I wrote this poem in 1982, a time when I felt as if my years on this earth, and everything I did to prove myself, ripened only intermittently, as if my discipline and effort meant nothing.

I got occasional glimpses of what I wanted to achieve, only for my light to be extinguished by the so-called experts and friends, the telomeres of my DNA shortening with each cruelty.

But I stood fast. No matter what the experts said, I refused their labels. I focused on the light that showed me peace and joy.

Looking back on those experiences from today’s perspective, I know what worked for me. Sciatica has forced me into bed for most of the past week, but with the help of my beloved husband and my good friends, I am getting through it. Difficult for a woman whose career was in fitness and dance. We have our good and bad days, but I work on being me. I work on love, compassion, and not reacting, or allowing my well-wishers to take away from me at my core, like the experts tried, decades ago.

Long ago, I vowed to myself not to react and not to allow anyone to usurp my agency like so many wanted to do. Even as a little girl wearing a rigid leg brace and learning to dance, I knew who I was, and I stayed true to myself.

Back in 1982, I had another aha! moment and told myself this. I would let no one do what the experts and the people who were unhealthy for me, who tried to take advantage of my better self, wanted. In that moment, I told myself I am going to take care of myself and do the best I can, one day at a time, to let go, and be me, the best person I can be. I told myself I cannot allow anyone to control me and take away my goodness with their nastiness. I have to be the one to let go, and bless, and pray, and be the example of truth, love, and light. That’s what I practice now in my affairs.

I do the things that fill my soul with happiness. But in ways that hurt no one, especially my beloved husband and my friends.

You can order my poetry collection, including this poem, here: Reflections of My Heart.

Original text ©2024 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved. Image by Christopher Harriot from Penang, Malaysia, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.