Wednesday came fast, and at dawn Karen was outside Pegasus’ stable, dressed in her jean jacket and magical boots over her warm pink pajamas. She sat on a tree stump and inhaled the morning air, as she thought in solitude. She tried to keep faith. She hoped that, whatever happened, she and Pegasus could figure it out together.
When she raised her eyes, she saw her lavender mentor. He said, “Morning! How’s my favorite girl today? I must say that you look a bit morose and worn beyond your years.”
“I’m all right, I guess. Sorry about not visiting last night. I wasn’t in the mood to talk. It’s all because of what’s going to happen later this morning.”
“Regardless of what may happen later, this morning is still beautiful. Let’s go for a ride. Maybe the fresh air will give you some perspective, and we can talk.”
She mounted Pegasus, and they trotted up the road and onto the peaceful trails of Tex’s ranch. As she rode, Karen recounted that her heart had been pounding since her therapist had given her the note about clinic the previous morning. Today, she had to go on display for the doctors and therapists. Their Child Study Team controlled her progress. Her medical and psychological treatment depended on the test results that they gave her, so she had to do her best no matter how she felt.
She said, “I know how these experts think. I’ve been through a clinic and eval at the beginning of the second semester every year since I was five. If they really wanted to help me, they would get me the academic help I need so I can get a decent job when I grow up. But they don’t see me as a person! They see me as a cripple—a lame, maimed, damaged lab rat that’ll never amount to anything. They stigmatize me and discount my goals. They focus on forcing me into their categories and on getting the meeting over as fast as possible. I don’t matter to them until it’s time for a school fund-raiser, and then they put me on stage and brag about how proud they are of me. I feel so helpless! Dr. Lambert keeps trying to get Mama to approve experimental surgery on my right heel cord and on my left wrist. That would make me more symmetrical, but it would ruin my one strong leg. He just wants to collect surgical fees to put his kids through college while ruining my dreams of going myself.”
“We horses are always on display and always being judged!” Pegasus replied with sympathy and a flash of his mane. “Remember that who you are has absolutely nothing to do with how anyone else evaluates you. You alone know what you need and what your potential is. When these experts try to limit you, when they tell you that you cannot do something that your heart says you can, then it’s up to you to reject their discouragement. They think they can impose their adult, professional judgment and will upon you, and that your little girl’s determination will fast dissolve in their fearsome presence, but you can stand up to them. You know the difference between authentic assessment and the circus they put you through. Remember that you thought walking to the carousel and taking a ride by yourself would be too hard for you, but when you tried, you found that you could do it. You can face these experts. Tammy has to go through this too! At least you can fight back.”
“I don’t know if I can find the strength,” Kitten replied. “I only know that I am not broken by my CP, and they should not treat me like I am.”
Original text ©2022 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.
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