Somewhere between 1983 and 1985, I wrote this poem.

Again, despite all the tears brought on by grueling life lessons, pain, and worry about how to prove myself to all humanity, I let go and wrapped myself in warm, quiet affirmations. Their words sustained my beating heart. I’m a writer, and I’m a poet, so words not only mean a lot to me, they healed my life.

To find solace, I thought daringly, and opened my heart center. I let go on a deeper level. To liberate myself, I delved further into my distress and lovingly escaped the overwhelming negative thoughts. I walked through a gateway into a new way of living.

Let me tell you about Science of Mind, Louise Hay, and Dr. Wayne Dyer, and their effect on my life. I began my study in 1975, when I was 25 years old.

In my gut, I knew I needed a way, a method, to stay and remain positive through everything I faced then. I knew I needed more of something. I did not want to continue living with the dysfunctions I grew up amid.

I did not want to continue my eating disorder, eating and obsessing about food and what others thought. I wanted a gentle, loving peace within myself and a way to face my emotions without eating over them.

I did not want to kill myself by eating over every emotion I felt, and I wanted to free myself from my fear of food, which my allergic reactions had given me.

I heard about Science of Mind from my Overeaters Anonymous sponsor. After talking with her, I looked up the closest Church of Religious Science and drove to that Sunday’s services. I attended, and when they announced a new session of classes, I signed up immediately.

Beyond that, I needed to build a stronger spirituality and resilience, so I could get through the issues in this lifetime of mine. I didn’t want to be the disabled person who has a sign on her chest saying… look at me, I’m disabled. I also didn’t want people to pity me. I wanted to fit into the world and hold my head high. I wanted to be strong emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

Besides music, dance, and the arts, I needed to be me and unashamed. With my genuinely sweet and sincere nature, I wanted to expand my horizons by going to my girlfriend’s Lutheran church. I did not want to feel guilty because my mother believed I was a bad Jewish girl if I went to a Christian service.

At my core, I wanted to learn, to become healthy-minded and well-rounded. I did not want to carry my parents’ and grandparents’ unhealthy history with me. I wanted to attract healthy people, and hopefully, a husband.

I wanted to travel and experience life with no one hovering over me.

I went to Science of Mind on my own, because of my thirst to learn and grow as a disabled person with pride. To live and thrive, to hold intelligent conversations, and be like any other able-bodied person was my goal. I wanted to fit into the world with a sense of worth, dignity, and pride in giving to others what I learned.

I experienced this firsthand and found that my God is everywhere I am.

GATEWAY AHEAD

The sun shines for me,
Despite the tears fallen from me.

I wrap myself in a warm, comforting affirmation!
I do not worry!
I look straight ahead,
As I walk toward that invisible gate!

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Images are original photographs by Karen Lynn-Chlup and ©2024. Content of the images belongs to Louise Hay and Dr. Wayne Dyer.