Reflections of My Heart: Darkened Seas

Once again, I coped with the blows of life, the inability to make my dreams happen.

It was 1984, not the novel but the year, but just as gloomy as the book. The gray sea expressed how I felt inwardly. As I watched the sun set over Santa Monica Bay, a storm’s fury filled me with a terror and petrified me with its roar.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. When I opened them and looked out over the sea, I knew I had to face my own rage at the subtle discrimination, at the words that patronized and tricked me. I had to rise, conquer, and stand tall through this misery.

I had to face adversity not only in the world around me, but in my heart and soul. I reached deep within myself and remained proud of who I was and what I had accomplished. Cruel condescension would not get the best of me. Holding up my shield of bravery, I became a warrior within myself once again. I refused to react negatively to the so-called experts’ callus indifference. From its sheath, I pulled my voice like a sword. Wrapped in my dignity and pride, I held my head up against their spiteful messages.

At that moment, the sea stilled, and its vicious roar became a meek breath.

Today, this warrior spirit continues to reinforce my strength and open my eyes to new wisdom for how to deal with my life and this world.

My body continues to grow stronger, and I eat foods I was once allergic to and that help my body heal.

Let me mention a book that has helped me, Smart Blood Sugar, by Dr. Marlene Merritt. Just because you have diabetes in your family does not mean you have to get it too!

If I can do it, you can do it, too!

Want some smart advice about how to beat diabetes, even if it runs rampant in your family? Check out the book that brought my diabetes under control!

Smart Blood Sugar Book by Marlene Merritt

And on to our poem:

DARKENED SEAS

The dark, gray sea
Moved with terror,
Slowing its
Vicious arms to
A meek and gentle breath
Now, it reaches out to sunny shores
To strengthen her disfigured body.

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Crying Rain

Photo of Grauman's Chinese Theatre in 1964

I wrote this haiku, back in 1984.

It was a weekend, after studying. We were at my home in West Hollywood this time. Since Robert and I both loved walking in the gentle rain, and it was only a five-minute drive from my house, we took a break. We parked near my sister’s house and started walking the two blocks toward Hollywood Boulevard, where the foot and handprints of the old-time movie stars are set in cement in front of the famous Grauman’s Chinese Theater, so iconic, near where so many beautiful homes were built.

As we walked, I felt the gentle, crying rain coming down upon me… upon my body. And before we got to the theater, the soft rain, literally, spiritually and physically, swept away all the hurt and emotional pain I was feeling, leaving a part of me and my invisible footprints there in the wandering hills to lie at peace within myself, and to be at rest if only for a moment.

CRYING RAIN

The rain cried softly
And left only wet footprints
Wandering the hills

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Crossing Boundaries

I wrote this poem for a friend of over twenty years. Then his life became consumed with trouble and he disappeared.

He could not allow me to comfort him or give him support.

Then one day, four years ago, when I broke my right wrist and had surgery, I heard from him.

I was willing to help him, just like all my other friends, but he could not accept my help.

Nothing for me to do but accept, like always. I said an affirmation. I forgave him and sent him love and light to comfort him.

I tried to stay in touch with him with weekly messages. We talked, but he faded out, then came back. Finally, just like with all these other so-called friends, I was not going to sell my soul for unhealthiness in my life. So I let go with love.

One last really important thing. There were many moments when I felt I was being used by him… It was when he wanted to talk. When it was convenient for him. Otherwise, no communication.

CROSSING BOUNDARIES

When someone cares

About a friend,

They cross boundaries that

No one else can see

They will do anything to help.

To reach out,

To lend a helping hand.

Can’t you see that, my dear, dear friend?

Can’t you see that there is someone who really, honestly cares?

Can’t you see my human heart skipping a beat?

It soars into the spectacular skies.

It swims with fervor and fury.

It races to reach the dauntless finish line

With the tick-tock of time

Rushing by,

Wishing and hoping to just be in time

Yes, I care. I truly care.

With my heart, With my soul

With the purity of transcending oceans,

And rivers, and lakes,

Flowing ever so sweetly

To touch your life

Will you let me?

Will you respond to me?

Will you reach out to me?

Like melting snow on a crisp spring day

Like the daybreak of the day’s sun

Shimmering with its gentle glow

Like the ebb and flow of our tide

I hope so. I really do

I care for you and love you,

Just because you are you,

Because you are my friend,

And, Because you mean so much to me!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Coverlet

While in college, I read Wenonah’s Blanket by Peggy Elaine Browning, about a coverlet that kept people safe from hurt and harm. The story warmed my heart, and after reading it, every time I went though a life-altering experience, I visualized my own special coverlet protecting me. And it did. My stress level lessened and my fearlessness took over. I became stronger and more secure. Then, one afternoon, while sitting at my desk, I said to myself, ”I should write about my comforter, and this is what I wrote…”

COVERLET

This blanket is a coverlet
That protects us from the cold. It comforts us,
And shields us,
Safeguarding our every stride.

But then the time will come
When only you can define
Your own being
And its rhyme

So take your hand,
And use your guiding voice,
And walk peacefully, once again!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Convicted

One day, back in 1983, I drove alone in my car from college back to home. This was months after I began writing my life’s story. At the time, I called it The Broken Hoof, and when I finished, it won a creative writing prize. Now, it’s The Healing Horse. I have published it as a series of posts on my blog and intend to bring it out as a book soon. Stay tuned for updates on that.

But back to 1983. As I drove, a realization came over me—how far I had come. No longer did I hear the rhythm of iambic pentameter, of metered line and cadence in the footsteps my brace and I took through my young girl’s life, a reminder of who I was and always will be.

CONVICTED

Like a locked-up prisoner

Caged in her own cell, she moves

In a syncopated rhythm

With her barred-up shoes

From a childhood illness

And with these chains, she is sentenced to

A paralyzed left arm and leg

Which drags along her side

Waiting to be freed!

I am still the same person with the same values and aspirations, but I walk on my own, no brace needed. If you want to read the story of how I got rid of the brace, jump into it here:

The Healing Horse, Ch. 37: Giving Away the Brace

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Constellations

One night, a violet star illuminated the sky above me.

It shone brilliantly and honestly, a bright light that guided me as I took action and made myself into me, the person no one saw.

It guided me into taking the actions I had to take to make me the person no one saw, and it guided me as I became the person everyone saw and applauded.

CONSTELLATIONS

The tears of emptiness
Dropped down my face
With a violet star
Striking me with its grace!

It glistened brightly
With its
Illuminating light
Calling me
To the constellation’s
Continuous flight.

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Circle of Friends

I wrote this poem to a dear friend. He was the first person, in a long time, to hear my call, to take me under his wing, and to help me shine.

He was true. He did not spout words and then give me the brush off. Sincere help was what I needed, and he gave it. I could trust his words.

images of words

He gave me a purpose to continue dreaming and making something more of myself, rather than rotting away.

He continues helping me make my impossible dreams possible. As part of my circle of true blues, who care and help, he earned a place on my list of lifelong friends. He made me smile when I cried my heart out and gave me hope that empowered me. Above all, he helped me keep alive my dream of helping others and giving to the world.

That and more.

Perhaps you have someone like that in your life. Feel free to share in the comments.

CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

Welcome to my circle of friends!
Where your friendship means the world to me
Where friendships are made from the heart
And felt with the heart. Where friendships are created
From the depth of our very being
Where friendships smile from within out
And where a kind and honest word means something

You, my friend,
Are all that, and more
You came to me as an answer to my prayer
You came to me from the angels watching over me
You came to me with a divine presence to give
To all

You, my friend, radiate sunlight
With each sincere word you speak.

You, my friend,
Are a joy to spend time with
You know how to laugh,
Smile, and create happy moments
For others.

You, my friend,
Are a fine example of truth and hope
That is why I welcome you
To my circle of friends!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Crashing

Photo of mother blue bird feeding her baby

When I wrote this poem, I was taking another walk, about 11:30 in the morning, down a tree-lined street in West Hollywood, California. The towering trees were beautiful. I’m sorry I don’t know what kind they were.

Lost in thought and worry, the sight of a baby sparrow falling from its nest to its death brought me back to reality. That broken body on the sidewalk could have been me. If I hadn’t had the mother I did, I would have been tossed out to die after I got the DPT shot and cerebral palsy.

Realizing this empowered me to see beyond my complaints and feel more grateful for my life and the mama who raised, cared for, and loved me for who I was. She gave me a foundation for living my life.

CRASHING

In the midday sun,
A small bird fell from its nest~
Crashing to its death!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: City Walls

image of sparrows sitting on a wall

Back in the 70s and 80s, I was just a CP person with pipe dreams, a rebel with a cause, but with no one beside me, except for my dance teacher Al Gilbert and my friend Robert. Like the birds in the poem, I was nowhere to be seen. Like most people with disabilities, I was invisible in our society.

The chirping I heard sang the same melody I heard in my heart. I knew what I had to do. Whether or not anyone wanted to help me, I would do everything in my power to climb out of the quicksand of labeling and discrimination.

Within the well of my being, I knew that if anyone at all gave me the tiniest bit of help, just a hand up, I could move forward at that crucial time in life.

I had to keep speaking up and never acquiesce to these negative life experiences of being ignored. They would alter my life for the worst. Not just for the worse, but for the worst.

To accept this, I had to make a huge decision to change not only my belief structure, but my mind-set, my attitude, and how I looked at life.

The chirping was a calling. Those lonely birds sang to me, and I heeded their call. I sang back to them. And I sing still to this day.

CITY WALLS

Nowhere to be seen
I hear lonely birds chirping
Within city walls…

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Cherished Symphony

Image of musical notation scale

I thought I had found someone who saw life like I did, and that inspired this poem. But once again, it was a lesson for my inner self. These precious moments were for me to see the type of person I was and who I was becoming. And they were for me alone. The men who came into my life taught me I was deeper than them. That I was kind and honest, and that I couldn’t and wouldn’t settle for less in them. That I deserved more. I deserved to be cherished and to cherish myself. At that moment, I knew. And I have kept that realization close to my heart ever since.

CHERISHED SYMPHONY

Oh, how I ponder
The thought of your sweet, tender
Symphony playing ever so sweetly
In my thoughts and mind.

They sing so sweetly with every chord
I listen carefully, I Hear, And I know
That our moments are forever moments
That will soon be cherished through time.

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Reflections of My Heart: Darkened Seas

Reflections of My Heart: Crying Rain

Reflections of My Heart: Crossing Boundaries

Reflections of My Heart: Coverlet

Reflections of My Heart: Convicted

Reflections of My Heart: Constellations

Reflections of My Heart: Circle of Friends

Reflections of My Heart: Crashing

Reflections of My Heart: City Walls

Reflections of My Heart: Cherished Symphony

Inspiration and Hope for People with Cerebral Palsy and Learning Disabilities

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