The Healing Horse, Ch. 19., Scene 7: On the Mat

image of Statue of Liberty with fireworks

Happy New Year, everyone. This has been a big year for me (Karen Lynn) and for Whispers of Hope. We now get almost 6,000 visits to the website, monthly. The count is growing, too! So, my message of hope in the face of reality for those of us with disabilities is getting out there, and that is wonderful for me! (Image courtesy of Kuldeep, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

In today’s post, little Kitten (that was me) is tortured by a sadistic physical therapist, and all under the auspices of a school district. As Stan Lee said, “Nuff said…”

Scene 7: On the Mat

“Karen, have a seat on the gray mat. We have a lot to do, today,” Mrs. Schmidt said with a sneer. “And please remember to remove your shoes.”

Karen looked at Mrs. Schmidt with a neutral expression, as if she had heard nothing from the hallway. She ignored the implied insult that she could not remember to remove her shoes before stepping onto the mat. Thick and gray, it rested on a wooden platform, three inches above the floor and a yard from the door. Karen sat and removed her James and Williams high-top brace shoes. After coming to Mrs. Schmidt for a month and a half, she knew what would happen, next, and that she would come out of the therapy session feeling like a half-ton pickup truck that had been hit by a thousand-ton locomotive.

Without looking up, Karen slipped off her brace and right high-top shoe, and then lay down on her back. Mrs. Schmidt sat down hard beside her. Karen noticed that Mrs. Schmidt always left her own shoes on. Perhaps the laced, two-inch heels were hard for her to get off and on, or perhaps wearing them gave her a sense of power.

Mrs. Schmidt straightened one of her own legs, and then grasped Karen’s disabled left hand. After pulling Karen’s arm as straight as she could, she placed Karen’s elbow on her thigh. Using her thigh as a fulcrum, she pressed down on Karen’s wrist, forcing Karen’s elbow to straighten all the way, and then bending the left wrist and fingers back to hyper-extend them.

“Oh, boy!” Karen said softly, in a tone of mock eagerness, then, “Ouch! That hurts! Can you be a little gentler with me, please?”

Mrs. Schmidt smiled in her hard way and looked Karen in the eye.

“You cannot always have your way, my dear girl! Life is about dealing with pain. You have to learn how to handle it, sometime. You’ve been sheltered too much. You have not lived a life like mine. Once, I was a child, too, and I saw people destroyed because they were handicapped or weak.”

“Really,” Karen replied in a sympathetic tone. Mama had told her about the Nazis killing handicapped people as well as Jews, so she knew she would have been at the top of the list for the concentration camps.

“Ja! I learned the hard way how the real world works.”

For a moment, Mrs. Schmidt’s voice had softened, and Karen thought she might have reached her emotionally, but then Mrs. Schmidt loaded on more pressure.

Kitten’s left arm felt like a coiled spring being unwound. Other therapists had extended it slowly with little discomfort, but Mrs. Schmidt stretched it quickly and held it straight. Karen forced herself to count the seconds of the three minutes she knew Mrs. Schmidt would hold it straight. Her bicep and elbow burned and stung even after Mrs. Schmidt let go.

“Karen, you are not cooperating with me, today,” Mrs. Schmidt said, her voice hard, again. “I cannot do any more for you with that exercise. Get onto all fours so I can hyperextend your elbow and arrange your fingers from another angle. They look very curled, today. Hurry up! I cannot understand what takes you so long. You are wasting my time. I cannot wait until you are ready. This session is taking too long. I am due for my coffee and cigarette, and I cannot have them until we finish your program. Hurry up, or I’ll report you to Dr. Lambert for not cooperating with your prescribed treatment.”

Kitten stayed quiet and thought about Mrs. Schmidt’s background, as she eased herself into position. Mrs. Schmidt immediately slammed a sandbag onto her left wrist and held it down while forcing the elbow to bend the wrong way and prying the bent fingers straight.

“Ow! Don’t you care that you’re hurting me?” Karen moaned.

“Karen, you must accept your limitations. You must accept that I am being a little rough because your treatment must be like this. If it is not, then it will not be effective. This is the only way your arm and wrist will straighten out. This is the only way to improve their function. You have to toughen up. My job is to help you get tough, even if it hurts a little.”

Karen twisted her neck to look up at Mrs. Schmidt, but found herself stared down by the PT’s angry gaze. She felt rage touch her as the therapist ran her eyes up and down Kitten’s body, glaring particularly hard at the disabled left side. Karen looked toward Mrs. DeLuca, who was working with another student on the other side of the room, but who refused to meet her eyes. The student looked back with sympathy as Mrs. DeLuca gently worked on her, but as a disabled child, she was afraid to speak up. Kitten did not want to cry, so she said nothing.

“I have created this stretching program especially for you, my dear. I have created it based on my own professional experience. I know what is best for you. I must execute these exercises exactly right, regardless of any little discomfort they may give you or me. This is not the time for feelings or compassion. Our bodies are machines, and we must treat them as such. Do you think I enjoy sitting on this mat? No! But I do it to help you.”

Karen tried not to resist. Resistance increased the pain. Suddenly the three minutes were up. Mrs. Schmidt released her arm and wrist as abruptly as she had taken them.

“Now for your last and final exercise, Karen! We are going to stretch your left heel cord.”

Kitten could not stop herself from wincing. This was always the most painful treatment. She rolled from the all fours position and sat on the mat with her legs straight in front of her. Mrs. Schmidt looked deeply into her eyes as she reached for Karen’s left knee and pushed it hard into the mat. Under Mrs. Schmidt’s pressure, the knee bent the wrong way and immediately throbbed with pain. Mrs. Schmidt smiled as she gripped Kitten’s toes with her other hand.

Karen tried to relax, but the coming agony terrified her, and her muscles involuntarily tightened. Mrs. Schmidt squeezed her toes together, so that they hurt. She pulled the toes toward Kitten’s knee, still looking into her eyes with a darkness.. Karen could not look away, in spite of the pain. She felt tears sting and flow down her cheeks. Mrs. Schmidt squeezed and stretched once, then let the toes move back to their normal position. Karen sniffed to keep herself from whimpering. Mrs. Schmidt squeezed and stretched, again, even harder, and the pain increased. The treatment consisted of five stretches, each one more painful than the last.

“Karen, you must try harder not to resist me,” Mrs. Schmidt said, as she released Kitten’s foot and handed her a tissue. “Now dry your tears and go back to class.”

Karen’s eyes stopped tearing. She wiped them and blew her nose. Looking around, she saw that the therapy assistant and the other child were staring at her, their faces full of shock. Mrs. Schmidt was smiling in a relaxed, satisfied way. She looked happier than she had since Kitten had entered the room.

“Why do you smile, Mrs. Schmidt?” Karen asked.

“I smile because I know how much this is going to help you! I know because I know what is necessary to make this therapy work. I know because I’m not afraid to challenge you.”

Mrs. Schmidt struggled to her feet and flung open the hallway door. “Your session is over, young lady. You can leave, now. It is time for my cigarette break. Try to have a better attitude, next time.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Schmidt. You have a very nice day, too!” Kitten replied.

Coming Soon: Another Interview

I am working on my notes for an upcoming interview, so today I am not posting a scene from The Healing Horse. Maybe I will post about the interview after it happens.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 19, Scene 6: Mrs. Schmidt and Her Evil Philosophy

image of lemon hard candies

The story grows darker, yet, in this scene. We learn some of the ideas that can lead adults, who should be kind to children, to hurt them, instead. (Image by Tiia Monto, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.)

Scene 6: Mrs. Schmidt and Her Evil Philosophy

Karen recalled how, one day she had approached the PT room a little early for her session. She knew the physical therapy was good for her, but she felt tired and chilled whenever she entered the room. It had a dark energy that affected her mood and made her wonder why her normally happy spirit had become sad.

Today, the door was open just enough for her to peek in and overhear a conversation between Mrs. Schmidt and the physical therapy assistant, Mrs. DeLuca. It was open just enough for Karen to learn the secret behind Mrs. Schmidt’s cruelty.

Mrs. Schmidt wore her usual royal blue dress under a white lab coat. She was too heavy to wear the conventional therapy uniform of white pants and a matching short-sleeved top with a Physical Therapy badge sewn to the left shoulder. She reeked of cigarettes, and Karen almost choked when she came near her. Mrs. Schmidt constantly sucked on lemon drops to cover the odor of her breath. At five-feet-ten-inches, she towered over most women.

Slender Mrs. DeLuca stood five-feet-three-inches tall, a full head shorter than Mrs. Schmidt. She wore her deep red hair in a bob, and was never without small pearl earrings and a matching necklace. She always dressed in pants suits with pretty blouses under her white coat.

“Annette!” Mrs. Schmidt squawked. “Hurry up! You know we have to get the paperwork done before our clients come in.”

Karen heard Mrs. DeLuca mutter, “Who does she think she is? I’m not deaf, and I’m already working on the paperwork. If I didn’t need the money, I’d quit this job.”

Mrs. Schmidt’s voice came back, loud and domineering, “Annette, don’t talk about me as if I were not here. Have some respect for your elders! I am the Physical Therapist, and you are my assistant, so you will obey me! As for these children you incessantly worry about, for your information, you have the upper hand over them. You can’t let your patients manipulate you. You don’t understand how much people cater to them, already. They’ll become complete invalids if we don’t push and exert pressure. That is what they need. They don’t need more coddling. I know firsthand.

“In Vienna, I spent years twisting the muscles of these hothouse flowers with what you call patience, and without really helping them. But, I grew up under the Third Reich, so I know what power can accomplish. We must use our power. Patients don’t understand when they have to be pushed. They don’t understand why we apply pressure to their joints and connective tissues. It is painful for them, but they must accept total submission to us as the correct response, if they are to improve.

“For example, that little Jewish Princess, Karen, in her pretty little A-line dresses with puff sleeves, needs to be kept in line. She’s a real troublemaker because she wants to overcome her handicaps. She thinks she can lead an independent life doing the same things normal children do. People think I am ruthless, but I’m trying to prepare her for the real world. She doesn’t realize she is not going to have the opportunities others have. We must also watch Karen’s interactions with Tammy. We don’t want them giving each other too much hope. If those two get together, then watch out!

“We earn a living because parents believe we can make all the hurt and pain go away. They think we can fix their children’s disabilities, but we cannot! Neither can we foresee the future for their little cripple souls. We offer false hope, but the true hope we can give these children is to teach them to submit to authority and to endure pain, for this is how their lives will be!”

Kitten stifled a gasp. Now, she understood why Mrs. Schmidt treated her the way she did. Mrs. Schmidt was one of those adults who thought they had to hurt children to prepare them for life. Karen tried to center herself. She would not allow herself to become upset because someone else was cynical and twisted. She knocked and pushed open the door.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 19, Scene 5: Flashback to The Physical Therapy Room

This scene introduced Mrs. Helga Schmidt, one of the darker characters in The Healing Horse, one who challenges little Karen to be her best in the face of adversity and discrimination.

Happy Holidays! And things will look up for Kitten, soon!

(Painting by Vincent van Gogh, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 5: Flashback to The Physical Therapy Room

The motion of the bus put Karen’s mind into a hypnotic state. With each mile Mr. Hinton drove, the further back in time she traveled. She thought of the doctors and of her coming clinic. Then she recalled the one time that an adult at school had hurt her, physically. It had been four years before. She also remembered that no matter what happened, she never sniveled or whined.

A large picture window and a pair of French doors faced the playground. Their dirty glass let a little natural light into the Physical Therapy room. Two desks, one for the therapist and one for her assistant, stood close to the wall by the window. A filing cabinet stood in the corner next to the desks, by two folding tables covered with office supplies, tools and trash.

On the south wall, a framed print of Van Gogh’s Still Life: Vase with Pink Roses provided the only beauty in the room. Karen knew the painting from when Mama had taken her to a county art museum exhibit. Van Gogh had painted it during his final days in a mental asylum. The bright blossoms and wavy green background were his way of saying that life was getting better.
She understood how the painting symbolized much of her life, but the clutter, gloom and heavy dust of the PT room overpowered its beauty.

In the physical therapy room, she met with Mrs. Helga Schmidt, the school’s physical therapist. Mrs. Schmidt was a heavy-set, older woman with tinted reddish hair. Karen could see gray coming through the dye. When Mrs. Schmidt spoke, her voice was harsh, and Karen heard a heavy German accent. Kitten picked it up because of her Jewish heritage. Mama Katie had explained the strong similarity between the German and Yiddish languages.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 19, Scene 4: Hello to Mr. Hinton

In this scene, little Karen continues mulling over her situation before drifting into the dark memories that begin in next scene, as we find out more about exactly why she is afraid of school. (Image by Alan Turkus from Hopewell, New Jersey, USA, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons. Cropped for this post.)

Scene 4: Hello to Mr. Hinton

The bus driver stopped close to the curb and Karen slid from Pegasus’ back into the bus.

She turned her little torso and waved good-bye to her stallion.

“See you later, boy,” she said.

Before walking to her seat, Karen greeted the driver with a quick hug. She liked Mr. Hinton, and she knew that he liked her and all the other disabled students. He was one of the few adults who genuinely cared about handicapped children. She wished the experts cared as much as the bus driver did.

Karen took her usual seat and buckled herself in with the black web seat belt. As the bus moved away from her new home, she waved good-bye through the window. Mama had joined Pegasus at the curb and waved back. Mama was crying.

Karen pursed her lips and thought, Every new semester is a fresh start. Mama and Pegasus are right. They speak with the voice of divine wisdom. I need to set an example and not think only of myself, and I need to keep trying until I succeed on my own. Thank heavens for both of them. I would not feel brave enough to face school, now, if I did not know that they will be waiting for me when I get home.

“…guide for parents whose kids are diagnosed with ADHD…”

image of checklist

I recently received an email from Tara Worsham, the founder of OnlineSafetyKids.com – Helping you to PROTECT your kids online,

Her website is not quite ready, yet, but I wanted to share some useful information for parents whose kids have ADHD. The link in her email, quoted below, is to a list of apps to help people stay on track. Most of these will work for anyone with a lot going on in life, not just for people who have trouble directing their mental focus.

Here is Tara’s email to me (lightly edited), and we have added the link she recommended to our page of Special Needs Resources.

Big thanks to Tara!

(Checklist icon by Halfwitty, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Hello!

I’m Tara, a mother of two beautiful sons. Recently, I noticed that my elder son can’t concentrate during online classes or sit still while doing homework. So, I’ve decided to do a little research about symptoms of ADHD before taking him to a therapist….

…I checked your resources as well and didn’t find what I needed. I kept searching for the best guide for parents, and here it is!

This amazing guide for parents whose kids are diagnosed with ADHD (with tips and recommended apps)
https://www.wizcase.com/blog/top-mobile-apps-for-managing-adhd-add-symptoms-for-kids-and-adults/

I thought you could add it to your resources to help many parents like me.
I’m sure your readers would appreciate it! We need to help each other in giving our kids the best childhood.

Thanks a lot for your work!

Regards,
Tara

The Healing Horse, Ch. 19, Scene 3: Riding to the Bus

image of sun taken through special solar telescope

Facing a fear can involve two steps. One is facing the emotion itself. The other is facing the danger that brought it on. In this scene, little Kitten continues the process of facing them, then backing away, then facing them again. But she never gives up or gives in. She goes through the process with her spiritual mentor at her side. (Image of the sun by Dylan O’Donnell, deography.com, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 3: Riding to the Bus

As she stepped into the morning sun, she felt Pegasus’ eyes upon her. He waited outside the kitchen door. She tried to smile, but the best she could do was to return his loving gaze with a glum stare.

“It’s too bad you can’t come with me to school, boy. It sure would help me feel stronger,” she said, trying to steer her mind in a positive direction.

“I wish I could,” he said with a smile, “but I don’t think the bus driver has any oats for me. If I could go to school, I would teach the students and adults how to treat people with compassion. For now, let me give you a ride to the bus.”

The Healing Horse, Ch. 19, Scene 2: Breakfast

sketch of woman's back as she stands in front of a kitchen sink

In the kitchen, Mama does her best to encourage Karen. Karen knows she is giving her good advice, but she cannot shake her fear. (Image courtesy of whitney waller, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 2: Breakfast

Walking into the kitchen, she put on her brave face and smiled at Mama. Mama gave back her own brave smile, and then gave her usual first-day-of-school lecture.

“Krana Layala, it’s the start of a new term, today, can you believe it? Time goes by so fast, and there’s always so much to do. You need to eat, now, so you’ll have strength for the day. Life isn’t easy for any of us, and we both know the academics can be hard for you, but you can do them if you try hard enough.

“Like I’ve told you a million times, do you want to be like Tammy, where her mother has to do all her homework for her, or would you rather be like yourself and learn to do the work on your own? You don’t want to have to worry about ending up in an institution. What is going to happen to you when I leave this universe? How are you going to function? How are you going to keep your own home, pay your own bills and read important documents, if you can’t do your math homework or read your homework assignments on your own, now? I want you to be able to take care of yourself, sweetheart. That’s why I push you so hard. That’s why it’s so important to do these things for yourself, now, so you won’t need outside help and you will be capable of providing for your own needs when the time comes.

“You have to do the school work for yourself, to feel good about you! That is what’s so important! So you can feel good inside yourself knowing you understood the work enough to be able to do it on your own. It’s so important to know and feel this within yourself, Kitten. It’s so very important that you accomplish these academic lessons and life lessons on your own without help from me or others. Then you’ll be able to go out into the big world all alone and say to yourself, ‘See, I did it!’

“That’s why I wrote those words on your homework paper in first grade, the words about giving you homework you could do on your own, so you could grow up and be self-sufficient. So you could feel good about yourself. So you could feel the worth of accomplishing something difficult on your own. This is so important for you to learn now, sweetheart. It’s not about competing with others. It’s about feeling the completion within when you have mastered a skill on your own. It’s a milestone to put on your belt notch! Be proud of the fact that you and you alone did something by yourself without me doing it for you.”

Karen knew her mother was speaking the truth from her heart, and she knew herself well enough to know that she would study until she had mastered the academics. She was not going to argue with good advice, so she ate fast and hurried through her morning routine. She did not want to be late for the bus. By the time she finished eating and brushing her teeth, she was exactly on time. The bus would arrive just as she reached the curb.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 19: PT and OT

image of French toast made with challah bread This chapter is mostly reflection on the good and the bad of physical and occupational therapy. In it, we learn more about why Karen is afraid of school. Thank goodness Mama starts her day with French toast in the next scene. (Image courtesy of Ocdp, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons.)

Scene 1: Dressing for School

Six on Monday morning came early. Karen was neither thrilled nor excited about going to school. Her fierce empowerment had waned, and she was, again, a frightened little girl.

The smell of Mama’s French toast cooking in the kitchen helped her find a little courage—just enough to dress for the day. From her closet, she picked a cute pink top, a scoop neck, ruffled collar, three-quarter sleeve tee shirt. It looked great with her black denim skirt and matching jean jacket—perfect for school.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 18, Scene 14: I’m Truthfully Not Looking Forward to Tomorrow

image of mountain trail In this last scene of Chapter 18, Karen continues to struggle with her fears. She finds some solace in a long ride on a peaceful trail of the ranch upon the back of her mentor, Pegasus. Nevertheless, at the end of the day she is still full of apprehension. (Image of Coconino National Forest, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons.)

Scene 14: I’m Truthfully Not Looking Forward to Tomorrow

After finishing breakfast and helping Mama clean the kitchen, Karen put on her warmest jacket and went out into the golden sun to be with Pegasus. They decided to take a long ride so Karen could mentally prepare herself for school the next day, and off they bounded.

They returned to the ranch and to the magical trail they had discovered on their first day, there. It had become a place that they secretly called their own, their sanctuary and their favorite place to go. As Pegasus slowly carried Karen, they talked. Tomorrow was the day she had to return to school, and in spite of her vows to herself, she was afraid.

“We cannot see the future, Kitten, but we must be prepared for what will happen when you return to school, tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course, and I am prepared for the routine part. We kids will arrive at school and get off the bus. Our teachers will greet us and take us back to our classrooms. But after that, I’m not sure. That’s not the part that makes me nervous. It’s afterwards that concerns me. It’s the learning part, Pegasus, the struggling to learn. It’s the other children. It’s the bullying and making fun of others that frightens me, and what about the experts and the doctors? What will they want to do to me?”

“You’ll be fine, Kitten. We have talked about this, before. Nobody can hurt you. You know that. Not unless you let them. Not emotionally, that is. Not unless you give them the power to get the upper hand, or give them permission to dominate you. And the doctors can’t do anything to you without your Mama’s permission, so you are safe from them, too. You can do this, Kitten. You really can! Be confident in yourself, and stand tall and proud. Don’t let anything others say affect you, especially if it’s not the truth. You know this in your heart!”

Pegasus neighed his encouragement, and they spent the day together. When the sun lowered toward the horizon, Karen nudged Pegasus toward the trail home. After she dismounted, they parted.

“Pegasus, I’m still truthfully not looking forward to tomorrow, but I know I must face it. I know I will get stronger if I do this. At least I feel a little hope, now. Will I see you in the morning?”

“Yes, Kitten. Of course, I’ll meet you by your kitchen window, bright and early.”

“Of course. Good-bye, then, until tomorrow,” Karen said, as her horse trotted away surrounded by his purple aura.