Home › BlogPage 13

The Healing Horse, Ch. 29, Scene 2: The Studio

The Scream by Edvard Munch

In this scene, Karen learns more about the roots of Sandy’s bitterness. Abandoned by her father, criticized by a respected teacher, and without the spiritual strength to keep her balance, she hides her broken heart behind arrogance. 

(Picture is of The Scream by Edvard Munch, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 2: The Studio

Karen needed to digest what had just happened. She stood and looked at the paintings hung on the walls. They made a gallery dedicated to Tammy and her family, drawn from scenes in their home. Even glancing at them, she could see the suffering of the artist. The pictures were in chronological order. They began with the crude drawings of a toddler, but those radiated happiness and artistic promise. Then they went through several years of elementary school. These began with the bright light of happiness—the view of life of a contented and talented child. But as the years passed, a dark aura grew around the subjects. Mr. Beaumont gradually disappeared, while Patsy aged decades in a few years, and Tammy grew from a tiny, disabled baby into a huge disabled child in a wheelchair. The pictures that included Mr. Beaumont were all bright, but as his image disappeared, the pictures grew darker. She asked Tammy who had painted them.

“My sister Sandy. She’s a genius artist. She can paint your portrait in a flash. Even something ugly, she can make into a beautiful painting.”

“Is that her studio?” Kitten asked, pointing to the open, light-filled space next to the living room. “Your mom converted the sitting room into a studio for her, right?”

“Actually, Daddy did that before he left us.”

At that moment, Sandra returned and stood before her easel. Taking up a piece of charcoal, she sketched Tammy and Karen sitting together in the living room. Karen wondered how many sketches of Tammy Sandra had done over the years. It took only a few minutes. Then she lifted the canvas board from the easel and showed it to them.

“That’s really beautiful, Sis,” Tammy said.

“Only because you and your friend are in it. Mrs. Zawinski didn’t think I was good at art in second grade.” Sandra’s voice cracked.

“That was a long time ago, Sandy.”

“Oh! Right! Don’t patronize me. I know my artistic talent doesn’t amount to anything. It’s for personal use only and not for public display.”

Karen tried to steer the conversation in a positive direction. “Sandy, your art is so beautiful! Do you think you could paint me and Mama sometime?”

Tammy added, “Maybe things would be different if you believed in yourself and this God-given talent of yours, Sandy!”

Sandy glared at them and replied with an icy voice. “Even great artists starve, and I know I’m not great. So if you don’t mind, I’ll keep my focus on fashion design, and I’ll keep my artistic talent for a hobby. Artists struggle while fashion designers become millionaire celebrities, so why should I waste time trying to become an artist when I can use my talent to become famous and rich?”

Original text ©2022 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

Bringing Home Baby When You’re a Parent With a Disability by Jillian Day

Pregnant, Woman, Maternity, Motherhood, Parenthood

Photo by StockSnap via Pixabay

[Editor’s note: Jillian Day created 508Assist.org to help people all across the web make their sites accessible to individuals with disabilities. A close family member, who has a visual impairment, had trouble finding a dinner recipe online that he could read easily. This inspired her to start 508Assist.org.When she’s not chasing after her little ones, Jillian enjoys being outside, whether she’s fishing, hiking, or geocaching with her family.]

Bringing Home Baby When You’re a Parent With a Disability

by Jillian Day

Disability or not, preparing your home (and life!) for your baby’s grand entrance has its challenges. If you are one of the many people with a disability who will soon be a parent, you may have some unique challenges, but you’ve also got some unique strengths. What some new parents may see as insurmountable, you may see as simply a minor bump in the road. When it comes to some of your unique challenges, though, here are some invaluable tips and tricks presented by Whispers of Hope to help you prepare for this amazing time in your life.

Identify Your Needs and Make Modifications

Take a tour of your life, beginning at your front door. Picture yourself navigating with a baby. Evaluate every step and every action you’ll need to take, and then come up with any necessary modifications you’ll need. If carrying your baby up a flight of stairs feels out of the question, look into getting a ramp installed or buying a prefabricated one.

If you use a wheelchair, you’ll need to modify your baby’s crib. While there are expensive adaptive cribs available, another option is to shorten or remove the legs of a standard crib. You may even want to keep the crib next to your bed at first. It will make those middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes so much easier!

Assess what you will need for your baby’s bath time, too. Handling a slippery baby is a challenge for anyone. It’s a good idea to enlist the help of your partner or a friend at first. If you don’t already have a hand-held sprayer in your tub or shower, now is the time to get one. It will make bathing your little one a lot easier and safer. Also, set a safe maximum temperature for hot water (no higher than 120 degrees F), and invest in handrails by the tub and non-slip mats wherever needed.

Find a Better Fit

If, as you review your home for your new parenting needs, you feel upgrading your current property will require a little too much work, remember that moving is always an option. There are many accessible homes on the market, many of which may be within your price range. Research mortgage rates and get a sense of how much a new home would cost you monthly. Then, come up with a budget and calculate how much you can afford to spend. Depending on how close your due date is, you may be able to out-wait higher interest rates. But if you don’t want to risk cutting time close on upgrades and moving, you may need to move forward regardless of the current rates.

Not sure how to look for an accessible home? Get in touch with an experienced real estate agent who can help you navigate the local real estate market. They can help you find the right property, whether it’s an as-is house that could use some TLC, new construction, or an older home that needs slight modifications.

Utilize Available Resources and Support

Some healthcare providers include home visits where an expert can evaluate your living space and offer modifications to make parenting chores easier. They’ll also lend out adaptive equipment for you to try, and will offer suggestions on ergonomic best practices.

Make Safety Your Priority

Having a baby brings safety to the forefront of your mind. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to baby proof your house and make keeping your baby safe even easier. Here’s a list of all the safety items you’ll need to childproof your home before baby makes their debut:

  • Install baby monitors.
  • Install a carbon monoxide detector on every floor if your home has an attached garage or is heated by oil or gas.
  • Make sure your smoke detectors are in working order.
  • Get an air quality monitor for extra safety, especially if you live in an area with poor air quality because of smog or fires.
  • Have several fire extinguishers on hand for emergencies, especially in the kitchen and around any sources of heat.
  • Put corner guards on all furniture with sharp corners.
  • Have a first-aid kit for babies and take an infant CPR class.
  • Install childproof locks on all cabinets within reach and any containing poisons, medicines, and cleaning supplies.
  • Install stair gates or even gates to separate off areas of the house that are less baby friendly.
  • Eliminate any dangling cords, particularly window blind cords and power cords.
  • Cover any electrical outlets with caps or sliding plate covers.

All of this modification and safety talk may seem daunting right now, but all the time and effort will be more than worth it when you meet your baby. You’re about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. Yes, there are some exhausting days ahead of you, but you’ve also got some of the best days of your life ahead as well. Between your prior life experiences and these tips and resources, you’ve got this. Enjoy your baby, and remember to get your rest!

Whispers of Hope advocates for and works with people with disabilities. We want to destigmatize disability so that people will see the entire human being, while appreciating what we offer to the world. We also offer support services, so visit our website to see how we can work together towards disability acceptance.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 29: Before the First Argument, Scene 1

photo of rainbow over lighthouse

In this scene, Tammy confesses her darkest feelings about herself, and Karen draws on her spiritual wisdom to reassure her.

If you enjoy my writing, please like and share.

(Image attribution: Solarence, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

Scene 1: Miniscule Bumps and Scrapes

Rainbows from the beveled glass windows floated above the glistening, distressed oak floor. A huge color RCA television in a wooden cabinet dominated the room. Karen arranged the beige and powder blue pillows on the sectional so she could sit near her friend.

She pointed at her friend’s forehead and tried to be tactful. “About that goose egg? Maybe someone hit you in the head?”

Tammy laughed and rolled her eyes. “Using a power wheelchair is a skill, and I need time to master it. I keep running into walls, but at least I’m the one doing the running into. I’m not an inert cargo someone else has to wheel about.”

“How’s your mom with that?”

“Mommy is terrified I’ll kill myself, but this is the first time in my life I’ve been able to move around on my own, and I will not give up my new freedom, just because I may have to endure a few minuscule bumps and scrapes. I need this motorized chair for my future independence.”

“You mean for when you grow up?”

“It’s more complicated than that. And you have the same issue. Barring disaster, we will outlive our mothers. And who’s going to take care of us then? At least you can walk. I can’t even feed myself. Anything I can do to become more independent is a victory.”

“I agree. Mama is always telling me I have to become independent, but I thought Dr. L wanted you to move into Sonoma so you’ll have care for life.”

“No way. Mommy read they torture people there. She’s set up a fund to pay my expenses after she’s gone, but I don’t want to be any more helpless than I have to be. Besides, my mother is exhausted right now. With the power chair, at least she won’t have to push me everywhere. She already has too much to deal with. There’s me, and then there’s my sister, who is totally out of control, and then there’s my father, who isn’t around, but she still has to deal with him and his attorneys. If it weren’t for me, Sandra would be a well-adjusted teen with a bright future. Dad would be by Mommy’s side. They would all be happy and normal. But I’m here, so Sandra is counting the days until she leaves for college, and then all of my care will fall on Mommy. Daddy left ages ago because he didn’t want to be burdened with me and my disabilities.”

The room fell silent as Karen searched her heart for how to respond. “Tammy, you’re my friend. And your mommy loves you. She’s glad to take care of you, just like mine is with me. We have disabilities, but we’re human beings who deserve to be taken care of.”

Tammy nodded. “You’re right. Self-loathing doesn’t help anyone. Did I tell you I have a clinic appointment this coming Thursday?”

“No! No, you didn’t. What time is it for?”

“It’s for ten-thirty.” Her arms thrashed with nervousness.

“I had mine in January. Why are they re-evaluating you in March?”

“I don’t know. It must have something to do with the power wheelchair. I just hope they won’t take it away from me. I hate clinic. I can’t stand the feelings I get when I roll through the doors, and they all gawk at me and want to run my life.”

“Stay strong, Tammy. You can handle it.”

“Thanks, Kitten. You’re my lighthouse of hope and my rainbow at the end of the storm.”

Original text ©2022 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

 

Committing to Yourself

Committing to yourself is hard. People misunderstand and think it means being selfish. It doesn’t. In this post, I will show you the benefits of committing to yourself while finding a healthy balance between self-care and caring for others. These are not mutually exclusive. They can support each other. This will come naturally over time and help you build your self-esteem day by day.

Karen as a little girl

This is me as a little girl. The doctors said I would never walk, but I did. Then they said I would never walk without a brace.

Karen on Stage the Al Gilbert

It took a few years, but I learned to dance. Here I am on stage with my dance teacher, the late, great Al Gilbert.

Early in life, I learned to commit myself to achievements I knew would be difficult. I always plunged into whatever the task at hand demanded.

For example, learning to point and flex my left toe. That is something most people take for granted, but I couldn’t. Cerebral palsy had paralyzed my left side. And playing tiny cymbals to exercise the fingers on my life hand seemed impossible at first. The same for playing the piano at my dance teacher’s request. Even though my nervous system would not do what my heart and soul wanted, I did not give up on myself. I never gave up, so I learned.

However, working on myself did not mean I ignored others. From my earliest recollection of helping my dear, sweet mama dust the legs of the coffee table up through my career helping others learn dance and improve their physical condition, I always cared. And I still do.

Accepting my limitations without letting them limit me was the key.

I learned to accept the things I couldn’t do and to work on them. My fingers and toes were paralyzed and the effort demanding, but I pivoted away from the “I can’t” mindset to the “I can”. I never took those attempts lightly. I had to tell myself that I could do anything, and if I couldn’t, then I could do my very best. This was part of my disability pride.

You will come to your own personal crossroads where you will figure out precisely what you need to do for yourself. The decision to do that thing is a decision only you can make. It happens when your heart is ready. Maybe it already has.

I think this way, because this is how it happened to me. It was a gradual process of learning through many life experiences. Along with learning new skills to help both myself and others, I continually reassessed my beliefs about myself. When an idea I had about myself stopped working for me, I had to adjust my thinking to avoid holding myself back with self-limiting beliefs.

In closing, your experiences and life’s journey may differ from mine, but you will understand the need for being true to yourself. Commit to the things that are most important to you in your life; that help you feel happy, safe and free. These are also the things that will help you help others. Always remember, if Karen can do it, you can do it, too.

So I ask you, what are you going to commit yourself to, today?

©2022, Karen Lynn-Chlup

(Photos from author’s personal collection)

The Healing Horse, Ch. 28, Scene 4: Mobility

photo of someone using a sip-and-puff typewriter

In this scene, we get into the family dynamics between Tammy and her sister. Tammy has a new electric wheelchair and loves the mobility it gives her. Her sister resents everything about Tammy, even Tammy’s efforts to become more independent. The family has gone beyond their personal Outer Limits. BTW, sip-and-puff technology is now standard and accepted.

Image courtesy of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sip-and-puff 

The Healing Horse, Ch. 28, Scene 4: Mobility

Karen looked up at Mama. How much of what Tammy said had she understood?

Tammy turned her head to the right and took the sip-and-puff straw in her mouth. She made the wheelchair pivot and carry her back through the front door into the house. In the entry hall, she veered too far to the left and bumped into the wall. After backing away, she turned too far to the right and bumped into the other wall. After several more tries, she led them to the living room, where she came to a stop after a hard bump into the cream sectional sofa.

The collision knocked a throw pillow onto the hand-tied floral Persian rug. Sandra put it back. “Tammy’s getting used to the electric wheelchair, so please excuse her if she bumps into things. We all pray that she learns to use it safely before she injures herself again.”

“Sandy, don’t be so excessively overprotective. I know I can master this chair, and I’m driving very slowly now. I won’t have any more bad accidents. A few light bumps into the walls and furniture are of no significance compared with the increased freedom and mobility riding a power chair affords me. Please try to control your unfortunate tendency to criticize without thinking!”

Karen did not know what to say and was relieved when Mama changed the subject. “Where is Mrs. Beaumont?”

Sandra put on her nice-girl face. “Oh, Mommy will be back in just a few minutes. She went to get a few things from the store. I hope that’s okay.”

“Sure, Sandy. That’s fine. I’m just concerned about Tammy being here without an adult present. You’re almost grown up, but there’s a difference. I was going to drop off Karen and then pick her up, but why don’t I wait for your mother in the kitchen? Tammy and Karen can visit together, but I’ll be close by in case anything happens. I’m sure they have lots to talk about.”

“Oh, of course. You can make yourself comfortable until Mommy returns. Oh, and may I get either of you a glass of something to drink?”

Mama and Karen both declined the refreshment offer, and then Karen watched as Sandra led Mama away to the kitchen, after she and Tammy had agreed that they would stay in the living room and not use the electric wheelchair to move around the house.

Original text ©2022 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

Tips for Attracting Differently Abled Workers to Your Business by Jillian Day

Photo Credit: Pexels.com

[Editor’s note: Jillian Day created 508Assist.org to help people all across the web make their sites accessible to individuals with disabilities. A close family member, who has a visual impairment, had trouble finding a dinner recipe online that he could read easily. This inspired her to start 508Assist.org.When she’s not chasing after her little ones, Jillian enjoys being outside, whether she’s fishing, hiking, or geocaching with her family.]

Tips for Attracting Differently Abled Workers to Your Business

by Jillian Day

If you’re a business owner or manager, you want to encourage diversity in the workplace. This includes hiring people who are differently abled. Not only does this create a more inclusive culture, but it can also benefit businesses. Research suggests that differently abled workers can help enhance teamwork, save overhead costs, and improve workplace connectivity. That said, if you want to bring these diverse workers on board, you’ll have to adapt both your hiring processes and your workplace to suit their needs. Read on to find out how you can attract differently abled workers.

Revamp your office space to accommodate differently abled persons

People with disabilities may require nontraditional workspaces, which could mean remodeling your office space. 99 Acres provides a guide to designing office spaces that are disability-friendly. This could include installing wheelchair-accessible bathrooms, widening hallways and doorways to accommodate mobility devices, and creating disability-friendly workspaces. For example, if you have a worker with vision problems, you might invest in computer screen readers that convert written text to speech, or a Braille output device, which allows blind workers to type.

Adapt your recruitment process, including posting ads on platforms like Facebook

Once you have an office that can accommodate differently abled persons, it’s time to recruit. You’ll want to rethink your recruitment process. For example, job adverts should emphasize disability inclusion and highlight benefits that apply to differently abled persons. An effective job description is also essential and should cover core responsibilities, requirements, and rewards. Keep in mind that recruiting steps like interviews may have to change as well. For example, instead of insisting on in-person interviews, you might accommodate remote interviews via video conference, ideal for people with mobility issues.

And don’t discount the value of effective recruitment marketing. Besides popular work-related platforms like LinkedIn, this should include having a presence on your social media channels, like Instagram and Facebook. This calls for creating ads, and it’s unnecessary to pay for a graphic designer or social media manager—you can design a Facebook ad yourself, for instance. When you use an online tool to customize a Facebook ad, you’re able to craft your recruiting message specifically for the differently abled, as well as use your own logo, fonts, and color schemes using editable templates.

Offer incentives that will entice differently abled individuals

When you employ people, you don’t just give them a salary. You likely also offer benefits, such as health insurance or retirement planning support. As you pivot to embrace a differently abled workforce, consider what unique benefits you might offer to draw them in. For example, employee health and wellness programs can be a big boon. Snack Nation provides a long list of possible wellness program ideas, including nutritional cooking courses, meditation or yoga classes, and weekly “Wellness Wednesday” activities. These perks benefit not only differently abled workers but all employees.

Reinforce a culture of inclusivity at every level

You can’t just hire differently abled workers and then say you have an inclusive workplace. You need to improve inclusivity at every level. For instance, you might provide sensitivity training to your other employees. This is an opportunity for them to learn how to interact with their new colleague in a way that encourages and doesn’t offend them. Your company should also show a commitment to inclusivity. You can do this via your external activities, such as supporting certain charitable causes that promote diversity and inclusion of differently abled persons.

Invest in the technology differently abled workers need to thrive

Once you bring a differently abled worker on board, find out what tools they need to succeed. They may need assistive technologies to ensure they can do their jobs well. Examples include ZoomText and Magic, which are screen-magnifying software for persons with visual disabilities. Ava is a great app for the hearing impaired, transcribing speech to written text. Dragon Naturally Speaking is a speech recognition software that can help those with physical impairments who struggle to type. Note that you may write off these tech investments on your taxes.

Bringing differently abled people into your business can have many benefits, from encouraging a more inclusive environment to improving teamwork. That said, take some steps to attract these individuals. The above guide provides some pointers.

Whispers of Hope empowers people who have cerebral palsy and learning disabilities, as well as their families and friends. Reach out today for more info! Contact Karen!

The Healing Horse, Ch. 28, Scene 3: Like Audrey Hepburn, but Sparklier and Meaner

In this scene, the “Outer Limits” theme continues… (ominous laughter echoing in my mind)

Scene 3: Like Audrey Hepburn, but Sparklier and Meaner

Karen raced ahead to the porch and waited by the white front door. Just as Mama caught up with her, rock and roll blared from inside. It was “Outer Limits” by the Marketts. The sounds of screaming came through the door even louder than the music.

“I don’t care if Exploring is educational and you want to expand your mind, you stupid little bitch! I’m going to watch New American Bandstand. If you’re so damned smart, why don’t you get a TV of your own?”

The voice was Tammy’s big sister, Sandy. But who could she be shouting at?

Then Tammy’s garbled speech came through. “I will get my own TV someday, when I grow up.”

Sandy was shouting at Tammy. Karen felt ill.

Mama grimaced and shook her head. She tapped the cast iron door knocker. The voices inside stopped, and the music ended mid-song.

A few seconds later, Sandy opened the door. Tammy sat behind her in an electric power wheelchair. It looked like the new sip-and-puff models Karen had seen demonstrated at school. Tammy was fashionably dressed in a white Mexican blouse accented by multicolor threads. Under her polished braces, she wore bright blue jeans. The blue thread in the blouse picked up the color of the jeans. Even the braces looked good. As always, Karen thought her friend looked like Audrey Hepburn, but smaller and with CP, but today her friend had a goose egg on her forehead. Karen wondered if Sandra might have completely lost her temper, but she did not like to even imagine what might have happened.

Tammy’s sister Sandy stood next to her. Rather than her usual tan Capri pants and white button front shirt, Sandy wore a loose-fitting, long-sleeved, white V-neck sweater with a large, sweeping collar, and a pair of black capris with black, patent leather flats. Her hair was pulled back into a half ponytail by a glass barrette, with sweeping bangs touching her eyebrows. Despite her height and weight, she, too, looked like Audrey Hepburn, but younger, sparklier, and meaner.

Karen’s empathy absorbed the anger radiating from Sandy. She took a deep breath before speaking. “Hi, Tammy, thanks for inviting me over, and Sandy, it’s nice to see you again. That’s a very cool outfit.”

Karen watched as Sandra forced a crystal smile and replied, “Oh, hello, Karen. Hello, Mrs. Hirschstein. And by the way, thank you, Karen. My ensemble today is inspired by Audrey Hepburn’s elegance. I’m glad you like it. Won’t you please come in?”

“Thanks,” Mama and Karen replied at the same time.

Both arms and legs thrashing in happiness, Tammy said, “Kitten, I’m glad you could make it, and I’m glad you remember my older sister Sandy. Sandy, you remember Karen and her mother, don’t you? Karen’s about the only one who will help me at school. You and Mommy took me to her house to play dress-up a while ago. We had so much fun! You remember her, don’t you?”

Without waiting for an answer, Tammy shouted, “Now, watch this!”

Original text ©2022 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

 

The Healing Horse, Ch. 28, Scene 2: Like a Living Monet

photo of bougainvillea blossoms

In this scene, Karen and Mama arrive at Tammy’s beautiful home. Everything looks perfect from the outside, but Karen’s intuition tells her it is anything but wonderful inside.

The Healing Horse, Ch. 28, Scene 2: Like a Living Monet

The Bel Air was a clean, crisp car, and Karen always felt distinguished riding in it. She savored each of the forty-five minutes that Mama drove from their Topanga Canyon bungalow down to Tammy’s house.

In Tammy’s luxurious Cheviot Hills neighborhood, plantings of acanthus and mums in white, yellow, purple and gold stood alongside asparagus ferns and impatiens below the palms that towered above the median strips on the major streets. Kitten smiled at their beauty.

Mama turned into a cul-de-sac and parked at the end. In front of Tammy’s Mediterranean style home, more flowers grew in the rock work terracing. Red, yellow, and white roses decorated both sides of it and bordered the brick path that led across the manicured from lawn from the sidewalk to the front door.

An extraordinary Thai Delight bougainvillea grew on each side of the three-car garage, like a living Monet, spectacular with rosy pink and creamy white blossoms. To the left of the house, a gray birch, with its elliptical leaves and peeling bark, made the flowers seem even brighter. Potted plants accented the terrain. Lavender and purple salvias in terracotta pots graced the brick pavers just before the entrance. Beside the archway that sheltered the front door, a courtly peppermint willow tree drooped to the ground, its leaves swinging like a pendulum in the breeze. Beneath the living room window, Miss Ruby buddleia and other butterfly bushes with their vivid pink flowers attracted butterflies and hummingbirds.

“Oh, Mama, how enchanting, the beauty and grace. And so tranquil. Don’t Tammy’s house and this beautiful neighborhood make you feel at peace?”

“Yes, of course, my Krana Layala, but don’t you feel that way about our new home, too?”

“Yes, Mama, but there’s something special about this house. Or maybe it’s just because my friend Tammy lives here.”

“That could be it. Are you still sure you want me to drop you off? Don’t you want your Mama to stay in case you need me?”

“No, Mama. I’ll be okay. It’s important for Tammy and me to visit on our own, away from school. It’s what girls our age do. We should get to do it, too.”

But after saying this, she felt a dark premonition. Something ugly would happen here, and soon.

“Okay, my daughter. I’ll stay just long enough to be polite, and then I’ll make myself scarce. I can run some errands and pick you up later.”

Karen did not reply. She just pulled the door handle.

Original text ©2022 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

(Image attribution: Forest & Kim Starr, CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

The Healing Horse, Ch. 28: Visiting Tammy, Scene 1: Roses and Outer Limits

outer limits nightmare

This scene foreshadows the rest of the chapter, which explores some themes of being disabled, raising a disabled child, and avoiding overwhelm. As Mama says, we all have our limits, and our Outer Limits.

If you enjoy my writing, please like and share.

(Image attribution: ABC Television, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

The days rolled by like a child roller-skating down the sidewalk and, on this beautiful early spring Saturday, Karen prepared for her first visit to Tammy’s. She opened her wardrobe and chose blue denim pedal pushers and a soft baby-blue cardigan. From her dresser she took a white cotton crew neck shirt with three-quarter length sleeves. She could put these on without help, and she admired herself in the mirror after she dressed. The year was 1964, and Karen had turned thirteen years old the week before.

She knew that, while learning new lessons in life, she was also being given opportunities to share her growing wisdom. She sensed that this visit to Tammy’s would be important both as a learning opportunity for herself and as an opportunity to share this wisdom.

In the kitchen, she toasted bagels for herself and Mama, then read while Mama showered and changed out of her gardening clothes. In a few minutes, Mama walked in wearing a dark blue sleeveless dress with a floral pattern and a white sweater over her shoulders.

In a deep voice, Mama intoned, “We now return control of your garden to you, until next week at the same time, when the roses will take you to Your Outer Limits.”

“Mama, I thought you loved all the flowers around our new home. Besides, you don’t have any limits. You can do anything.”

“I do love them, my Krana Layala, but sometimes I feel like they’re more than I can handle. All the pruning and dead-heading. It’s never ending.”

“Mama, you can do it. They’re beautiful and worth the effort. I’ll start helping you. You can teach me what to do, and maybe I can do it for you.”

“You’re such a good girl. That would be great, ‘cause I am at my limits with the yard work.”

“Why don’t you sit down and relax? Let me put a schmear and some lox on the bagels I toasted. Should I make you a coffee?”

“Coffee would be wonderful.”

As Karen fixed the food and coffee, she said, “Seriously, Mama, do we all have outer limits?” She said the last two words in her deepest voice.

“You should ask Pegasus.”

“I will, but he’s not here. Can you help me understand this?”

Mama sighed. “We do, but a lot of times it’s because we take on more than we can handle. Or we don’t ask for help when we need it. So, it’s kind of something we do to ourselves. Unless there’s a natural disaster or an alien invasion.”

She used her deep voice when she said alien invasion. They both laughed. Karen put her mother’s food and coffee on the table, then brought her own over from the kitchen counter.

Mama sipped the coffee and said, “Just what I need to perk me up. Tammy’s mother is always so stressed. I want to be at my best for your visit.”

After quickly eating and cleaning up, the two hurried out the door to Mama’s well-loved black and salmon 1955 Chevy Bel Air.

Original text ©2022 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.

Honored to Serve–My Time on a Board

Photo of Karen in 1998

This is me enjoying the sun in a park while I was on the Harbor Regional Board

Harbor Regional Center is in Torrance, California, where it provides a wide range of services to people with disabilities and their families.

I volunteered at the Center. Eventually, the management asked me to sit on the board of their Consumer Services Committee. This was in 1998. Because I had disabilities, and because I had devoted my life to helping others with disabilities, they wanted my perspective on how they could improve the services they offered.

I eagerly accepted. Being on a board was a first for me. I felt honored, even though this would be another volunteer position that cut into the time I needed to earn my living as a fitness instructor and dance teacher.

This was during the prime of my life. I had already learned a lot and wanted to share my knowledge. Through my own cerebral palsy and dyslexia, I had learned to be independent and interdependent in a dependent world. Despite having a learning disability, I had learned to read. I had learned to walk without a leg brace, despite cerebral palsy. I had leaned to deal with not only my own feelings, even about being labeled mentally retarded because I tested poorly. All these life-giving lessons made me think perhaps I could give back some whispers of hope, be a voice for the voiceless, and an example of what change could look like. I would be the right kind of change, without interference from so-called experts with their own agendas.

I wanted to make my time on the board show that people with disabilities can define for themselves what kind of support they need. This was a new idea at the time. It went beyond what was then the norm. People should not be confined, but freed. I wondered what I would learn from this new experience. And I wondered where it would take me.

Serving on the board was an important part of my effort to bring about a more inclusive, open, and fair society. I emphasized five main ideas.

1. We are human beings and want to be treated with dignity and respect.
2. We have the same inalienable human rights as people without disabilities.
3. We do not want to be looked down on.
4. We need meaning and purpose in life. We want to set our own direction and create our own meaning. No one wants to spend their days on meaningless busywork, which was what most institutions and programs gave us.
5. We have the right to choose which services we receive. Professionals cannot decide for us. People with disabilities should be able to choose from a variety of options.

Being on the board was one sure way I could lift and nourish. I could listen, extend my support, and raise people’s hope. I could be a friend and help them smile and work through their issues. Perhaps, just perhaps, by coming together, we could create a new mindset. I could help them draw upon their experience, wants, and desires to see that they, too, could change their lives and learn to think differently about their situations.

Now, it is twenty-two years later, and we are still grappling with the same issues. Although we have made progress, we still need to show the world who we are, what we need, and what we can offer. The world does not know us as we truly are.

We humans need to build each other up, not tear each other down. We need to find ways to communicate effectively, to understand one another, and to articulate our needs. Just because someone may dress differently, have a different skin color, a different ethnicity, or special needs doesn’t justify taking advantage of them. There is no need to tear each other apart, make it more difficult for anyone to accomplish their goals, or stop them from reaching their dreams. We all need to stop feeling threatened by people who are physically different and want more for themselves. We need to open up to everyone. On a social level, this must happen regarding opportunities, medical insurance/care, and government services.

Then, perchance, we can all live in harmony. I feel the way I do because this has happened to me my entire life.

In closing, I hope all of us in our world can work out our differences, help one another, and change our mindsets; because, without this, nothing is possible. We have seen for generations the other way does not work.

My question for you is how can we make this happen?