In this scene, Kitten’s mother tries to explain how she is, and why she tends to be overprotective, but she doesn’t mention the overwhelming sense of guilt she has from letting a doctor give her daughter a second DPT shot after the first one made her ill. 

Scene 4: Mama’s Story, as Told Over Dinner 

After they had eaten, and Mama had complemented Kitten on her cooking, Mama picked up the conversation where they had left off.

“Karen, honey, there’s something I need to tell you about your Mama, and I think you’re old enough to understand. It has to do with why I blew up at you in the kitchen this evening. It has to do with your grandparents and how I grew up. I know it’s hard to imagine it, but once I was a little girl, too. I was a lot like you are, Krana Layala. I was very sincere, and I always did my best. I was also very stubborn, and I know I still am, but that’s not what I want to tell you or how I want you to be. Strong is good. Stubborn is not.

“You know your Grandpa Max and Grandma Annie came to the United States from Russia. They came from the city of Minsk, where their families had lived for a long time. Minsk is in Russia. But something terrible had happened in Russia. In Minsk bad people were killing the Jews. Even the government was involved. They had soldiers leading mobs of people who broke into Jewish homes and businesses. They stole everything of value and killed the Jewish people, even the little children. It was really bad. Like Hitler in World War II. You can’t imagine. At least, I hope you can’t. This is what we call a pogrom.

“Your grandparents could see that staying in Russia was crazy. There were no civil rights. The government was blaming all the problems of the people on the Jews. Scapegoating, like the Nazis did. The Russians had already killed almost everyone else in our family, so your Grandfather Max and Grandmother Annie sold everything they owned and fled to America. When they got here, they didn’t have anything but the clothes on their backs, their brains and the will to make a new life for themselves, which they did.

“They sailed past the Statue of Liberty and landed on Ellis Island. After they got through the immigration process, they lived in The Bronx, where your Uncle Abie, your Aunt Evie and I were born. Then we all moved to Brooklyn, where I grew up.

“Your grandmother also had a sister, who stayed behind, and that part of the family just disappeared. I’ve tried looking for them, and there’s no sign of them. Your grandmother sent many letters but never got a reply. That was a mother, a father and five children, all gone. They were probably all killed.

“Your Mama was a second child. My older brother was born two years before me. He helped out Grandpa Max at his business. My little sister was a year and a half younger than me. I was my mother’s little helper. My job was to help her cook and clean for your grandfather and my big brother after I got home from school, and then to take care of your aunt, my little sister. She was always sickly. She caught every cold or flu, so she spent a lot of time in bed, with me bringing her food and keeping her company. I had wanted to be a doctor when I grew up, but there was no way. I was a girl, and my family wasn’t going to spend money educating me. All that went to my brother.

“I’m not complaining about any of this. It’s just how things were, then. I’m grateful that my parents, your grandparents, made it out of Russia and got to the United States, and that they made good lives for us all, here in the U.S. If they hadn’t left Russia, you and I would never have been born. If they hadn’t worked as hard as they did, I would never have grown up with any education or skills, and you and I would really be in trouble. Honey, I just want to make it clear to you how I grew up. And I think it’s my nature, too. I’m by nature a caring person, someone who looks out for others. I try to be a mensch, but maybe I carry it too far.

“So, Krana Layala, my point is that when I blew up at you, it wasn’t because I didn’t want you to become independent. I know you are growing up, and I need to let go of holding onto you so tightly. I need to give you the space and freedom to try new things and explore life, to dust yourself off when you make mistakes and to develop your personality. I need to allow you to bloom and mature and develop your own self-worth. Mostly, I need to let you become a mensch on your own. It’s not fair of me to take that away from you. From now on, I’m going to take into account that you are growing up, and I’m going to encourage you to try new things, instead of standing in your way.”

#russia #pogroms #parenting

©2020, Karen Lynn-Chlup. All rights reserved.