuitive self and inner judgement. I further learned not to settle for the first guy that came my way, to sweet talk me off my feet.

In looking back on these last twenty-one years of my life, I wonder where all these years went as I still feel young, vibrant, and spry. I still have a vigor, vim and vitality for life, and a whole lot more to give. I see with a reflective eye, and a wise wisdom of experiences, like a fine wine sitting in a decanter waiting to be uncorked.

That’s what twenty-one years with the same man, who said he wanted to dance every dance with me. We have lived together, sometimes with rough seas, and periods of calm. All and all it has been worth while and exciting to have a man of truth, honor, and dignity by my side.

My Red Desoto

Just a few weeks ago, I began cycling again, after having toe surgery. It felt so good getting decked out in my biking outfit, and riding down the tree covered streets once again, My husband, Chris, helped me attach my helmet strap, my glove strap, and my feet onto my shoe pedals. And I was good to go-

Who says people with Cerebral Palsy can’t do the same kind of activities as “normal” people do!

I remember the first time I ever got onto a bike. That was back when I was only 8 years old. It was something I only did one time, yet I knew that that was something I’d like to do again if given the chance.

I knew some how, some way, in the depths of my heart, I could do it. All I needed was a little help, from a kind hearted someone. I also knew that all I needed was help with a few technicality’s (like bucking my foot to keep it in place, so it would not move, and protection on my head and hands.) Then, I could ride my bike like any one else- I would then be able to go any where I wanted and ride as fast as the wind would take me. This joyful activity would give me more freedom. It would be yet another way to worked my body out. And, it would bring me much pleasure, contentment, and loads of fun- I knew that if I could get this worked out, then I could do it. There was no question or doubt in my mind. I knew some how, some way, this opportunity would arise again if I stayed positive and focused.

I kept these thought in my mind, till one day, when my husband came home with a surprise gift for me. Chris told me to come out side with him for a minute. So I did. I remember looking up, and there down the driveway was sitting a blue bicycle next to our car. That was about 13 years ago. While standing there and gasping with utter amazement, my heart skipped a beat. I was truly surprised. I was elated, and ecstatically happy. My dream had come true! This gift, was a cherished hope, and a thought of a real possibility, that I too would accomplish one day. Somehow, I kept these thoughts alive in my being until that one, special day, it all come true! It was a quiet prayer and hope that was answered; as I only made mentioned of it once. My husband made this dream come true for me. How special is that! He also made me feel very loved as he made me a very happy girl! However, it is not the bike you see in the pictures here.

The first bike was blue, and sat much higher. When I would ride down hills, it made me feel very insecure, so, one Saturday afternoon, Chris, and I went looking for new ones. We looked in a few bicycle store’s, and then, at the last shop, which was near our house, I found this perfect, beautiful, red Desoto . It was all mine and I was going to take it home with me-

Now, after all these years, I am still riding it and keeping it very shiny with TLC. Chris has made some pedal modifications, too! These modifications help me to petal faster, as well as keeps my foot on. I no longer have to call my hubby every few minutes to fix my foot, and I have more power to push and pull. This helps tremendously when I am on a hill, stop light, or just want to go faster. My foot does not slip out of the strap, either any more- I can tell you honestly, that I feel very secure with my bike, and, I love and adore riding it.

Even though I need some help in order to go biking, I welcome every opportunity I get. It is not only a treat, but something I enjoyed tremendously. It keeps me fit, trim and in shape, and more than that, it free’s my spirit. It makes me feel like a a kid again! I can do what everybody else does. And, It make me feel vibrant and alive! It energizes me,

What’s more, I can visually picture me now, riding along side all the other children in my neighborhood that I would watch joyfully riding down the streets with this carefree, exuberance. Now instead of feeling left out, it has helped made me feel complete… I get lots of smiles and thumbs-up from other cyclist, too!

Now, all I have to do is ask my hubby if he wants to go for a cycle, and off we go! We take my Healer/ Terrier mix breed dog, Patches, for her run as well. It couldn’t be more fun. She runs about a mile with daddy and then rides the rest of the way with me, mommy:>) Lately, we have been doing a lot more riding since gasoline prices have risen. We cycle well over 3 miles one way to our open air market to get our fresh fruits and veggies on Saturday mornings. While other times, we have taken our bikes to the strand, in Redondo Beach, California, and rode all the way to Marina Del Ray, and back. Still other times, we’ve packed our bikes up in the truck, drove to a particular point, unload our two and three wheelers from our vehicle, and off we ride- Last time, we petaled from Venice Beach, CA. all the way to the Santa Monica pair.

During the summer months, Chris and I pack up our brown bag of goodies, and have an ocean front view of the water; while eating our lunch or dinner to the sweet crashing sounds of the waves. We have enjoyed many a meal with the gentle,sea breeze blowing its currents ever so sweetly upon our face.

You couldn’t ask for anything better than that, can you!

Advocacy Development

Since I began to deal with the obstacles inherent in having a disability, I have taken many paths in advocating for myself and those I care about. One of the most rewarding directions I’ve taken was when I served as a fitness instructor for people with and without disabilities. People didn’t realize how much their bodies were capable of accomplishing. So, in each and every class I taught, I empowered my students with my “I can do” attitude. I tried to make each class very enjoyable and carefree. In retaliation, my students in the adaptive aerobics class would take the time to playfully batter with me as I counted out the number of repetitive repetitions to the exercise movement we were doing to the rhythm of the music. They found much amusement and light-heartedness in trying to pull one over on me.

In my private work, I have been a part of helping many clients grow and develop not only their physical abilities with their specific limitations, but , I have witnessed their self-confidence and awareness soar. Despite my so called barriers, I have found a way to rise above and conquer and share. I have found ways not only to encourage and inspire, but to feel very grateful myself.

Thanks to my dance teacher, Al Gilbert, and my dear mama, I have been able to rise above many stumbling blocks and give of myself in ways no one else has. It has been a sincere gift to be able to use what I learned throughout the many years of my life, in dance, aerobics, and physical therapy, and give to others unconditionally. These life giving lessons have shown me that having this disability of Cerebral Palsy has not only helped me to develop myself, as a person, teacher, mentor, advocate, published author, but help others in ways no one else might be able to or admit to.

My disability, and its so called inherent disadvantage or weakness, however you want to call it has really turned out to be a blessing in disguise.