I wrote this poem about my dear friend, who was like a brother to me. He died in 2010, but the cause of death was not clear. It could have been a medication problem, or just diabetes. OMG! If you have blood sugar problems, you know nothing is just diabetes. Diabetes is always something more.
It was evening when I found out. Dusk was upon me as I walked to the mailbox to retrieve our mail.
Back in our kitchen, I sifted through the stack of random material the Post Office had left—advertising flyers, bills—the usual stuff. But then, a manila envelope glared back at me. I knew the return address, and why that particular insurance company would have written to me. There was only one reason. I felt myself turn white with shock, and the room spun around me as I dropped everything else onto the table, and opened this large, wide, buff envelope.
I knew what it was, but I couldn’t believe what I saw. Was it true? I asked myself. Emotions gushed. I wept. I couldn’t control the depth of my pain.
Yet somehow I knew I had to remain focused. I collected myself enough to move forward and identify the crucial information. I told myself, “I can do this! I have to calm down.”
So I took a deep breath, and then another. With the vintage rose gold letter opener I inherited, I opened the envelope and read. Staying centered, I engaged. My friend Tom had died and left his life insurance money to me. I knew he had been sick with many major illnesses—diabetes, mental health issues, and high blood pressure. What I didn’t know was how fast he would be gone.
I was heartbroken, rocked beyond belief. I cried and cried with survivor’s grief and guilt, thinking back to how many times I could have helped him more or done things differently.
And I had to search for his middle name.
I had to gain calmness of mind and repose to continue evenly under extreme strain. My turning point came when I allowed myself to feel my feelings, which helped me to let go of them, which led to a significant moment that led to major changes. Somehow, through experience, I knew I only had to get through my grief a moment at a time. Deep down in my soul, I knew my friend would always be in my heart and by my side. Which bought me the peace I needed.
I did not need his insurance money, but it humbled me to know that he cared and loved me and left this monetary gift to me. No one had ever cared like this for me before. Nobody had given me a cat before. I had to pay for everything else myself.
What is so weird is that it was on that day the woman, Annie, who introduced me to my editor, helped me find his middle name because no matter what I did the insurance company website wouldn’t allow me to enter and confirm I was Tom’s beneficiary without it. I asked Annie if she could help me, and within seconds I had access and was able to receive Tom’s benefits.
The Caring Heart
When I think of you, warmth comes to my heart.
It fills my senses.
Soothes my soul,
Takes me to sweet pastures,
Where colors are vibrant,
And chakras heal naturally.
Where dancers dance,
And coruscate, energy, are way beneath the surface of man’s eyes
A brotherly love that heals another person’s heart
A truth that stands at attention
And revels in
A genuine confirmation of who you are.
There is no duplication for you
You are one in a million
You stand on your own
You are a symbol and likeness
That is why I admire you
Because you are an instrument
You say things in such a way that makes it easy to trust
Easy to understand,
And easy to digest
Your words turn into truths
That nourish my epitome,
Embellish my embodiment
And I feel with deep, earnest intention
Your passion to guide and to guard holds me up
And keeps my core growing ever stronger
You share from a true nature
Transcending as it reaches my essence
Flickering throughout my temple,
Fluttering back and forth,
Sending silent messages of instant comfort,
That only I can feel and you can only receive.
You are my example
To go forth,
To keep mindful,
And to keep hope alive.
You can order my poetry collection, not including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart. I plan to release a new edition, which will have this and other poems, in the spring of 2026.
Original text ©2025 by Karen Lynn Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Karen Lynn-Chlup also ©2025.
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