Getting Around A System That Doesn’t Work

Dear Readers, how awful is this! I got to thinking today how “every” aspect of a disabled or special needs person’s life is scrutinized by “Helpful Experts” who assume God like powers over our goals, our dreams, our thoughts, our abilities, including our wishes to have a livelihood of our own. How dear they step in front of us and block the way of our natural flow. Everything from a career choice, to how we put on our shoes and socks. Better yet, how we even go to the bathroom, is subject to morbid interest and thorough examination. It is critical, meticulous and malicious. Yet, they seem to pull it off.

Our genuine desires as human beings, to led happy, productive lives is intentionally disregarded as they fail to consider our expression of success and happiness. We are never really taken into real consideration. Even if we have some kind of challenge, as a disabled person, our desires to attain our goals or degrees, aught to be recognized and respected. Even if it is just going into work. It would be a joy to have a say so in our destination which society pays no attention or heed to.

This infuriates me to no end, as time, and time, and time again, I have strived, and attempted, and fought for every ounce and every bloody achievement that I have made today. These years of fighting with a system that does not see us as worthy to listen to, have indeed left their scars.

If only our struggles were given the same importance as other suppressed people, it would make life a whole lot easier. Instead, precious years have been frittered and thrown away, down right wasted, trying to get around artificial barrier’s of the worst kind. My dear friends, this struggle is often hidden from people who do not experience it directly, but is no less real.

If I can bring this idea into your heart’s and minds then my life long work and struggle has been worth the while.

What we go though as Disabled People

The hardest part about having a disability is that no one really take us seriously. It is like pulling teeth to be heard as we wish to be heard, and taken into consideration and regarded like the rest of the world. Too many times, we as “disabled individuals” are payed no attention too, ignored, over-looked, and “be programmed” to being nice little individuals, which turn into Convenient robots. This being, because they fear we will loose control and embarrass them. Thus, we who have Cerebral Palsy, a learning disability of Dyslexia, and or any other type of disability are; tossed a bone to keep us pacified, and are patronized, and are regarded as a problem, rather than a asset to our world and our community.

We too often are looked down upon rather than regarded as someone with importance, worth, or value and worthy of attention. We are plighted beyond words because it is easier to ignore our abilities to focus on details. Time and time again I have been aware of others viewing me as a helpless, victim, and not the intelligent, confident person, that I am. We find acceptance from the public and professionals when we are cute little children, and are not a threat to society. But we grow up, have a mind of our own, and desires to fill, that acceptance immediately fades away into nothingness!

Outcome

I do not know what will come of all the letter’s I’ve sent out in the last couple of days to promote myself, and my abilities as a public speaker- but what ever it is, I know that I did not sit back on my tush doing nothing! I know I have moved forward. I know I have put myself and my abilities out there on the line. I know way down deep, within myself, that I have gone beyond and taken all the action I know how to take- I have done my part in thought, spirit and deed- and, there is NO WAY that I am going to stop reaching for that dream of mine! I am going to achieve, and conquer, and keep moving forward to reach MY mountain top, and make it happen for myself. Some how, some way it will be reveled to me! Just like everything else in my life… I just hope it does not take forever! I see many disabled speakers out there. But none who have gone thought what I have with Cerebral Palsy and a learning disability, nor fighting for my life. And they are out there speaking and making a living for themselves. So why CAN’T I!!!! I’ll be very honest with myself, dear blog, It would be very, very sweet if someone recognized my true gift and what I have to give to other people and our world to make this a better place for all. It would be a dream come true! It would be the pinnacle of pinnacles, after all the experiences I’ve gone through.

Determined

I will make this happen for myself too- just like everything else in my life- I am as determined as determined can be to move forward with anticipation and recognition with my public speaking career. And even though I have shared and spoken before, many a times, and filled many a rooms with encouragement, hope and empowerment I will keep on keeping on till that someone sees and recognizes my potential and what I have to give to the world.

Learn

Recently, Over and over again in the news and media, I keep hearing and reading about how they treat “Us” individuals with learning disabilities. After all these years, I still see how they tend to degrade people with LD, and disregard our needs and desires as human beings. They treat us with little or no respect, still. Even after all these years they segregate and label us for there OWN convinces! This outrages me! What can we do as a team? What can we do as individuals with LD to put a stop to this? What can we do to make our voices heard and to effect a change in this world and society?

I have been told…in strength there is numbers. How can we, ourselves, begin a movement towards bettering life and the world around us! Tell me?

Cleansing of the Heart & Soul

Today has been a day to reflect upon my life and to let go of my past. Once again, I have written my feelings down, only to release them from my being, and to gain strength and knowledge to live my life in a different way. It is time to let go so that my body and mind have the opportunity to heal and regain its vitality, its beauty, its serenity, and the peace of mind that is my due birthright. I let go and send my love out to everyone! Especially those who I feel have taught me the most valuable lessons around…:>))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

The Day After

Its the day after, and I have been reading and learning all kinds of new things. I am also more intune and am listening even more closely to my life’s note, issues, and events, as I let go of my past one at a time. No more of hanging on to certain ideas and old thoughts that hurt and wounded me- Gone they are! As I believe in the birthright to live, love, renew my inner soul’s intentions, rejuvenate my spirit and physical body, along with its simple beauties. I truly want to see and recognize my own glory, as I rebuild my physical body to health.

My Visit

It is the day after, and I visited my new homeopathic doctor. Had a consultation, and an acupuncture treatment. I was also given some homework assignments to do and tasks to perform. In addition, I was given some new guidelines and instructions as to what foods I aught to be eating now. To be honest with myself, after I came home and had dinner, I began to anguish and have a panic attack over it, but then I told myself…”the doctor knows more than you!” Your way has not worked, nor the latest way- so be open-minded and try his-” that’s when I began to calm down, and find peace and acceptance within my soul and being.

I must go for now, because I must start making phone calls and ordering my list of prescriptions I need. So until I write again…

Inspiration

Today, I spent the first 5 hours of my day writing a letter and advocating for a woman who’s son has C.P. and a learning disability. She needed some help and Salas for this IEP meeting on Friday. Well, to say the least, I was there for her. It made me feel warm inside knowing that I could help her. It rejuvenated my spirit knowing I was able to be their for her in a time of real need. Reaching out to take her hand made me feel grateful for all the life experience I’ve ever had to go through!

Today’s Journey

It is now 5 p.m. and I just came home from the doctors with my husband. I also see that it has been 5 days since I last wrote anything on my blog. Oh my… but to be honest, It was all I could do to stay focused and together the last three days. I have had an emotionally trying and draining week, trying to keep it together emotionally. I had my moments, had a good cry, of which I believe brings a good release to the heart of pent up feelings and emotions. It does a heart really good:>) Along with writing your feelings out and tearing them up, burning them and releasing them.

It helps to move through a situation at hand, however, sometimes if you can’t, if one is willing, like I have been all my life, it may take years, and years, and years in a particular area in order to have a break through or healing. Sometimes I think my issue will never end, or that I won’t be healed! It is a wound that keeps coming back time and time again. No matter how deep I dig to release this from my being, it’s still there! It haunts me like a ghost! And then, suddenly, I am lead to someone eles or lead towards a whole new direction and action in my life to take. All I find I need to have is an open mind:>))))))))))) and a willingness that never quits!!!!!

One of the on-going challenges I’ve been experiencing has physically gone on for the last 35 years. I don’t like to talk about this much, because I’ve worked on it for so long-. I am hear to tell you that I am still alive and ticking and getting to the root cause. I have learned to cope and accept my allergies to all the different food I have. I will continue on, because I must! I will seek more, and research more, and reach out to those Doctors who I think might be able to help further! You see, in the last 5 years my body has been reacting violently to foods and not getting the nutrient to what I eat.

I have been working with the best Naturopathic Doctor’s around. And Monday, I will be going to see a new Homeopathic Doctor. These challenges have been far more heart wrenching than my Cerebral Palsy and Learning Disability. When I begin to think about this for a minute, it is very painful, it is more painful, and up there emotionally with fighting for my life and my education with my Civil Rights Case , or trying to prove to the world that I am a capable person in doing anything I put my mind towards doing!

But I will survive and get through this just like everything else! I will! I really will!

Now that I have spilled my guts…I will close; as I must prepare my dinner.