In 1985, I was a student at Santa Monica College, but I had to deal with the same issues and same kind of wrongheaded experts that I had faced right after I graduated from high school in 1969 when Rehab labeled me retarded and sent me to work in Handicraft Industries. 

The California Department of Rehabilitation and Santa Monica College made it unbelievably hard for me to continue my education. I fought back by writing to the dean. There were two people at the college who made it extremely difficult for me. One told me I cheated on a test. That was the woman at the Resource Center, and she told the dean that, too. And the counselor told me I could only take my test in the disability office. Outside of the school, Rehab told the college I was retarded.

I never found out why the woman who ran the Resource Center had it in for me, but she sure did. And then my counselor, who himself was deaf and mute, claimed I had scattered thoughts because I was interested in dance, recreation, physiology, and sociology. That’s not scatterbrained. That’s having a wide range of healthy interests. 

This episode was very difficult to face. It took everything in my breath and power to stay calm, feel safe, while knowing that this was a lie so that they could come out smelling like roses, when they knew what they were doing.They had met their match and knew they were in the wrong. They were trying to get through this unscathed. Yet it was okay if they did it to me a fourth time. Looks very wrong to me.

I didn’t want to hurt people, but I had to set boundaries, especially since I was getting exhausted by this ongoing discrimination, and I had to find some self-care time. I couldn’t be a schmatte (a torn rag, something worn out or of little value).

I became a teacher, and in a loving way, teaching others how I wanted to be treated and respected. I didn’t want to be afraid to speak up and have a voice that they would hear.

Therefore, I wrote this post to face my feelings, express myself, and to become a better human. A person learning each day about the twists and turns of life, asking myself if I did the right thing or not, and always coming back to living in the moment.

Time Ticks

Time ticks by
With each passing minute,
Ever-changing

And I
Am forever caught in that moment
Testing it

Time
What is it?
Time is but a passing second in our lives,
Trying to teach me life’s secret treasures

However, Time has not been my friend
Time instead has been my foe.

Taunting and twirling me
Around like a spinning top

Whirling me in different directions
With many discomforts,
Of anxiety and agony

Only to find what living in the moment
Truly is!

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2025 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Ermell via Wikimedia Commons.