In this scene, Karen’s mentor senses her fears and addresses them, warning that unless she puts forth her best effort, the system that is supposed to serve children with disabilities will destroy her.
Pegasus asked Kitten to dismount. He had something important to discuss with her. She slid to the ground and sat beneath a tree with her hands behind her head and her fingers intertwined.
As she watched, Pegasus appeared in his majestic, purple glory. A bright light shone behind him. Kitten looked into the light as it illuminated the grove. It filled her body and eyes, and then it filled her heart and soul. She felt a tingle, and then a prickling sensation that slid down her body as if she were being bathed in smooth, silky ice cream. Kitten looked around to see what was touching her, but she saw nothing but sparkling light.
This was the first time she saw the light appear. It seemed to be divine. Lifting her spirits and speaking in and through her mind, it spoke to her in Pegasus’ voice, speaking words of truth, and speaking words that gave her the strength, comfort and information that she needed to protect herself. Speaking tranquil words that soothed and satisfied, that hushed and quieted, that renewed and rejuvenated her psyche, the light was a warm, comforting blanket that covered her mind and body with the emotional and moral armor she needed to protect herself, but it did not try to gloss over the ugly realities of her situation.
“Mrs. Pinzetti,” Pegasus said, “will try to beat you down to a pulp. She will beat you down like the soft, moist, fleshy part of a fruit. She will keep trying and trying until she crushes you and your spirit.”
“Really? You really think so, Pegasus?” Karen replied.
“Yes, I really think so. She will grind and grind some more until you believe every word she says,” he reaffirmed. “You know, Kitten, it could be a person with a physical disability who always smiles. Someone who smiles because they are happy, or they smile because they see beauty in life even though they were dealt a bad hand. Someone who smiles to remain positive as they overcome their own difficulties. This is how they find peace from within. But Mrs. Pinzetti cannot handle this. She feels threatened by people who are kind to one another.”
Pegasus looked down for a moment, and then straight into Karen’s eyes. “Mrs. Pinzetti can’t handle kindness, warm-heartedness, or any act of affection,” he almost cried, his voice low and broken.
“She tries to get revenge. Revenge soothes her heart, and she is addicted to it like a drug addict addicted to heroin. Her comments are spiteful. Athena Pinzetti seems emotionally ill. She acts disgracefully to fill a deep emptiness within herself. She is pathetic, and so is her behavior. She has to persecute and tyrannize others to superficially fix her own hurt and pain. She has to terrify and intimidate anyone who’s weaker than herself. She thinks this builds her up, but it’s only temporary. She despises many, but especially those with disabilities because they can’t fend for themselves. They are easy prey.”
He looked away with disapproval. Karen gulped. She palmed her eyes and then rubbed them softly with the tips of her fingers. She took in these words with another large mouthful of air. She swallowed. She coughed to clear the phlegm from her throat, but the feeling overwhelmed her. This was hard to hear, but she took it in with endurance, grasping the concepts and formulating a plan as she put the pieces together in her mind.
“Do you really think Mrs. Pinzetti could be so outrageously mean and evil?
“Yes,” Pegasus said. “Yes.”
Karen mused more, while applying pressure to keep the light out of her eyes.
“You’re right, Pegasus. You are absolutely right. Mrs. Pinzetti really could do something like this to me. She really could. She wouldn’t even have a second thought.”
“That’s right, Kitten,” Pegasus agreed.
Karen rebounded. “If I’m not one step ahead of her, this could really happen!”
“You have a right, Kitten,” Pegasus went on. “You have a right to live, a right to broaden your mind, and a right to your own proper, decent life. Mrs. Pinzetti will try to make you believe things about yourself that aren’t true. She will try to sway you until you yourself start to believe her untruths. Working from those untruths, she and all the rest of the professionals will strip you of your dignity. They will deprive you of your ability to reason for yourself, stripping you of your pride and every intellectual thought you ever had. They will beat you down so far that you’ll never come up for air, again. They’ll hound you again, and again, and again until every sane thought that you have is gone, stripping it away from you forever!
Kitten choked. A colorless fluid became present in her mouth. She tried to get rid of the unwanted mucus and emotions by swallowing, again. But she couldn’t. Karen was so into her feelings that she kept swallowing small amounts of this discharge.
“This is still America, Pegasus! I still have choices!” she cried out. “I have a right. Even people with disabilities have rights!”
Pegasus spoke on, “You’ll be told that you have scattered thoughts. Mrs. Pinzetti will tell you that you can’t think clearly, can’t reason clearly, and can’t learn. She’ll reduce you to being a vegetable never wanting to learn again.”
Kitten snatched onto her arms and clasped her inner self in a deep hug. Her mentor’s words flew on.
“Nor will you want to learn for your own satisfaction. You will be surrounded by people who say they are protecting you, but in reality they will take away your mind. She will say that she is shielding you from danger, but they will be shielding you from all the things they don’t want you to know about. They will be hiding them from you. That is why it is so important for you to get this concept, now, Kitten! It’s important that you yourself know that you are not mentally retarded, that you can learn, and that you can be happy within yourself. It is an inner gift. If you can master this, you can master anything. You will always have yourself, and your self will be the gift you share with the rest of the universe. You do not have scattered thoughts. You have an intuitive mind that sees the connections among things. This is quite different.”
Karen released her grip ever so slightly.
“You need to learn, Kitten, because you want to fill your mind with knowledge. I’m certain you want to learn all the things any normal person has a right to learn.”
“I’m going to fight this! I’m going to fight!” she again shrieked in her head.
“Mrs. Pinzetti won’t let up until she wins, or until you completely defeat and discredit her. She’ll hammer the limited medical ideas she has of your potential—that she shares with the doctors and your teachers—into your consciousness like a nail, until you submit and surrender. She’ll pass judgement on you and get other professionals to agree with her until you finally admit defeat! You will begin to think and act like them as if you were in a religious cult. At that moment she’ll stand even taller, imposing her control over you. You’ll stop listening to your own inner voice and won’t recognize your own sensible conclusions. You’ll be a zombie, a spineless corpuscle, a soulless corpse, a carvable piece of oak like me. Don’t let them beat you down! Don’t let this happen to you. Take heed, Kitten. She will beat you down until your mind and spirit comply, and your mind becomes mush, until all you want to do is watch The Price is Right and sleep.”
Kitten gasped and leapt to attention, trying to catch her breath, straining to hear the truth that touched her iron will.
“Oh, no! She’s not! They’re not going to get away with this. I won’t let them! I will marshal every ounce of strength and courage I can dredge up!” she swore.
Pegasus continued, “Let go, Kitten, let go. Your tormentors are your teachers and your therapists, and you teach them in return. They teach you to rely upon your inner strength and spiritual wisdom. You teach them that paralysis does not equal retardation, and that a handicapped body does not equal a handicapped soul. Let go of your pain and fear. Stay with your goal.”
“But what about Tammy?”
“She has her mother and you. You must teach her spiritual wisdom and stand by her.”
Original text ©2022 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.
Leave a Reply