The World in Which We REALLY Live

Sometimes I wonder!   I really wonder if our world and society truly understands us, or, if they whole-heartedly care!   I seriously wonder and ask myself over, and over again, if they ever will?  I ask you, what do you think?  How do you feel?  Have you ever experienced anything such as I have? would you be kind enough to write and share your thoughts with me for your support?

I will tell you honestly, that I have spent many a sleepless night; rocking myself to sleep with worry. I have cradled  myself, saturated in tears, with a feeling of disgust , hurt, emotional pain, devastation, and deep despair of “how am I going to conquer the un-conquerable;” while staying positive, focused, and still reaching my goals of becoming productive in a world that doesn’t want to see me productive at all.

It is real hard!  And, it is very unacceptable to me.  It’s an inconclusive matter, that goes on and on. And never goes away!  it is insupportable, intolerant, and very tedious and hard to endure.  What’s more, is that no one truly see’s or feels it.  These unhappy feelings come from a life-time of dealing with people who hold degree’s, and are professional experts which hold powerful, unyielding, torches  that are resolute in inflexibility, uncompromising help, and unshakeable policies and procedures which cause their clients undo social, emotional, and economic grievances and hardships.  These “experts” don’t realize the injury to health they cause us in body, mind, and spirit.  It is an insult to our dignity, and a gross negligence on their part to the people who need a sincere hand up in order to make it in this life.   It is awful, and sickens me!   It is a dreadful limitation which they and society puts on us unfairly!

What if they invested their time in us?  The truth is, that they and our society for the last thirty years or so, are so money hungry, and oriented, that they can’t nor will they invest their time in us; weather we are inflected with a physical disability or injury or not!  They would rather make us a vegetable of the state, declaring us victims of society.  And when we fight for our lives, they fight even harder with convenient cover-ups only to lock away the key and throw it away forever more!

It is as if we are only allowed to progress at a rate our experts are comfortable with.  The idea that we could surpass there conclusions or evaluations is a huge jeopardy, unwelcome truth, and danger to them!  These experts refuse to acknowledge that “We wish to lead normal lives.” This is very frightening, treating, and  harassing.  We are intimidation to them as we and our healthy desires, despite our physical limitations, hound and plaque their physics.  Yet we don’t have the kind of money others have, to help ourselves.

The thought of us taking action for ourselves, or surpassing their expectations of us, causes them great humiliation; which in return cause’s then to take drastic measures upon us.  It also causes bodily retribution to us; the people who struggle to make it in this world the most.  Because we have no other course, or financial funds to make our dreams happen on our own, we work, deal, and bend over backwards to be agreeable with then, with every breath in our being.

Although, since It goes against everything they have been taught to believe about us; with a  sly, underhanded, and sneaky vengeance, they purposely cause strife and hardship upon us.   It is ridiculous that I have had to spend a life-time (57 years) pleading for the right to exist in a world that really knows no kindness or equality!

The idea of achievement is used to channel our energy into pleasing those who think they know what we should be doing with our lives!  We have to waste our precious time, time, and time, and time again, convincing them we are allowed to live our lives out as we see fit!

I know I have talked about this may times before; however this issue never gets resolved. It just gets worse.   I have known other people in the disabled community, who face similar struggles.  Yet social workers and explorers insist and demand, without contradiction, getting and emphatically being involved in every aspect of our lives, even if we say no or don’t want their help. They don’t listen.  They don’t truly care, and they just keep on!

Yet, they won’t give us the right to choose, or have the chance to succeed.  They won’t give us the dignity, the state or quality of being worthy, or the honor of respect; to choose our desired interest to cave out a perfect place for our own selves, same as they have been given the gift to do. Its all a double standard, and a hypocrisy.  It is a convenient way to condemn and invoke as an accusation where the conflicts are manifested as truths in there behalf, and where our humanly rights have little justification of strength, or testimony of attribute to our human behavior in society.

They think they know everything we should and shouldn’t do.  They put us in a place where we have to beg and plead, and then we are put on a merry-go-round hoping against hope for endless periods of time.   I am getting real sick and tired of giving my all to get ahead in life, only to give these people the right to hold this kind of power and judgement over my life.  Are you?  This paternalism is the worst evil in the history of our lives. Somehow we must all help to change this.  We have to put and end to it as I tried over thirty years ago.   Lets speak out, not be shy, and lets speak out in unison, as one!  Help me please, won’t you?

Focusing

The other day, I wrote an article that mentioned some tools that I use personally to maneuver through life.  One of the tools I use is to focus.  I think about something of interest.  Something I want to put my full attention to.  Something that I feel real passionate about.   And something that brings me much pleasure and joy in doing.  Something that is gratifying and constructive and make me feel happy and content within.

Then I do two or three different things.  The first of which is to decide what it is I want to take action on.  This could be a mental thought, or a physical action.  Then, I would make a list if I had to.  I would write down all the things I had to do to attain and accomplish this goal. Checking them off as I reach my aim, desired results,  or wishes.

Next, I would proceed clearly and carefully.  Taking one baby step at a time.  Putting one foot in front of the other, until I reach  my attainable goal.  Gradually and consistently, over a period of time, unchanging my course of thinking; I would keep my faith, and endue with all the endurance I inside myself to muster, to keep on keeping on.  I would remain focused.  I would  visualize myself reaching these intents in my mind.

Third, I would say affirmations.  I would believe  in myself more than any other human being on this earth.  I would believe with all my  heart and soul.  I would continue to believe no matter how long it took me to attain my hope.  Plus, I would not allow anyone to sway me or tell me that I COULD NOT succeed or achieve!  I would hold firm to my thoughts, and ground myself by being mindful and steadfast.

Forth, I would be aware.   I would be conscious of all things happening in and around me.  I would be sensible, alert, antiquated, and heedful.  I would also practice being wise and hip, and very attentive to areas that would be beneficial to my growth.

Finally, I would read, learn, do anything I could to educate myself more on my intent and desire, and focus, focus, focus.

A Trip of Thanksgiving

Three weeks ago, I sailed the pacific seas to the Gulf of Mexico. I stopped in the ports of: Cabo San Lucas, Loreto, Guaymas, Topolobampo, Mazatlan, Sinaloa, and Puerto Vallarta.  This was an unexpected trip, to a part of the world, I always wanted to see.  My in-law’s got an incredible deal on a cruise, and asked if we would like to join them. So how could my husband and I pass up such a wonderful offer. So we said yes.

However, my imagination, could not prepare me for what I was truly about to see witness, and, or stumble upon.  The MS Ryndanm, and all their crew, were about to treat me with much care, and take me on a trip of a life time.

As I traveled the 2,726 nautical miles of breath taking seas, my sea legs became one with the ocean floor, and, I was prompted to remember once again, of all the things I have been blessed with, within my life; and that I have been given a chance to glimpse, observe, and participate in.  We departed the shores of San Diego, on October 12, 2008, on a cool evening, as my husband, his brother, his wife, and my sister-in-laws brother all waved goodbye to the pacific shores we left behind.

This was the longest cruise I had ever taken or been on.  But before we even traveled more that 100 knots, we were summonsed to a passenger boat drill to insure everyone’s safety. Although, minutes before, my sweet, hubby, Chris, left our room; on a heroic search to find ice cubes.  I ask you? What was he doing looking for ice cubs at a time like this? After more then 5 minutes of wondering curiously, I began to get a bit frantic.

Where was he when I needed him the most? As on our last voyages to sea, he was right by my side to help me tie my life jacket to my person.  This time, however, his timing was off, and got discombobulated by where our cabin was laid out. So I pulled out our life jackets from the closet and proceeded to walk to my destination point with concern.

Over a hundred people passed me by to get to their designated station. Fortunately, for me, while walking, I found all my family members except for Chris, whom I wanted to, find the most! Then, after a few moments of worrying and laughing, with my family jokester, my husband almost pasted me by.

“Hay honey, where do you think you’re going?”  As I tried to direct and real him in with my voice, while my newly adopted brother-in-law, Willie, was making me, and his sister Laura, giggle uncontrollably.  After we were all lined up like penguins, four sort bells and one long bell rang as we were dismissed to go, and play.  We were off to commenced voyage to Cabo San Lucas where clear skies and fresh gales awaited us.

Port after port, my mind took hold on the vastness of what I was seeing. I tried to capture pictures both in my mind, and with my photo lens, as I snapped the images that reach out and touched me the most.  Harbor after harbor, I saw the poverty of the Mexican people.  Yet, I also saw an attitude of desperateness, need, kindness, and gentleness; longing in there eyes everywhere I went. Not like in the United States where greed saturates our country, and our hearts and minds.  These men, women, and children are grateful even through much haggling takes place in the market place and amongst the streets.  They struggle with a reminder everyday of what we take for granted.

While riding on a bus into Guaymas and Topolobampo, the passengers were told by the guide of the great destruction from a hurricane not more than two or three days before we arrived in their city.  The guide explained how in some parts of the city there was no infrastructure as it was just whipped out. Nevertheless, these men, women, and children pick themselves up and continue on only eighty dollars a week.  It reminds me of what so many of our people go through in trying to carve out a living in our world.  This is a direct representation, of the subtle injustice, that most of us in the disabled community deal with every day of their lives.

 

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The next day we docked in Loreto, where my two brother-in-laws hailed a cab. Boy what a ride that was!  When we started out, everything was smooth riding; as we saw the sites of the most rich and famous in their town.  And hotels right off the water’s edge.  But then, things got real bumpy!  We were out for a ride of our lives!  Instead of taking a paved road thirty minutes out of town, to an old Mission we wanted to see, we wound up taking a path that almost threw my husband for a loop.

The car we were using was not a four wheel drive. This lack of amenity made it difficult to travel and also unnerved my husband to no end. He was pulling his hair out with disgust, revolt, and fear.  There were so many rocks, river beds, and obstacles to cross, that it sometime seemed “that we might not make it to the church on time.”  Once we had gotten out of the cab, seen the sites, and had delicious casadia’s, and tacos; the road and return home proved much easier on everybody.

I truly felt a family connection with the taxi drivers, too.  Through laughter, communication and connection, in their native tongue, and having married into a family that speaks the language fluently, it made the excursion and trip that much more comfortable, warm, exciting, valuable, and inviting.

Especially, our last stop! When my husband, my family, and I; visited the port of Puerto Vallarta.  The cab stopped to let us observe the breath taking sculptures, to cross the street, and to visit and take snapshots of the awe inspiring sand castles.  And oops! Yes, you got it!  The street was so full of pot holes, rounded rocks, and gullies, that I took a flying leap into a hole, all by my little ol’ lonesome.  No body by my side but me-  I was walking alone and stepped right into it!

Thank God no one hit me! And thank God, I did not break a foot, or leg, and that it was our last dock to visit!  If I were in the United States, I would have been terrified to be further hurt. Thankfully, I wasn’t. Thankfully all I got was a very, very sprain ankle and calve. Someone else in my shoes, or position, would have sulked, gone back to the ship, and perhaps, even gone home, but I didn’t!

The experience was not easy, as I was in pain, and could not walk like I normally do, but I found a way to keep smiling like I always do.  In my mind I knew this was a trip and a moment of a life time.  I knew it was truly a gift and so worth while.

Moreover, I knew that I might never ever get this kind of opportunity or chance to take in these majestic marvels again, so I forgot about my discomfort and smiled a ray of sunlight for Gods beautiful landscape, and backdrop.  I also was shown how unconditionally I was loved and cared for by my family and complete strangers.

Thus, I immediately found gratitude in my own heart, and found new positive ways, to continue on my journey with gratification in my own inner self and being.  My positive attitude, along with all my past triumph and tribulations, gave me a wonderful, exuberant energy, and willingness to make the best of a difficult situation for all involved.

I was so accommodating, that we went forward to visit the cost line’s and city scapes with pure pleasure and delight.  So, with a bag of ice cubs, surrounding my leg, we visited an organic distillery, where all types of wine and liqueurs were made, and we drove to Casa Kimberly.

For those of you who do not know what Casa Kimberly is, it is now a bed and breakfast. Although in the early sixties, it was where Liz Taylor’s, and Richard Burton’s had their home. One could see the pink remaining bridge that linked the two homes together.

Even though I tripped and fell at my last port, I can’t express to my readers how wonderful, breathtaking, and joyous my time in Mexico and on the ship was.

Travel is something I feel is very vital, freeing, emancipating, and uplifting for us all, but especially for the disabled community. The more communicative, active, visible, and perceptible we become, the more we partake in life’s precious activities; it cultures, and joys of the world, the more we can breakdown the stereotypes, and promote the truths of our lives and beings.

Maneuvering Through Life With a Disability

Have you ever thought about how you personally maneuver through life’s experiences?  Have you ever given it much thought at all?  Are you positive?  Do you make things positive and have a good attitude and turn life’s negative situations or experiences around?  Can you digest the experiences in your life no matter what the out come has been?  Or, do certain thoughts and feelings linger in your heart and soul?  Do they eat at your core, or bring you happiness?  How do you deal with them?

For the last thirty years, I have been learning to exercise my muscle in maneuvering through life.  I have step by step learned to use my mind, body, and soul, as a vehicle to move, in and out of life’s situations.  I have learned to change position when need be.  I have also learned to be dexterous while using control and skill, as I stretched and flexed my attitude as I gained positive new beliefs and strategy’s in my upward quest to my ultimate objectives.

For those of you who what to put these skills into use, I used the following:

  • Follow your own heart
  • Carve out your own destiny
  • Be true to yourself
  • Listen closely
  • Carefully guide yourself to achieve
  • Follow a plan or strategy
  • Focus
  • Be Discipline
  • Learn new Social Skills
  • Learn how to manage time wisely
  • Give yourself a quiet hour a day
  • Do your homework
  • Take action
  • Let it all merge to realization and fulfillment

In the Wee Hours

It is very early in the morning.  1 a.m. to be exact.  I can’t sleep so I thought I would relax by writing some.  Lots to think of and be grateful for with Thanksgiving behind me.  Thinking of the recent joys and challenges I just faced.  Learning to…”accept the things I cannot change… and having “the courage to change the things I can” one day at a time!

The last four days I not only had my husbands brother and wife over for the holiday’s, but I made my prune stuffing which usually comes out heavenly, which through prompting, turn out to be dry and tasteless-  To having the plumbing break in my guest bathroom.

Street fair

Since my hubby, Chris, could not fix it tonight, we both will have to wait till he can find the part at a plumbing store because Low’s and Home Depoit do not carry the part.  Also because we must let the wet areas affected, dry out with a fan, that will run continuously for the next three days.

Thus, I will use my skill and dexterity to gain and keep my peace and harmony.

Translations For others

I would be honored if anyone out in the world wide web would take an interest in my writing and would be interested in take it a step further by translating my blog for all those to read.  It would be a gift to the disabled community and  all those who enjoy reading my entries.   It would not only close the many gaps we face as a people with diverse background, ethnicities, and physical challenges, but it would close the crevasses in our community that need healing and filling up.   Please reply if interested.

Paralympic Games

This past weekend I had a chance to watch the paralympic games for the first time in my life.  It was amazing for me to watch these athletes.  They moved with such grace and determination.  Such dignity, confidence and respect for themselves.  With and without prostheses.  In wheelchair and without.  All with one goal in mind, to accomplish the un-accomplishable! To prove to themselves first, and to the world second, that they could stand up before the world and shine with glory! To show the world that they were no different-

There is so much we as disable people can do.  But we need the world to soften.  We need the world to accept us more.  we need the world to look at us the same way we look at ourselves-  And, most importantly we need to be given chances and opportunities-

We need the world to not look at us with pity, disgrace, or contempt-  or as though we are leopards, in a leopards colony. We need society to respect us- we need society to allow us to try and to pick ourselves up and try, try again.  And, we need the gift and blessing of the world to help us climb every mountain and to help us reach every dream!

Driving With Hand Controls and Maneuvering Confidently

Back when I was in high school, I remember taking a drivers ed class.  I was thrilled and nervous because I was going to be able to drive a car just like my mother, and sister, despite my Cerebral Palsy.  What a sense of pleasure and excitement it gave me.  Taking this huge, step forward in my life, also took my emotions on a roller coaster ride.  My stomach fluttered like the wings of a butterfly, .  I subconsciously knew this was an enormous, gigantic, and monumental responsibility and a big step for me; especially knowing that I had lost my lower left quadrant of peripheral vision due to my brain damage as a baby.

Although, I also knew getting my license would give me more freedom to get around the city, and to become more independent to do more of the things I’d desired to do.  It would allow me to go shopping to buy pretty new clothes, or get my nails done:>))))) , or, even taken care of errands.   It would be a high-schoolers dream come true!  It would also allow me to soar like an eagle in the sky.

In the beginning, I was taught to drive in a simulated car.  This was inside a  bungalow where a big screen was set up.    It was equipped  with hand controls and ready for all students, such as myself, to take a seat and start driving.  It was pretty cool.  Its almost like the arcade driving games they have today. Anyway’s the instructors were  ready for their willing participants to get behind the wheel-so they could teach them all they new about handling a car with care.  Thus, the disabled students of  Joseph Pomery Widney High school were immediately available to learn.

The first time I took the wheel of the car, it was amazing!  I did it with little dough in my  heart.  I even remember the kind of car it was.  It was a white, all electric power Plymouth.  It had power windows, power breaks and just too cool for words.  And I, Karen, Lynn Hershkowitz, got behind the wheels.  I was not intimidated at all.  With confidence, I adjusted the seat to my legs and comfort, adjusted my rear view mirrors and off the campus grounds I drove.  The instructor told me where to go and I went.

I used my steering knob with ease.  It became an extension of how freely I could control my steering wheel with one hand.  It enabled me to drive down a straight streets and maneuver corners with ease-  Although, I was one of the  privileged few to be able to use one; as they became illegal to drivers back in the fifties.  Teens back then called then knicker knobs.  And they were not made as mine was.  They were flimsily, and if someone got their wrist caught inside the mental part of the attachment, it could injured them badly.  So only those who were legally told they could use them for assistance did.

One day I was taking a driving lesson, I was driving down Grand Avenue, going towards Angels Hill, when a buss pulled out in front of me forcing me to pull to the left and think quickly.  I performed with confidence.  And, I was quick, too!  I had my foot on that break before the instructor could say a peep!  I maneuvered that huge car like I had been driving for years.  I proved to the teacher I had quick thinking.  I also proved to the instructor that I could  carefully move the car to the left with safety.

Making Peace with Your Past

Have you ever been awaken from a deep sleep only to have some experience or thought  from the past starring you in the face?  Didn’t you think you’d got rid of what ever was haunting you long time ago, or did you just berry them deep within the crevasse of your being?

Well, earlier this morning, I experienced just this-  I was forced to look at myself, squarely between my eyes.  I was forced to look at these areas of my life that resurfaced again.  I was forced to clean house, look at my motives- if any, and finally make peace within myself.

I had to!  I had to honestly look at these past experiences and finally find a way to heal- I had glimpse-  glimpse that I had a choice.  I could either continue to ignore them, and not find a positive resolution to what was hurting me so severely, and deeply within my core and being,  or I could resolve them.

I could release these lasting impressions that creped upon my mind time and again for what ever reason they did.   I could turn my life and feelings around by facing them.  I could release the residue of these past feelings through acceptance.  Acceptance could be my road to peace and harmony.  Acceptance could be my  friend if I let it-

I could let go of the worst, hold on to only the best- and determine to find hope inside my heart and mind-  and I could allow it to continue throughout my life.

Reginia Hill says…”Acceptance is the heart’s best defense, love’s greatest asset, and the easiest way to keep believing in yourself and others.”

So that is what I decided!

Yes, my thoughts greeted me today-  And, yes, they said …”hello, –  But its what I did with those thoughts-  Its how I took my feelings, and how I turned my situation around –  Its how I allowed my healing process within to begin-  And, its how I empowered myself to be more positive-  Its how I decided to think differently-  and how I decided to change for the better!

Yes, It’s not easy!   Although, I’ve learned, that admitting my problems to myself is a whole lot easier and less painful than denying it to myself.  It is so much easier to accept that a long time ago such and such was done and said, and, that  I was not to happy or impressed with how I handled the situation at hand.

But, its how I decide to deal with it.  Its how I decide to use this given opportunity to my fullest potential!…  it’s how I can make and turn this particular situation around!  Its how I can make it feel right within the core of my being-  Its through the learning and accepting that makes me feel whole and complete again-  It’s not about tearing myself down or apart for not say the right thing at the right, given moment- Its about being gentle with myself and making peace with myself through acceptance.

Well, this morning I awoke that way, and have not been able to sleep since.  I woke up only to realize I had some very important business to take care of.  I realized that I better do some more homework on myself-  I realized that I had some very important  mental and emotional housekeeping to do-  I realized that I better start dissolving and liquefy the cobwebs lurking in my mind so that I could go forth in peace and harmony.

What Help’s You to Smile and Be Happy?

For the past two weeks, I have been facing many effaceable emotions.  They have been as deep, and as painful  as I can ever remember.  However, I kept reaching out for something that would soothe my soul.  Something that was positive, something that was touchable, that could and would bring me physical warmth, and a feeling of safety, and  something tangible that would help me have something to recognize, release, and also would help me recharge my battery –  It had to be something calming that could  make me feel better, within; something that would bring peace to my heart-

It had to be something that would make me feel better quickly!  Something that would ease my pain, and something that would bring me hope to remember the good things about me, my life, and what I knew was right on!  It had to be like turning on a light switch- something that would immediately help me to recognize my worth, my meaning as a human being, and all that I went through was not in vain.

You see,  I was very down and depressed because my thoughts and feelings were not being considered or taken into consideration by immediate family members. And this blew me away as I think of everyone- every one!

I talked with two of my dearest and closet friends, and while it helped, it did not solve or take away all the pain  I was facing.

Then a week later, about two days ago, I heard a song that my dear, mama would sing to me as a child.  We would sit together as the music and lyrics played. We would weep through the whole song with the truth that these lyrics spoke.

This is just one of many of my simple ingredients that continually makes me smile and feel blessed with my life!

The song was “Smile” and it was written by Charles Chaplin Jr..  In his lyric’s he says…

     “smile, through your heart is aching, smile, even though its breaking, when there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by, if you smile through your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come shining through for you.  Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness, although a tear may be ever so near, that’s the time you must keep on trying, smile what’s the use of crying, you’ll find that life is still worth while if you just smile…”

As I heard these words, my pain and sorrow melted.  My reason, faith, and hope returned, and I was back on track being my beautiful, self once again.