How do we, as people with disabilities, deal with authority figures who are neither transparent nor honest? They think they know better than we do, and that we cannot comprehend their motives. So they hide them. Also, they refuse to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. However, they are superb at the art of not giving way to pressure, and they are unwilling to change their decisions, opinions, and demands.

Orange sycamore leaves in the fall

This article is based on something that happened not only to me but also to my best friend, Sean. He and I have known each other for over twenty-five years, and we have shared a jarring number of similar experiences, sometimes simultaneously. How many times in our lives have we met people who have tried to take us for a ride, treating us unfairly for trying to make it in this world like everyone else?

Unfortunately, these people move fast. They manipulate us and impose their will on us. Sometimes more, sometimes less. They are quick-witted, seemingly brilliant, and definite in their opinions. They are experts at looking and sounding like experts, but they never deliver on their promises.

“If you pay me this amount, I will get everything done by next week,” a freelance editor promised me.

But my project of completing The Healing Horse moved at a snail’s pace. This was from April through June 2015. With its fragrant scent, spring began and then ended in the hot, humid days of summer and my drained bank account.

“Can’t you just find a way to work with me?” I asked countless times.

Why can’t these experts take people with disabilities seriously? Why do they have to abuse our good nature? They know exactly how to use their voices to get what they want.

At that time, my breath became rapid. My pulse quickened. My eyes opened wide, and my ears tuned in to every sound.

But I breathed, rolled my shoulders, and knew I would get through this incident as well. Thank goodness I listened to my inner self. Thanks to my meditation practice, I was in tune and willing to learn from this experience. I could have reached a point where I didn’t want to take any action. I could have frozen. But I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew at my core that this would pass. I wanted to move forward. I didn’t want to say anything because it might hurt my reputation as an author. I could lose everything I had worked so hard to attain. More importantly, I would lose my ability to move forward in my life. I thought further.

One day after facing my feelings, l became stronger. I wouldn’t allow this woman to use or take advantage of me. By changing my attitude, by confronting my feelings directly, I changed. I challenged myself. I stood tall, stayed calm, and bravely faced this person without fear. I had transformed. I used my own voice beneficially.

However, I also became cautious. I thought carefully before speaking. I took preventive measures. I thought in terms of risk assessment. I made deliberate choices. I became even more prudent by showing care.

Better yet, I became more aware of how precise these experts are. They do not deviate from their playbook. They are completely compelling and believable. They are great pretenders. They act as if they have qualities they do not possess. It’s like she knew how to win me over by saying she appreciated me.

With composure and respect, I discussed this unfair situation with Sean, who holds a DLitt degree and knows a lot about working with editors, and with Arthur Wilson. At the time, Arthur was the Director of VSA Arts of New Jersey’s Unlimited Potential Theatre Company. In 2005, he had asked me to come, share, and read excerpts of my story The Broken Hoof, and I had accepted with pleasure. So, I knew I could trust him.

Vital clues to watch for:

• They take great effort and care in what they do.
• They make a commitment to quality and approach.
• These individuals came across as understanding.
• They don’t draw attention to themselves.
• They are self-effacing.
• They build understanding only to gain trust.
• Little by little, they say small things to capture one’s trust even more.
• Look out for delays. Don’t assume they will soon move forward with our projects.
• Watch out for people trying to get something for nothing.
• Keep an eye out for these types of people who depend on the things we say.

This needs to change. It is terribly hurtful, causing extreme anxiety, sorrow, and pain to our feelings. It wounds those of us who get beaten down for simply trying.

Disdain was wrapped in my emotional injuries. Like a cat climbing a brick wall, I had to claw my way up and out to remain positive. It is a disgrace that it is very easy in this day and age to take advantage of those who are really honest and serious about making something of their lives. Years ago, I tried to find an editor. After months of delayed communication with this woman, I wrote and confronted her.

She said,”I didn’t really think you wanted to work with me because most disabled people don’t have that kind of money.”

I replied, “I’m one of the ones who don’t ask for handouts. I pay my way.”

That was the end of that editor, as far as I was concerned. How unkind and upsetting. Despite being a disabled person herself, she lacked empathy and the skill to work with other disabled people. Nor was she concerned with how her attitude impacted my life.

The hard part of dealing with authority figures who enforce their will at the expense of ours is the shock and dismay it causes. And for what? Their egos create distance, tension, and an inability to work together.

This dysfunction of not seeing another person’s point of view reinforces the lack of respect and compassion. To make someone feel worthy of making their dreams come true, even though they do not have the money or education to advance themselves, all we need is a helping hand.

Years ago, people would pay it forward and take others under their wing to help them. In our complex world today, it’s not like that. It’s like we live in the fast lane. In the nineteen-fifties, we could leave our house with the doors unlocked. Be close to all of our neighbors. Trust them. And have them as extended families. We made friends with everyone. Many times when I was three or four years old. I would walk across the street, with Mama Katie watching, as I crossed to our neighbor’s house, where I was invited along with all the other children on the cul-de-sac to listen to banjo music. The musical notes fell softly on me like gentle rain. Transfixing my body. It was spectacular—mesmerizing—we loved it!

It was a quieter time. A simpler time. Where the pace of living was slower. News traveled with greater reflection. So, with that being said, the world today is not like it once was. People today think in the short term, multi-task far more, and easily get side-tracked, are short-tempered and get nervous and anger more easily. We don’t have time for ourselves, nor do we make that time. The atmosphere everywhere is organized chaos. At the same time, there are still kind and caring people out there—don’t get me wrong—in this world, but with all that is going on in today’s world, it’s harder to see or find them.

Why is it that some people cannot be compassionate? And why is it that in our rushed, hurried world today, where we have learned so much about everything, people look down on the disabled? On people who have been physically paralyzed and have to live with their illness their whole life. Like me. I refused to be a victim. I moved heaven and earth to be healthy in body, mind, and spirit. I am one of those people who moved mountains to make me the best person I could become. I am a decent human being, deserving of the same things other people have achieved. I work twice as much and three times harder to get anything accomplished. I never gave up. Or gave in. I accepted life and its difficulties as they presented themselves to me. When all is said and done, I will fight on. I will continue to make this a better place for all. Where there is room at the table. I became a force for good. I am thoughtful. Forgiving. Passing it forward to those in my orbit. What you give, you get far more back when you give unconditionally.

If I can do it, so can you! Be brave and bold and live by the convictions of your heart.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? If so, would you like to share your experience?

Original text ©2026 by Karen Lynn-Chlup. Image from Sacramento River National Wildlife Refuge Sycamore Tree on the Phelan Island Unit on SRNWR. (Justine Belson/USFWS) under a Creative Commons 2.0 license.