Last night I received a very warm email from a new friend whom I met on the Internet.  It warmed the deepest part of my heart because I could feel the words she wrote.  “What kind of learning disability” Her words began rejuvenating my soul- lifting my spirits- And as always, her words helped me to see, once again, that all which I do has meaning and purpose and is not in vain-

Yes, I can’t deny the fact that after all these years I’d like to be known or recognized, or be invited as a guest speaker and get reimbursed for going out and delivering these words of peals to all those that want to hear me.  I also want to be known for making a huge difference and contribution to other peoples lives.

Oh how I want to give back to the world and to others with disabilities to let them know that they are not alone!  It is so vital and important to others and to myself to do this- it sings out to me in melodic form and lyrics, and it brings to mind one of Beethoven’s musical pieces.  It tells me over and over again that all of this is so very worth it! All the challenges, all the joys, and all the time in my life I have spent making something of myself.

When my girlfriend wrote these words, I could feel my heart skip a beat, and I knew deep down inside that even if I don’t become a well known keynote speaker, and if I don’t get paid for what I do, that all of my actions here on earth will not go in vain.  I know that what I do comes directly from my heart-  It come with a sincerity and a goodness within the deeps of my being, to help all that want and ask for it- and It comes from the love inside of me!

Still, after all these years of hard work, effort, determination and action, these kind words are my payment.  They are my source of inspiration and reward- they are my hope, and  my faith-  They are my bread and butter-

My hope is that someday an angel, a miracle, an intervention will come to pass for me-  Someone will hear my prayer- some how- somewhere in this all encompassing, competitive, world of ours, some kind soul will recognize me and hear my plea- and my word- and they too will know- they will have been touched- and some-how with their clout they will help me over my bump and hurdle.  My continuous hope, and prayer is that this kind someone will find the goodness in their hearts to reach out to me, to make a difference, in not only my life, and help me to open the doors, but ultimately, to help others even more-

I have spent my entire life doing this work that I do for little or nothing and only for “love” in return.

I’d like people to know that I need to do this to live and breathe-  It is the air that keeps me going- It is who I am-  I need people to know that this is my lifeline- and that I need to do this for not only the good of all man-kind but for my inner-self- it is to be a productive person in society- being able to be independent, self-reliant, self-sustainable by providing and putting my own bread and butter on my own table…

I need the world to know that even people with Cerebral Palsy and a learning disability can succeed- and that they can earn and make a living at something they love to do- I need them to know that our bodies may have impairments but our minds have the same needs, wants and desires, as all people- despite what “professionals and experts” make us  and other to believe.  We can work- especially at something we are good at doing! I need to share this with all my readers, and the world!  There is wayyyyyyyyyyy more to living than being labeled, put down negatively, or abused by others who call themselves professionals or bosses-  There is far more for us to do than just work in a workshop setting, or sit at home watching t.v. or sitting on the computer to pass the time of day-

I need all you readers out there to know this-  I need you to know that I/ we have desires just like everyone else does.  I need you all to know that I don’t want to be taken for grated anymore either. For once in my life, I’d like to make it on my own- living in society- working for a living, and being content with-in my own being.  I’d like everyone else to know that “I/all” those with disabilities have desires and talents.  we can succeed if given a chance and the opportunity to do so- Time and again I have proved myself- I would like not to be taken for granted anymore- or settle for less than what I am worthy of- just because I have a disability doesn’t mean you can step on and over us like dish rags- Yes this anger’s me- it anger’s me very much!

I really need to let you, my readers, know, that I want to make a difference in my own life by making my OWN livelihood, doesn’t matter if I am married or not, I need to feel my own dependency- on and for myself- doing it my way… I want people to know and understand that I have ALWAY paid my own way for everything I have done in my lifetime- I have not begged or pleaded for donation of such for anything like some I’ve come in contact with- I can do anything I put my mind towards doing, and I have proved this fact through my actions time and again-

For once in my life I would like people to know and understand that yes,I do, do this ALWays “from the goodness and unconditional love of my heart”-  but that’s where it stops now. That’s the bottom line here and now.  I need others to know that I too need to be compensated for my actions and talents and first hand knowledge now- and until people recognize this- and take me seriously I will keep knocking until opportunity knocks-

Until then, I need to keep hearing these words and I need to keep reminding myself to be very grateful-these words are the precious words that are my reward and payment.

They are sweet as sweet can be-  And they reaffirm my goodness.  They reaffirm my abilities,and they are a direct result to all the action I have taken throughout my entire life to make me who and what I am today.  Over and over again when someone says something like this to me, this quiet warm glow comes over me.  It make me radiate peace and harmony- and it bathes my being in joy and happiness.

This voice reminds me to not take things for granted and to be grateful for every experience in my life that I have had to ever go through.  It also tells me how far I have come, and where I am going- this inner-voice reverberates reveling gentle messages telling me why I do this- and why I keep on keeping on-  It reaffirms to me how it “must be”, and why where-ever I am today it’s where I’m suppose to be! Because I would be somewhere else if it were meant to be!

And thus, it makes me feel quiet inside knowing that someone else recognized my goodness and took the time to tell me who I truly am.