Sometimes I wonder!   I really wonder if our world and society truly understands us, or, if they whole-heartedly care!   I seriously wonder and ask myself over, and over again, if they ever will?  I ask you, what do you think?  How do you feel?  Have you ever experienced anything such as I have? would you be kind enough to write and share your thoughts with me for your support?

I will tell you honestly, that I have spent many a sleepless night; rocking myself to sleep with worry. I have cradled  myself, saturated in tears, with a feeling of disgust , hurt, emotional pain, devastation, and deep despair of “how am I going to conquer the un-conquerable;” while staying positive, focused, and still reaching my goals of becoming productive in a world that doesn’t want to see me productive at all.

It is real hard!  And, it is very unacceptable to me.  It’s an inconclusive matter, that goes on and on. And never goes away!  it is insupportable, intolerant, and very tedious and hard to endure.  What’s more, is that no one truly see’s or feels it.  These unhappy feelings come from a life-time of dealing with people who hold degree’s, and are professional experts which hold powerful, unyielding, torches  that are resolute in inflexibility, uncompromising help, and unshakeable policies and procedures which cause their clients undo social, emotional, and economic grievances and hardships.  These “experts” don’t realize the injury to health they cause us in body, mind, and spirit.  It is an insult to our dignity, and a gross negligence on their part to the people who need a sincere hand up in order to make it in this life.   It is awful, and sickens me!   It is a dreadful limitation which they and society puts on us unfairly!

What if they invested their time in us?  The truth is, that they and our society for the last thirty years or so, are so money hungry, and oriented, that they can’t nor will they invest their time in us; weather we are inflected with a physical disability or injury or not!  They would rather make us a vegetable of the state, declaring us victims of society.  And when we fight for our lives, they fight even harder with convenient cover-ups only to lock away the key and throw it away forever more!

It is as if we are only allowed to progress at a rate our experts are comfortable with.  The idea that we could surpass there conclusions or evaluations is a huge jeopardy, unwelcome truth, and danger to them!  These experts refuse to acknowledge that “We wish to lead normal lives.” This is very frightening, treating, and  harassing.  We are intimidation to them as we and our healthy desires, despite our physical limitations, hound and plaque their physics.  Yet we don’t have the kind of money others have, to help ourselves.

The thought of us taking action for ourselves, or surpassing their expectations of us, causes them great humiliation; which in return cause’s then to take drastic measures upon us.  It also causes bodily retribution to us; the people who struggle to make it in this world the most.  Because we have no other course, or financial funds to make our dreams happen on our own, we work, deal, and bend over backwards to be agreeable with then, with every breath in our being.

Although, since It goes against everything they have been taught to believe about us; with a  sly, underhanded, and sneaky vengeance, they purposely cause strife and hardship upon us.   It is ridiculous that I have had to spend a life-time (57 years) pleading for the right to exist in a world that really knows no kindness or equality!

The idea of achievement is used to channel our energy into pleasing those who think they know what we should be doing with our lives!  We have to waste our precious time, time, and time, and time again, convincing them we are allowed to live our lives out as we see fit!

I know I have talked about this may times before; however this issue never gets resolved. It just gets worse.   I have known other people in the disabled community, who face similar struggles.  Yet social workers and explorers insist and demand, without contradiction, getting and emphatically being involved in every aspect of our lives, even if we say no or don’t want their help. They don’t listen.  They don’t truly care, and they just keep on!

Yet, they won’t give us the right to choose, or have the chance to succeed.  They won’t give us the dignity, the state or quality of being worthy, or the honor of respect; to choose our desired interest to cave out a perfect place for our own selves, same as they have been given the gift to do. Its all a double standard, and a hypocrisy.  It is a convenient way to condemn and invoke as an accusation where the conflicts are manifested as truths in there behalf, and where our humanly rights have little justification of strength, or testimony of attribute to our human behavior in society.

They think they know everything we should and shouldn’t do.  They put us in a place where we have to beg and plead, and then we are put on a merry-go-round hoping against hope for endless periods of time.   I am getting real sick and tired of giving my all to get ahead in life, only to give these people the right to hold this kind of power and judgement over my life.  Are you?  This paternalism is the worst evil in the history of our lives. Somehow we must all help to change this.  We have to put and end to it as I tried over thirty years ago.   Lets speak out, not be shy, and lets speak out in unison, as one!  Help me please, won’t you?